WHEN I'M 64...

(The article below is contributed by Linda Toh, who writes about her recent reunion with her former classmates of Convent JB.)

This year is a very significant year for the convent girls from Johor Baru who left school in 1964 after completing their Malaysian Certificate of Education (MCE). Significant because they will be celebrating their 64th birthday this year.........32 of the classmates met in a hotel in JB recently to renew their friendship and their theme song aptly chosen was the famous Beatles song ”When I’m 64”.

It was good meeting up with our old friends. The last time we met was four years ago. Needless to say we needed the help of name tags to identify our friends for Time had not only rearranged our faces but also our figures. One of my friends came up and told me that she would like to remember me when I was 17 years old in school. I was tall and willowy and if there was a strong wind it would blow me away. Alas today with my present figure it would a tornado to do the same. We laughed on this matter.

Our programme began with the Master of Ceremonies introducing all of us as our memory of classmates needed jolting. There were oh’s and ah’s as names were mentioned. Then it was sweet confession time. Only a handful of us like Kee Soon, Sin Foong and our ex head girl Ah Yew were still working. The rest were retirees. Wan Esah who has 6 children has 20 grandchildren was proclaimed the winner of being the most productive. Soon Moi who battled against breast cancer is now an active social worker for a hospital and volunteers her time advising those who are about to go for breast cancer operations and are fearful about the future. She is also good with her hands and each of us got a handmade hair band as a door gift.

Happy 64th Birthday to these lovely ladies!

Elizabeth had all us laughing in stitches when she took the floor and told us about her journey as a single mother. She became a widow when her husband died in an accident at the tender age of 27 and had two sons aged 6 and 7 to bring up. She did not wallow in self pity. She was a teacher and after school hours she gave tuition. Her reputation as a tuition teacher was so good that she had students on the waiting list. She worked hard and today both her sons are chemical engineers. What a tremendous feat!

Then there were invitations. Teng Siew who now lives in Washington offered to bring us around if we ever went there. Kok Kheng now residing in Auckland also made the same offer. While updating the paths that were taken by our ex classmates, there were many anxious mothers who tried to advertise the availability of their unmarried children. “I have two eligible daughters,” said one anxious mother, and yet another retorted, “I have 3 eligible sons.” “Photos, photos!” shouted another, “we want to see their photos”. We laughed over this, knowing that our children will not take too kindly to our attempts to match-make them!

Food was served and as we ate, we exchanged photos of our loved ones. We mingled around as we exchanged e-mail and Facebook contact. There were constant peals of laughter from the three tables. We then took group photographs. The MC Jane invited us to share stories of our Convent days. We remembered how her bag was thrown out of class by the teacher for some misbehaviour and how another classmate went to her rescue. She explained the situation and got Jane off the hook. Along memory lane we reminisced the fear we had in our maths teacher. God bless her soul. Sadly we thought of a few of our classmates who have passed away. We basked in the glory of two of our classmates who became doctors and two who became professors.


The girls from Convent JB, Class of 1964 at the reunion. Click on picture to enlarge.

Mariam and Siti Fatimah remembered with fondness how every Wednesday we would have singing lessons. We sat on the floor, around the piano as Mrs Selvarajah, now a famous writer of cook books and residing in Australia, (Carol, if you read this please contact us) taught us songs which up to today are etched in our memory. The repertoire included oldies like Annie Laurie, Drink to me only with thine eyes, I‘ll take you home again, Kathleen and all the Xmas carols. The Xmas carols were important because just before school was dismissed in December, all students had to bring two gifts to donate to the poor. As we sang the carols we walked up to the Nativity scene and placed our presents there. It was a sight to behold - all the pupils, regardless of race and religion, bearing the gifts.

We remembered our visits to the chapel, a quaint room upstairs where during examination time it was frequently visited as the students sought for divine help. And yes we remembered the nuns not for their lessons in daily subjects but for the way they taught us manners. They would not stand for misbehaviour. The nuns churned out students who not only excelled in studies but also etiquette. They prepared us for the real harsh world that we were going to enter after leaving the convent school. Oh those good old convent days!

The next activity was line dancing. After exercising our jaws and pigging out we needed to lose the calories that we had put on. Our classmates Pau Lin and Nancy taught us simple line dances because not all were familiar with the steps. Lucy surprised us with her dance moves. Four years ago she only had left feet! After some time the ladies did their own version of dancing. It was good to see them doing the cha cha, rumba and waltz.

All too soon it was time to call it a day We had been letting our hair down from 10 am and it was almost 4 pm. There were long journeys to be made. Five had come from Singapore, two from Batu Pahat, and one from Seremban. Those who had settled abroad still had some of their family members in Johor Baru. They made this trip as it coincided with Chinese New Year. The farewells were made and a promise that we would meet again in two years’ time. This time we told the committee that we would like to go for a short cruise together or even take a short trip to Malaysia and stay in a hotel. We also said that we would try and contact the missing 30+ ex classmates so that the next get-together would be a more meaningful one.

If anyone reading this is a classmate and would like to make contact, please email the writer at Tolinda@streamyx.com. Before we parted we thanked the committee for their arduous task in making this get-together a success. We appreciated the trouble they took to get the names and addresses of all of us.

And so the 1964 Convent girls from JB bade farewell... There were lots of hugs and take care reminders....2013 we will meet again, God willing.

ONLINE HELP FOR CAREGIVERS

My elder daughter in Singapore emailed me the link to the Silver Pages website, launched last month by the Ministry of Health's Agency For Integrated Care (AIC). It's exactly what I've been searching for ever since I turned primary caregiver for my mother. She has dementia and is also recovering from hip surgery. Sure, there are plenty of similar websites offering more or less the same services and resources. But this one is local, with names that are familiar, and places that are accessible.

Silver Pages provides information on major chronic conditions such as dementia, diabetes and stroke, where to seek long-term care for such diseases, and where to purchase home care products ranging from elderly-friendly mobile phones to hospital  beds. Each product comes with the list price and the supplier's address.

That's not all. You can take a simple assessment test to find out the type of caregiving services or living arrangements best suited for your needs. The website also offers information on how you can pay for long-term health care, and what financial schemes are available to Singaporeans and permanent residents.

Finally, there's the online helpdesk that you can call up and enquire about long-term care services. Operating hours are 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.

My favourite page is the Caregiver's Resources. There are links to resources e.g. Tips for Caring for the Elderly, Healthy Eating for Seniors, and Managing Your Stress.

Do check out Silver Pages. If you are a caregiver, you would want to bookmark this website and recommend it to others as well.

HOME SERVICES FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE

Back in the early 1980s a close friend of mine bought over an old Milo van and converted it into a hot-dog and burger mobile business venture. It was probably the first meals-on-wheels in the country. I'm not sure whether it was the novelty that attracted customers wherever it went, or the friendly service, but he did a roaring business especially on Saturday nights.

If Lake Gardens was your favourite couples' haunt in those days, you would probably have seen Prem's mobile van parked there to cater to hungry young lovers out on a date night. (pic: a typical Meals-on-Wheels).

Mobile vans are great for providing home services too. There is money to be made for those enterprising and creative enough to venture into this niche business. I was waiting for transport in the Mont Kiara area when I chanced upon the Hello Handyman mobile van. I thought it was such a great idea to have repair services brought right to your doorstep. We have used their services and find them quite satisfactory.

Above: Lawrence Yoong and Ryan Foong - the enterprising young men behind Hello Handyman, the home maintenance and repair business.

That's also how I met Casey of MV Ideas Enterprise. Give him a call if you want to get your car washed, waxed and vacuumed without having to leave your house or lift a finger! How absolutely convenient, especially on a lazy Sunday when you would rather relax at home with the family.



Above: Casey and his car wash business. A look at what's inside his mobile van.

It was Casey who drew my attention to MyIdeas set up by the Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation to encourage Malaysians to come up with creative ideas "to improve the society and overall Malaysian life". It's a great way to get feedback on your ideas. The ministry will convert the best ideas into reality, as in Casey's car wash mobile business.

With my mom (and me) housebound, I can think of a host of home services that could be quite successful with the right marketing and management, beginning with home nursing care. Here are more to think about:

Pet grooming

Dry cleaning (pick up & delivery)

Aquarium cleaning

PC troubleshooting

Grocery delivery

Shoe repair

Clothes alteration

There's no limit to the kind of home services one can provide for the stay-at-home, in particular the elderly who have to rely on others for such services.

Five steps to getting your creative ideas realized. (Source: MyIdeas website)

DEMENTIA - ARE WE AT RISK?

I'm glad I decided to go ahead with my plan to attend the just-concluded Asia Pacific Conference on Ageing organized by the Gerontological Society of Singapore in conjunction with its 25th anniversary celebrations.

Given my mother's condition, I was particularly interested in the presentations on dementia and caregiving of the elderly with dementia. I picked up some really useful information that helped me understand my mother's dementia and my role as her primary caregiver. It was comforting to know about the existence of support groups and options available for homecare and nursing services.

There is currently no pharmaceutical cure for dementia. The risk of dementia increases with age. That puts most of us aged 65 and above at risk. The statistics below are certainly alarming:





By 2030, 20% of Singapore's population will be aged 65 and above.

Fortunately, there are steps we can take to reduce the risk. Seek treatment if you have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. You are at risk if you have had a stroke or suffer from depression.

Here are the 10 warning signs of Dementia to look out for. We may experience similar situations from time to time. The difference with dementia is that these behaviours will progressively get worse and affect the patient’s ability to live and function safely and independently.

1.Memory loss that affects day-to-day function
2.Difficulty doing familiar tasks
3.Confusion about time and place
4.Problems communicating
5.Difficulty planning or solving problems
6.Poor or decreased judgment
7.Misplacing things
8.Changes in mood or behaviour
9.Changes in personality
10.Withdrawal from work or social activities
(Source: Health Promotion Board, Singapore)

Conference attendees were each given a copy of the award-winning short film "Ah Kong" written and directed by Royston Tan. It's a story of a young man's attempts to help his grandfather remember his past as he struggles with dementia. However, it is not the past that the old man forgets, but the present.

IT TAKES THE WHOLE FAMILY

My mother was discharged on Monday evening 21 March. The final bill for 15 days of hospitalization, angioplasty and bipolar hemiarthoplasty came to RM45,532.90. There's still weeks if not months of follow-up medical examinations and physiotherapy, not to mention a supply of expensive pills for the rest of her life. By no means is the final bill truly the last one. (Pic: mom taking her first steps on the stairs in the physiotherapy room)

Looking after an elderly parent who's just had hip surgery can be very demanding. Many times more so when she has dementia. Whatever advice or precaution you give doesn't sink in. A lot of time and patience is needed to explain and repeat instructions given by the doctors. As soon as you have done explaining one simple instruction, it's forgotten within the next minute.

It is this dementia that complicates an otherwise smooth transition to full recovery for my mother. It is also this that wears down the caregiver, yours truly, who has to keep an eye on her almost every minute of the day. Fortunately, everyone at home helps out. My 5-year old grand-daughter watches over mom while I am in the kitchen preparing a glass of milk for her. "Make sure great grandma doesn't try to get up from her bed," I tell her. She nods her head, feeling important and proud to be a member of the homecare team.

The nights are the most stressful for me. I have to be alert for every sound or move that my mom makes. There's the constant fear that she might try and get up on her own. So I fight sleep to be on guard. My mom doesn't fully comprehend the dire consequences of a second fall, even though the doctor has repeatedly reminded her. In fact she stubbornly insists that she's never had an operation in her life, even when we show her the x-rays and medical reports.

That's the challenge of caring for my mom. And it looks like the family's in for the long haul.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes the whole family to care for an elderly parent, especially one with medical problems. At least, that's the way it should be. Not only should family members contribute towards the medical expenses, but also share in the caregiving. More helping hands means less stress for the primary caregiver.

Siblings can take turns to spend time with their aged parent. It shouldn't always have to be the daughter who is not married, or who has no children, or who is widowed, to be the primary caregiver, as is the general practice. This is making presumptions that she is the best person to take care of their aged mother or father. Everyone has to make sacrifices, not just one sibling. It should not be that life goes on uninterrupted for all, except the caregiver sibling who has to make drastic adjustments to her lifestyle.

I am pointing this out because I know of many cases where the unmarried daughter is often the sibling who bears the heavy responsibility of caring for an ailing parent all on her own. It's time the other siblings woke up to the fact that it's a shared responsibility. Those who can't provide the physical caregiving, can contribute financially towards the care of their elderly parents. So, ladies, you are no less filial if you appeal to your other siblings for some assistance, financial or otherwise. Their empathy alone is not enough. (Pic: I picked this up at the National Library Singapore last month. A good read for daughters who are caregivers of their elderly parents.)

I am fortunate that my siblings are supportive. My younger sister from Batu Pahat is relieving me for the next few days so that I can attend the Asia Pacific Conference on Ageing in Singapore. I have cancelled all my scheduled activities and appointments for the coming months, except for the APCA. Hopefully I might pick up something useful that will help me to better understand my mom's dementia and provide her with the care that she needs.

NO SCHOLARSHIPS FOR RETIREES

Here's another personal encounter with age discrimination.

Early this month I heard that UniSIM was offering a Master of Gerontology course commencing this July. It was the first university in Singapore to do so. I was excited as for the past two years I had been looking for just such a course of study. A post-graduate degree in gerontology would definitely add credibility to my writings on Seniorsaloud, and open doors to new career opportunities.

As a strong advocate of life-long learning, I was eager to register for the course. Classes would be held on alternate weekends at the Clementi campus in Singapore. The modules covered areas that were familiar to me. The entire course could be completed in one and a half years. Students could start with the 9-month compulsory course leading to the Graduate Diploma in Gerontology. They could then decide whether to continue with another nine months of elective courses leading to a Master of Gerontology. The flexibility of the course structure suited me perfectly.

My Seniorsaloud card which I always refer to as my PASSION card.

The only hesitation I had was over the fees - S$15,408 for the Graduate Diploma, and S$30,816 for the Master degree. There was a 20% concession for applicants aged 60 and above. That would certainly help retirees thinking of registering for the course.

Then my mother had a fall.

I watched incredulously as the hospital bills kept escalating, and the savings kept dwindling. That started me on an online search for scholarships.

To my utter disappointment. I found that every foundation that offered post-graduate scholarships had a maximum age limit for applicants - not more than 30 or 35 years.

Age is a deterrent to older applicants for scholarships.

Fine, I can accept that companies consider scholarships as investments, and that it makes more sense to invest in younger people, simply because they can get more lifelong mileage out of a 30-year-old than a 60-year-old. But older students are more committed, and bring with them a wealth of life experiences that would contribute richly to the class dynamics and to the learning process. This is particularly so with gerontology - the study of the ageing process and the problems of the aged.


Sometimes, when you're older, you really have to go the extra mile to compete with the younger folks.

There shouldn't be a cap on upper age limit for scholarships just as there is no age limit placed on university admission. I am sure the members of scholarship selection committees are themselves in the 50+ age group. Surely they could be more supportive of older adults returning to school again. And haven't they heard that 60 is the new 40? Why must it always be about ROI?

I have at least a good 10 years of working life in me. At present, one in 11 Singaporeans is aged 65 and above. By 2030, it will be one in five. With the population ageing rapidly in Singapore and across the region, there is an urgent need for qualified gerontologists. I know I make a darn good one.

Click here to find out more about careers that involve a knowledge of gerontology. (Source: Mississippi State University)

The closing date for application is coming up on 31 March. I am applying the Law of Attraction and hoping that the universe picks up my request and respond. Who knows I might find a letter in my (e)mail box with an offer of scholarship or sponsorship for the Master of Gerontology course!

In the meantime, I shall resort to buying a lottery ticket of two...

ENCOUNTERING AGE DISCRIMINATION AT THE BANK

My mother hasn't been discharged yet, but every few days, the hospital would contact me and request for a RM8000 top-up. So far, the cost of her 12-day hospitalization, angioplasty and hip surgery has exceeded RM31,000. She has at least another 4-5 days to go before she can go home. I dread to receive the final bill.

Yesterday I was at the bank on what I knew was a 'mission impossible' - to ask for a raise on my credit card limit so I could pay for each hospital top-up. No harm trying, I thought. Just as I had feared, the bank imposed conditions that I couldn't meet because of my age. It was all too familiar, as I was given the same conditions when I tried to apply for a second credit card last year.


What were the conditions? They wanted me to submit my latest income statement. Hello, I'm 63 and retired. I haven't been in full-time employment for years. They also asked for a copy of my FD accounts. The amounts I have in my FDs are embarrassing, and for my eyes only.

Doesn't it count that I have never been in credit card debt, or any debt, for that matter? I have a sparkling clean record, and an AAAA rating on my integrity. But I guess the banks are not impressed by such pristine track records. They can't impose a fee on me for late payment or charge me interest on bank loans or overdrafts. In short, I'm not considered a good customer.


The bill I received on 16 March - this is only a sub-total of page 1. Take a closer look at the most costly items. (Click on image to enlarge.)

All this means I have to get a banker's cheque made out in favour of the hospital. The hospital does not accept personal cheques. And if the costs keep escalating, as they definitely will, I'll have to visit the bank 2-3 more times to get the cheques done. What a hassle!

And that's not the only case of age discrimination I encountered of late. More in the next blog post.

Related Post:
Credit Card Discrimination Against Retirees