At 72, she made her first documentary to advocate against ageism

 

If there is one thing that gerontologist Lily Fu wants to achieve in her life at the moment, it is to debunk ageist stereotypes and create an awareness of the immense potential and possibilities of older persons.

Yes, she’s also not too keen on terms like “the elderly” and instead replaces it with “older persons” or “older adults”.

Olders, she believes, can get on with life like the best of them - they can learn, they can dance and they can most definitely enjoy a fruitful, fulfilled life.

And, she’s a fine example to go by.

At 72, Fu has just completed making her debut documentary, with a grant from the Freedom Film Festival. Titled Meniti Senja, the full-length documentary addresses the alarming rise in cases of elderly persons being abandoned at aged care homes in Malaysia.

“The protagonist of the documentary is Muji Sulaiman, a retired nurse who started an aged-care home back in the 1990s, ” says Fu, 72.

“Muji’s story is absolutely amazing. As a nurse, she saw first hand how so many older people were abandoned by their family at the hospitals.

"She decided to take them into her home - after all she was a single mother with room in her house to spare, ” she shares.

Word got around about Muji’s efforts and she found herself with more and more older people at her doorstep.

She was then offered a space - an old mosque - to house her abandoned wards.That was how Muji set set up Al-Ikhlas, her aged-care home in Puchong, Selangor, about ten years ago.

Fu hopes her documentary can help highlight the issues faced by older people, many of whom are
abandoned and alone.

Fu was compelled to venture into documentary making because she believes it’s the medium to raise awareness about the issues of the older population, and to advocate for better services and provisions for them.

“So many of them are abandoned and alone, and the issue just don’t get covered enough. The media has highlighted the issue but they are often one-off reports when some news breaks and then things go quiet again.

“With a documentary, it can be online and shared over and over again and, hopefully, spark discussion and action.

"And because it’s a full-length film, we can explore the issues in greater depth, ” shares Fu who is the founder of Seniors Aloud, an online platform for seniors with over 1,000 members.

The challenge ahead

When she read about the Freedom Film Festival grant in March this year, Fu decided to submit her idea for the documentary.

“I submitted my pitch, and I made it to the final selection. Then, I had to do an online pitch in front of the judges and we got the result immediately.

"I couldn’t contain my excitement when I found out I was selected. When you think of filmmakers, they are either experienced people or young people. And there I was, a 72-year-old who hasn’t done this before, ” relates Fu.

“But the Freedom Film Festival has been absolutely supportive. Whenever I faced a challenge, they were always quick to help me through it.

“Even though they provided us with workshops to hone our skills in filming, there was no way I could manage shooting the documentary on my own - a three minute video, no problem, but not this.

"So, they helped source for a cinematographer, so that I could focus on the narrative, source for a protagonist and handle other aspects of the documentary, ” she adds.

Muji Sulaiman, the protagonist of the video, was a nurse who saw how many elderly were abandoned at the
hospital she worked in. She took a few back to her home and years later, started her aged-care home.

Because of the pandemic and the movement control order that was enforced in March, the direction of Fu’s documentary shifted from her original pitch.

“When we first started the title was Unwanted and my focus was the homeless older people who were abandoned and neglected in KL. I spent months on the streets, so much so that the community actually opened up to me and some even thought I was there for food.

"But with the MCO, there was no way we could access them the way we needed to for the documentary.

“So, I focused on older people in an aged care facility and I focused on just one home so that it could be more comprehensive and insightful.

"I found Al Ikhlas online. But because we couldn’t go there during the MCO, I used the time to do research. It was only during the recovery MCO that we could visit the home, meet Muji and the older people living in her home.

"Most of them could not speak, so she related their stories on their behalf, ” says Fu, who enlisted her daughter, Belle Lee’s help because of her experience in TV and film.

“She has a degree in TV and film production and has produced TV programmes before, which was a boon. She was also someone I could bounce off ideas with, ” says Fu.

With the documentary, Fu’s aim is to share the stories of the older people in the home without judging or placing blame on anyone.

“We want to give a very balanced view and highlight the issues faced by them without taking any stand. I think one of the things we wanted to get through is that sometimes, children have no choice but to place their parents in homes.

Working children, those who cannot afford to care for their parents themselves or those who may be living abroad... we understand the reasons.

“And Muji shares the same sentiment: it is ok if you cannot look after them, she will. But please visit them. There was a resident who shared that he has 10 children and he was just waiting for them to come and visit. It is very depressing, actually, ” says Fu.

A message to everyone

Meniti Senja is in the last stage of post-production and is scheduled to be screened, online, during the Freedom Film Festival, from Dec 10 till 13.“The festival, which was originally scheduled for September, will go nationwide after the MCO ends.

Fu wants older people to be given opportunities, either for work or upskilling programmes,
so that they can continue to be independent and contribute to society.

“It has been very challenging. Apart from the technical aspects, I also learnt that from the start till the end, things can change.

"From the story to the language - it was supposed to be in English but is now in Bahasa Malaysia - there will be developments because of external circumstances or input from others and so on. But I am happy with it and it has given me the confidence to, hopefully, do another one, ” she says.

Fu hopes the documentary can move people to action: the government for better policies and services for older people; the younger generation so that they can plan and set aside money not just for their retirement but to care for their aged parents, and also society so that they don’t simply disregard seniors, and include them in jobs or learning opportunities.

“I am glad that the government has paid some attention to older people in the Budget 2021 but more needs to be done.

"We mustn’t wait until 2035 when we become an ageing population because if we do, we will be in trouble. We need better infrastructure and more nursing homes to cater for the growing older population, ” says Fu frankly.

She also hopes the younger generation – who will decide whether to care for their seniors or abandon them – get to see what the situation is like for neglected seniors.

“Financial planners advise you to set aside money for your children and your retirement but they hardly ever talk about the need to set aside money to care for your elderly parents or relatives, ” she says.

And her message to her peers is to change their own perceptions of ageing.

“We should all be thinking not just of enjoying longer lifespans but longer lifespans in good health, ” she emphasises.

“Currently, society has a very negative perception of older people and it’s time we changed that. And the change has to start with us. Those of us who are 60 and above must not think of ourselves as “old already” or “too old to dance” or “too old to study”.

“If we want people to change the way they perceive older people, we have to change the way we think about ourselves. Don’t practise ageism on ourselves, ” she says. 

This article was first published in The Star on 2 December 2020 at the link below:

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2020/12/02/at-72-she-made-her-first-documentary-to-advocate-against-ageism

2020 - A YEAR THAT COULD HAVE BEEN...

I wouldn't write off 2020 as a completely disastrous year. Maybe it was for a lot of people. It was certainly bad for the economy, with massive retrenchment and businesses shuttered for good. There is always a silver lining in every dark cloud, if we look for it, if we have the patience and resilience to learn from the challenges and bounce back, stronger and leaner.

For SeniorsAloud, it was no different from what other NGOs or CSOs were experiencing, perhaps more restrictive because of the demographics. As most of our members fall in the 'vulnerable age category', we were reminded to stay at home as much as possible. This effectively put all our carefully planned activities on hold indefinitely. It was especially hard for those of us living alone. 

WHY I MADE 'MENITI SENJA' - BFM PODCAST

The interview was conducted over Zoom on 7 Dec. The podcast was up on BFM website the next day at 2pm. It gave me an opportunity to talk about my film 'Meniti Senja' which would premiere on 10 Dec as the opener of the 18th Freedom Film Festival 2020.

 

The text below is taken from BFM website. 

Come 2056, Malaysia will be a “super-aged society”, with over 20 percent of its population above the age of 65, according to a recent study by The World Bank. On the show today, we first explore the new challenges that Malaysia will face, as a super-aged society, before honing in on a specific challenge - aged care. For this, we speak to local first-time filmmaker, Lily Fu, whose film Meniti Senja focuses on Malaysian seniors who have been abused, exploited and abandoned in their twilight years.

This film is being screened as part of the FreedomFilmFest, the international human rights documentary and social film festival, which will be held online this year, kicks off from the 10th, and will run until the 13th of December. There are loads of other film screenings, which will also explore the theme of being "the other." For more information, do head to freedomfilm.my. 

To listen to the podcast, click on this link below:

https://www.bfm.my/podcast/the-bigger-picture/the-daily-digest/meniti-senja

MRS J IS THE FACE OF THE NEW 80

It is not often I write a book review but I am making an exception for Mrs Jagjeet Singh's book 'My 7 Secrets to Staying Young'. After reading the book (written in just two months during the Covid-19 stay-home period), I want to encourage everyone to read it too. The gems contained in it will enrich our lives in so many meaningful ways. The beautiful cover with the intriguing title attracts curiosity and interest. How often do we come across an author who looks and feels this fabulous at 80, and is happy to share how we can all be like her - radiant, bursting with good health and joie de vivre. 

I love how Mrs J (as she is popularly known) wrote the book as part memoir, part self-help manual, part academic research. Indeed a refreshing new genre that makes the book an entertaining read for many. It is written in a simple conversational style that is easy for the reader to follow and enjoy, and absorbing enough to want to finish it at one sitting.  

Mr and Mrs J with their five grandchildren

The pages are packed with photos of Mrs J's family and friends, and of memorable events from her childhood, teaching career, marriage, parenthood and finally grandparenthood. Through it all, Mrs J weaves a narrative that touches us as well as enlightens us. We journey with her as she draws us into her worries, her fears and her triumphs. It is a written record of an amazing life, filled with joys and tears, achievements and disappointments. The book is her legacy. 

Her experiences are not that different from ours. However, how many of us can honestly say we have learned from our experiences and have no regrets? Mrs J believes that every setback is an opportunity for us to learn from and do better next time. With purpose, perseverance, positivity and most of all, passion, nothing can stop us from achieving our goals. Just as how her 'cartilageless knees' did not stop her from hiking and mountain trekking. Indeed it was her knee pain that drove her to take up Nordic Walking in 2012. It has since become an integral part of her exercise regime and lifestyle. Mrs J is Malaysia's first certified coach for Nordic Walking. 

There are tips on health, wellness and wellbeing (exercise, keep moving, fuel for the brain and body), what to eat (Mrs J avoids the 5 whites), how to keep the romance burning in marriage (plenty of touch and oodles of love!), the importance of social connections (let's get together and celebrate life), how to keep stress at bay (adopt a positive attitude) and so much more. 

Each nugget of advice is backed not only by Mrs J's personal experience, but also by meticulous research. Each chapter is peppered with copious sprinkling of inspirational quotes. Mrs J is proof that all her tips work. Those of us who were at SeniorsAloud's recent interview with her on Zoom would have seen Mrs J glowing with robust health and radiating a zest for life all through the 90-min session. Seeing is believing, right? No gimmicks, no filters, just Mrs J as she is - live on screen. By the way, she shared that she uses coconut oil for her skin. Must be more effective than any branded moisturiser, judging from her smooth complexion. Barely a wrinkle in sight. 

What we must have is the will power to apply what Mrs J shares with us in her book. Our perennial problem - we read, we listen but we don't do. Knowledge in itself is passive. It only brings results when applied. And what do we want in life but to enjoy longevity in great health and be at peace with ourselves? Isn't that what we hope for upon retirement? To transit well-prepared into our golden years, which is where Mrs J is now. "These are the best years of my life," she says, "and I am blessed to share them with a loving spouse. Mr and Mrs J just celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary looking like newly married lovebirds in photos posted on her facebook page. 

The book is for the men too. In fact it is for all ages and genders as living a long life in good health is ultimately everyone's goal. Do we have the will power to achieve it as Mrs J has done? She writes that a visit to the hospital is a wake-up call, an eye-opener to the number of people who are suffering from chronic illnesses. That should be motivation enough to get us started on applying all that Mrs J has generously shared with us - her 7 secrets to staying young. That would be the true legacy of her book.

Mrs J's book is self-published and not available at bookstores. To get a copy of Mrs J's book, whatsapp her at 012-200 5276. It is RM50 a copy. Add Rm10 for courier charges. You may also arrange to pick up a copy at specified locations. The book makes an excellent gift. Very limited copies left, so do contact Mrs J asap. 

Making my first documentary

By now most of you reading this would have heard about my first film 'Meniti Senja' (The Twilight Years). It has been a quite an amazing journey for me as a novice film-maker. A lot of challenges and definitely a ton of learning. I am glad it's finally done and soon to premiere as the opener for the 18th Freedom Film Festival from 10-13 Dec, 2020.

It all began in March 2020 when I was told about the film grant. Would I be interested? Absolutely! I had been thinking about doing a documentary on this subject for a couple of years. What better time to make a go for it during the MCO stay-home. I could be productive! The MCO and all its extension turned out to be more of an obstacle than I had thought. 

I wrote my proposal and submitted it end of March. On 15 May I was informed my proposal had been shortlisted and I would have to make an online pitch on 28 May to a jury consisting of veteran film-makers, one each from Taiwan, Indonesia and Malaysia. The producers of FFN Malaysia would also be present. I had to come up with a video/slide presentation and a short written motivation on why I wanted to do this documentary. It was a nerve-wrecking experience for me. When the results were announced shortly after the jury had heard all the pitches, I couldn't believe I was one of two grant winners. 

That was the beginning of months of anxiety and many sleepless night wondering if the film would ever be made, given that I knew next to nothing about film-making, except as a film buff. . 

During the MCO and CMCO months from 18 March to 9 June, the government and the media kept reminding older Malaysians to stay at home as they were in the 'vulnerable group'. I decided to make full use of the time to research for the film. 

GO PREPARED TO ASK AND ANSWER WHEN YOU SEE YOUR DOCTOR

For this blog post, I have selected to address an issue that many of us seniors here in Malaysia and Singapore are familiar with - a reluctance to ask our doctors for more information even when we want to know more.

Perhaps it's to do with our Asian culture of keeping quiet especially when in the presence of someone with expert knowledge like doctors. We put doctors on a high pedestal. We pay homage to them. After all they have spent years poring over medical tomes and having to pass exams after exams. So who are we to ask for more information or question them? 

Doctors are busy people with little time to listen to us. Especially doctors in public hospitals and clinics. There is an endless queue of patients waiting outside each consultation room. Consider ourselves lucky if the doctor spends more than 10 minutes with us. They are often overworked and the least we want to do is add to their stress. 

It's different at private hospitals. The specialists will spend a bit more time but at a cost to us. So we try not to take up too much of the doctor's valuable time in case it adds to the charges later. Besides, we don't want to show our ignorance with our questions, or let on that we have some anxiety and doubts about the efficacy of the medication that was prescribed if it is a follow-up visit. 

Most times we don't quite understand their explanations or instructions. Doctors should be able to explain to a patient in layman's language. We tend to forget much of the details as soon as we leave the consultation room.  A common experience among patients, especially older ones.

And so we let pass the opportunity to ask questions while in the doctor's room, only to go home and berate ourselves for not asking what all these prescription drugs are for, if it's okay to take them together with traditional medicines, or what the side effects are, if any. We call up the clinic. We would be lucky if our call gets through. And if it does, chances are the nurse will inform us the doctor is with a patient and can't take our call. Or he is at surgery or on leave.

 

So the next time we see our doctor, we should bring up any questions that are troubling us. Best to write them down so we won't forget. Go prepared not only with questions but with whatever medical records, xrays or documents in case the doctor wants to refer to them, especially if you are seeing another doctor for a second opinion. How many times have we answered 'I'm not sure' or 'I don't remember' when the doctor asks us about our past medical history. Better communication between us and our doctor leads to better care for us. 

Here are the 10 questions we might want to ask our doctor. The list is by no means exhaustive. 

1. What is the cause of my illness?

2. What is the test for?

3. When will I get the results?
4. Why do I need this treatment?

5. What can happen if I don't take this treatment?
6. Are there any alternatives?
7. What are the possible complications?

8. Are there any side effects of the medication?
9. Will this medicine interact with medicines that I'm already taking?

10. Are cheaper options available?

If for some reason we need to look for a new doctor, we would do well to take a look at this website for the 17 questions to ask when choosing a new doctor.

Do watch this 7-minute video above that features patients and clinicians discussing the importance of asking questions and sharing information.  

THE RISE OF THE NEW 'OLD'

We are familiar with the 'New Normal' and have adjusted to it quite well. There is also another New Normal going around. This is the rise of a new generation of older people - the baby boomers, born between 1946 to 1964, the post-WW2 boom years. They are now aged 56 to 74. They have had the benefit of education, a good career and are now reaping the rewards of years of hard work. 

These septuagenarians and octogenarians are giving 'old age' a brand new meaning and image. Thanks to advances in medicine, science and technology, the New 'Old' are fitter, healthier and looking much younger than their counterparts from their parents' generation. And their numbers are growing, worldwide. 

Remember Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal in the 1970 movie 'Love Story'? She was so pretty and he was so handsome, and both were so young then. She was 30, and Ryan 28. Half a century has passed. They are now 80 and 78. From their pictures above, both have aged remarkably well. 

Which begs the question - why do some people age better than others? What do they do that is different? Is it the genes they have inherited? 

Let us look at more examples of the New 'Old' to get some answers.

These grandmas (see below), all in their 60s, caused a sensation when videos of them sashaying along the city streets in Beijing began circulating on the internet. Grandmas are not supposed to look this glamorous. They are breaking all the rules in the Handbook on Ageing. As one of them says, "If you are always afraid of death and ageing, your life is grey. So you need to face it (ageing) with positivity." Well said indeed.

 

Here's another Beijing sensation - Wang Deshun. Hard to believe he is 84 this year. A bare-chest picture of him strutting down the catwalk turned him into an overnight household name in China, and thanks to social media, his fame has spread worldwide. Passion plays a huge role in Deshun's journey to being fit and in top physical form. When we have a burning passion, a goal in our lives, it becomes the driving force for us to want to age well so that we can achieve our goal. 

 

It's not just about looking fabulous. It's also about having the stamina and energy to run a marathon, to cycle cross-country, to climb mountains. Or just boogie-woogie! Meet German couple Dietmar, 73, and Nellia, 67. They can outlast and outclass younger couples on the dance floor. Their dance videos are trending on YouTube. Watching them doing all those age-defying twists and turns leaves us breathless and wondering how they can be so flexible and energetic. Most people their age would be feeling aches and pain in their joints. Their secret? They have been dancing since they were teenagers. It's all about getting an early start to being active, and maintaining it through the years. A daily regime of exercise strengthens our immune system and protects our body against frailty. Dancing is definitely a very enjoyable form of exercise. 

 

We have our own crop of New Age grandmas and grandpas too. Here are some of them. Don't they look fabulous! 

First up is this youthful couple, Mr and Mrs Jagjeet Singh. He is 87 and she is 80. Such a picture of glowing health and marital harmony. Mrs J, as she is fondly referred to, recently wrote her first book. She did it in just two months during the Covid-19 pandemic. Now isn't that excellent use of extended stay-home time? I am eagerly waiting to read about her seven secrets to staying young. She does Nordic walking daily to keep fit, and watches what she eats.

 

And there is Judy Chong-Lee. Would you believe she is a 67-year old grandma? She could easily pass for a university student. For married couples, Judy has this to say, "If there's a formula for looking and feeling good in addition to a healthy diet, exercise and sleep, it is also doing our best to look good for our spouse and give each other TLC in words, thoughts and deeds. And if there is any argument or quarrel, the remedy is instant forgiveness and reconciliation." Excellent advice.

Another awe-inspiring New 'Old' is Yusuf Hashim, 75. He retired at 53 and has been living life to the hilt since. When you listen to how he has been spending his retirement years (see video below), you can't help but feel a tad envious. A gypsetter (his own word for who he is), his love of adventure has taken him to all corners of the world. He has visited remote and exotic places that we can only dream about or appreciate vicariously through the beautiful photos he has taken of his travels. (I just listened to an interview where he shares his views on a wide range of topics. He makes a lot of sense, at least to me.)

In 2017, I had the opportunity to interview Team Strong Silver (TSS) in Singapore. Formed in 2013, TSS comprises core members Ng Bee Kia, 71, Ngai Hin Kwok, 68 and Ng Siu Chi, 58, who was away at the time of the interview. Now three years on, they are still working their muscles and doing daily calisthenics – gymnastic exercises that use one’s own body strength. If there was a Seniors edition of Men's Health magazine, TSS would be a shoo-in for the cover. Their well-toned sculpted bodies are the envy of men decades younger than them, and I bet also secretly admired by the ladies. Check out the interview and photos here.

Think only young people dance to Jerusalema? Think again. Here are my senior lady friends and I doing the latest dance craze last month (Sept). Four minutes of sweaty fun repeated several times makes for an enjoyable workout, not to mention the social connection that comes with each session - chats over coffee or tea and a piece of cake or two. Our seniors know the importance of having friends to hang out with or just to share stories. This helps to keep our spirit up and drives away any hint of depression.

So where is that elusive fountain of youth that we can take a sip or two from? Guess what? It's right here, within ourselves and in the great outdoors. 

When not taking our health seriously means suffering comorbidities and high medical expenses in old age, we don't have much of a choice. It's never too late or too early to start. We can't avoid ageing and slowing down. It is part and parcel of the life-death journey. But we can do something about preventing disease and infirmity. So watch what we eat. Eat less, and eat smart. Exercise more, and regularly. And pay heed to our mental health. Know how to de-stress.

The mantra for the 'New Old' is to aim for longer health span as opposed to longer life span. We want to enjoy more healthy years and fewer years of frailty. Just remember the trinity of successful ageing and take care of each one of them: physical health, mental health and psychological health. That is the recipe for ageing well and looking great. With self-determination and support from family and friends, this goal is certainly achievable. So let's get started.

Related article: TIME FOR NEW LABELS FOR THE NEW 'OLD' (I wrote this in 2013)

(Postscript: Frankly, I have always hated the word 'old'. I prefer 'older' as in 'older people', a term I use often in my writings. It has a gentler feel about it. Besides, the definition of old age is relative to whom you ask. To children, anyone above 25 is old. But to the seniors themselves, 65 is still young enough to enjoy the best time of their lives.)