Are my retirement savings enough?

 

A 6.3% dividend for our EPF savings? It was definitely welcome news for every active contributor regardless of age. That’s the highest rate since 6.4% in 2017 and a significant jump from 5.4% last year.

But hold your horses before you start celebrating. The rise in price of essential goods and services, and the impending higher costs of medicine and hospital charges would likely even out any real gains in our retirement savings.

Let’s get down to some basics. How much do you spend a month on average? EPF’s latest Belanjawanku 2024-2025 guide recommends a monthly budget of RM 2,690 for a senior single and RM3,390 for a senior couple living in the Klang Valley where the cost of living is higher. Are your monthly expenses anywhere close to those figures? Perhaps you have no clue?

If you spend without keeping track of how much goes where, then it’s time to work out a simple budget for your monthly expenses. Allocate for these main items: Food, utilities, transportation, healthcare, personal care, social activities and miscellaneous.

One major item not in the list – loans and mortgage. Most retirees would have paid off their housing loan, and since they are no longer eligible for bank loans, they are free from that encumbrance too. Stay away from loans of any kind, and dubious money-lenders. You need to be debt-free in your retirement. Prudent money management is key to financial security for retirees.

Unfortunately, wisdom does not always equate with age for some retirees when it comes to money management. This is especially true for those who withdraw all their EPF savings in one lump sum upon reaching 55. They make plans for what they can do with the savings. Dreams can finally be fulfilled. Enough capital to start a small business or invest in quick-returns schemes and trips to exotic places. Some will go on a shopping spree for branded items and jewellery while others will indulge in classy watches or luxury cars.

The retirement years is not the time to keep up with appearances. These are the retirees who find themselves suddenly with so much money in their bank account they become reckless or foolish with their spending. Did you know that you can leave your savings in EPF till age 100? And you can arrange for monthly withdrawals?

Think carefully, spend wisely

There are retirees who subscribe to YOLO (You Only Live Once). They don’t want to miss out on the good things in life. They want to live life to the fullest. When they leave, they can say they have no regrets.

Their bucket list is no longer a wish list. “It’s my money and I can do what I want with it” is their response to well-meaning advice.

What about emergencies like an urgent surgery? “My children will take care of that”, they will say. Will they? Can they? Best not take for granted our children will care for us, support us in our old age.

They may not be financially independent. They may be pursuing post-graduate studies, or have housing loans, car loans and credit card debts to settle. Or young children to raise. Some may need funds to start a business. Who will they turn to for interest-free loans? Mommy and daddy, of course. It’s hard to say “No”. There goes a huge chunk of our hard-earned retirement savings.

At the other extreme are those who guard their savings like Uncle Scrooge, scrimping and getting by with the bare minimum even though they have accumulated a sizeable nest egg. They fear they may not have enough should a calamity befall them like an emergency health crisis that would gobble up almost their entire savings.

Most insurance policies provide coverage only till 75 years.

We lament government wastage of public funds but we are guilty of wasteful spending too. Buying more than we need and spending on things that do nothing to improve our health or wellbeing. Mindless shopping, that’s what it is. Instant gratification when we should know better at our age.

But of course, if you have plenty of money to spare, by all means indulge. Just pray you have enough set aside for emergencies that may swallow up almost all your life’s savings.

Even death is costly these days. Funeral packages can cost anything from RM20k!

There is no need to deprive ourselves of the simple things in life. Spend wisely and within our budget. Live a simple life. Indulge occasionally. Economise. Downsize. Less is more. When we spend less on wants, we have more to spend on needs.

One of the biggest concerns of retirees is having enough to cover medical emergencies. Many may not realise that this includes covering not only our own medical and healthcare expenses but also those of our elderly parents.

Planning for longevity

Longer life span means retirees in their 60s and 70s may still be taking care of their parents who are in their 80s and 90s! The longevity dividend is also the longevity deficit.

Just to give you an idea of high hospital charges, not that long ago I spent two weeks in a private hospital for some tests and observation. No surgeries. Nothing invasive except for a very minor procedure, but the bill was a shocker – almost RM30,000!

Another major item to set aside adequate savings for is retirement housing. A day will surely come when we will be alone, through personal choice to remain single, or through the loss of a spouse.

Much as we would prefer to age in place, that is in the comfort of our own home, it is not advisable to live alone in old age, regardless of whether you are still relatively fit and in good health. All it takes is just a fall or a stroke to render us helpless. We may have to seriously consider moving to an aged care facility or a senior retirement home. The fees charged can be anything from RM5000 to RM10,000 a month, depending on the level of care you require.

Will our retirement savings cover the above contingencies?

EPF has come out with the three-tier Retirement Income Adequacy (RIA) Framework set to launch in January 2026: Basic savings of RM390,000, covering essential retirement needs; adequate savings of RM650,000, providing a reasonable standard of living during retirement; and enhanced savings of RM1.3m, supporting greater financial security and independence for a higher quality of life.

We could use the above RIA as a guide. The current existing Basic savings is RM240,000 at age 55. Note the huge increase to keep pace with rising inflation and the current retirement age of 60 in Malaysia.

Saving early and making it a lifelong habit is key to having sufficient retirement funds to live on when you stop working after 60. If you are good at value investment or have a reliable financial advisor, you can make your money grow.

To the average worker, who contributes to EPF, nothing can beat seeing your savings grow exponentially through compound interest. Baby boomers who started contributing when they received their first salary would probably have adequate savings to live comfortably.

With longer life span, retirees need sufficient savings to tide them over the next 10-20 years upon retirement. Never too late to start developing healthy lifestyle habits to avoid non-communicable diseases that are common among older adults.

Long term care can swallow up all our savings. Let’s be responsible for our health rather than rely on the government or our children to take care of us. Be prudent in our spending and stay debt-free.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 12 March 2025. The online edition can be accessed HERE.

VALENTINE'S DAY...IS LOVE ALL AROUND?

Everyday is Valentine’s Day for Mr and Mrs Jagjeet Singh, married for 61 years. — MRS J

It’s Valentine’s Day today. Brisk business for florists, restaurants and hotels as young couples out-do themselves to express their love for each other. From over-priced roses and chocolates to romantic candlelight dinners and the umpteenth honeymoon trip. Love is certainly in the air and all around.

However, for most long-time married couples, the day would likely be just another day. Husbands would think thrice about spending money on gifts for their wives. Wives would probably wish their spouse could be a bit more romantic. Asian husbands are known to be pragmatic, not romantic. To them, a simple satisfying meal at a seafood restaurant, or a movie outing should suffice. A bottle of Chanel No 5? A bouquet of red roses? A new watch? Nah! Wives can dream on.

After all, Valentine’s Day, like birthdays, comes every year. Makes more sense to celebrate silver or golden wedding anniversaries. They come around only once in decades. Such milestones deserve a grand celebration with family and friends. Not Valentine’s Day.

The changing face of love

When a couple has spent more than half a lifetime together, they know practically everything about each other. It’s almost like they can read each other’s mind, down to completing each other’s unfinished sentences. They are so comfortable with each other that they no longer see the need to delight or surprise with little romantic gestures on Valentine’s Day. To such couples, every day is Valentine’s Day, celebrated in a thousand and one simple ways like holding hands when crossing the road, taking turns to cook meals, sharing the household chores, looking after each other when one is sick.

For baby boomer couples now in their 70s, the giddiness of romance has long left their marriage, to be replaced by quiet acceptance or tolerance of each other. Years of familiarity breeds ease and comfort in each other’s company.

On the flip side, while many older couples remain together, there is no love lost between husband and wife, and it is plain for all to see. There is little or no communication, even less physical touch. It is like two strangers living under the same roof out of convenience. For these couples, the last spark of love has long died; the dying embers refuse to be reignited. Divorce is messy and expensive. The best option is to let things be as they have been for so many years. No point rocking the marital boat and plunging into deep waters. Just avoid getting into each other’s hair as far as possible. It all boils down to incompatibility. Perhaps they were not meant for each other in the first place. For them, Valentine’s Day holds no meaning or significance. It’s just another day to be struck off on the calendar.

Many single seniors are happy singles, especially those who went through an unhappy marriage and are divorced. They are living life free from marital woes and stress.

What about senior singles? Do they dread Valentine’s Day? Is it a reminder of their status quo? When they see their married friends happily celebrating with their spouse, do they feel envious? For the widowed, is it a day of loneliness and loss?

Take heart, senior singles. Unless you are married to someone wonderful, it’s better to remain single. Loving, caring husbands are a dying breed. So are loving, caring wives. And if the right one doesn’t show up within your peripheral vision or on your door-step, it’s not the end of the world. Indeed, some married women secretly envy their carefree single girl friends who go where they want, and with whom they like. They answer to no one. Today the single older woman is bold and uncompromising. They are not afraid to live life according to their own rules.

Seeking love out

For senior singles, they have a choice – to remain single, or be open to marriage. But where and how does one find a lifelong partner? Online dating sites? Social hangouts? Activity groups for seniors? Matchmaking agencies?

Back in the 1930s and 40s, arranged marriages were common. Social norms were strict especially for girls. They had little say in the choice of a life partner. Should they lose their husband, they were expected to remain widows for the rest of their lives.

Single parents - my mom and me, with my two little girls in cc 1973. 

This was the case with my mother. She never remarried, and remained a widow for 68 years till she passed away at age 94. It would be rare for a young widow these days to remain single and faithful to the memory of her dearly departed husband. We are all social beings. We need friends, we need companionship. Loneliness in our later years is a slippery road to depression, and that is something to avoid at all costs.

It takes a lot of hard work to nurture a relationship, a lot of give and take to reach that stage where one simply can’t live without the other. They complete each other. Each is the other half, and they fit perfectly together. Many young couples don’t have the patience to work at it. Gone are the days when wedding vows were taken seriously and couples remained married “till death do us part”. Second marriages were almost unheard of, as were divorces. Indeed, to ask for a divorce would be like asking to be ostracized socially.t

We are living in modern times. There is no social stigma attached to remaining single, divorced or separated. Idle tongues do not wag as much now at single older women and men going on dates to celebrate Valentine’s Day. It is liberating to know that society has become more accepting of divorcees and of second marriages. Gossip mongers will have little ammunition to hurt anyone. It is none of their business who their single senior friends go out with, or if the latter decide to get a divorce or marry again. I say this because there are older men and women who deprive themselves of a chance to be happy again in a new relationship, for fear of others talking about them behind their backs. Live life for yourself, not for others.

For longtime married couples that have lost that loving feeling, but do not want a divorce for whatever reasons, there is one solution that is gaining popularity in Japan. It is ‘Sotsukon’. It’s the perfect compromise for couples who still have some affection for each other, but want to have the freedom to pursue their own interests. The arrangement is akin to living together as housemates, with each partner enjoying independence and freedom to make new friends and enjoy a new lifestyle. Both parties may not want to go through a divorce especially if no third party is involved. For these couples Sotsukon makes sense - still together as a couple but living apart. This is not the same as being estranged. They remain friends and still care for each other as in a platonic relationship.

Such arrangement is already in common practice here among older seniors who have no desire to marry or remarry, but are fine with having a constant companion or partner.

Whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, we should be celebrating love every day, in the little things we do, not necessarily in gifts for the people we love. Love doesn’t have to cost a cent. Love can be a genuine smile, a warm hug or an affectionate kiss. Or a good deed for someone we don’t know but who needs our help.

Spread a little love today, and every day. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on 12 Feb 2025. The online version can be acessed at this LINK.

DON'T GET LOST IN TECHNOLOGY

Instructors who conduct courses for seniors must bear in mind that older people learn differently from younger people. - LILY FU

Older seniors in their 70s and above are finding themselves lagging behind in a world that is increasingly becoming unfamiliar to them – the world of technology. Doing things the old way has almost been completely replaced with going online for transactions, services and communication.

The ubiquitous mobile phone has become our office, our link to family and friends, our instant access to knowledge, entertainment and more. We can’t leave home without our phones. We suffer panic, a near heart attack if we have misplaced our phone, or if it’s stolen.

It’s amazing how many apps we have on our mobile phones. There are apps for 1001 uses, from booking a ride to checking our EPF account. My daughter insisted that I installed a certain app that allows her to track my movements. For my safety, she tells me. She knew which places I visited when I was in Luang Prabang, Laos and what time I came safely home after a night out. It would be impossible to hide any secret rendezvous from her! The marvels of technology.

Most banks have stopped issuing savings account books. Account holders have no choice but to switch to online transactions. Parking has become cashless. For those taking public transport, you can only board if you have a RapidKL card or MyKad. Cash is not accepted. The reign of cash as king is in its final days, to be replaced by digital debit cards as ewallets.

Except for home deliveries and courier services, our email address is now more important than our domicile address. Our mobile phone number takes precedence over our landline phone number. How many of us still have a fixed phone line at home anyway?

No escape

Older adults learning to navigate online apps e.g. Waze, Google Drive on their mobile phone and desktop 

Whether we like it or not, want it or not, there is no escape from the technology around us. If we want to fit in, we have to adapt, to learn and to use what we have learned. Those who don’t will get left behind in the digital era.

Unfortunately, there are older adults who have a phobia about learning new skills. Once they reach 60, they think their brains have also reached retirement age. They feel they are too old to learn new skills.

I recall in the late 1990s when teachers were told they had to start using the computer to teach, some of my colleagues in the high school where I was teaching opted for early retirement! They didn’t want to be stressed out learning this new technology. Others took up the challenge and eventually were able to teach confidently using the computer and the projector instead of depending solely on the textbook and blackboard.

Goes to show older adults can learn new skills if they want to, if they have to.

Then there are those who think they have no need for such new learning. They can do without the internet. They don’t need to learn how to use apps. If they have to do any online transactions, they can always get their adult children to do so for them. Fine, to each his own. But just know that it is practically impossible to avoid the use of digital devices and technology. It’s not just apps but also kiosks. There are now kiosks that dispense hot meals and kiosks where we can renew our driving license, or pay our utility bills. Many restaurants are now using QR-code for food orders instead of the printed menu.

The dilemma is this: Who is there to help teach elderly Malaysians basic digital literacy? Who is there to guide them on how to install and use an e-hailing app, buy tickets online or use Waze? There is as yet no educational institute specifically set up for older adults where they can enroll for courses to be digitally empowered, to navigate apps with confidence and access social media platforms.

The closest we have to an institute dedicated to lifelong learning for older adults is University of the Third Age (U3A) Malaysia. It offers a wide range of online and onsite short courses, including computer skills and digital skills for Malaysians aged 50 and above. It is based at MyAgeing – the National Research Institute on Ageing at Universiti Putra Malaysia. It provides an avenue for older adults to pick up new skills without worrying about exams or tests. They learn because they want to, because they now have the time and opportunity to do so.

There is no such thing as being too old to learn something. When an opportunity to learn something new and useful is made available to us, we should seize it. Where there is a will, there is always a way. We have to adopt a positive attitude towards learning. We shouldn’t let the fear of failing or the lack of confidence be our excuse for not learning.

There are many examples of successful learning especially when there is strong motivation to do so. The need to remain in touch with family and friends is a powerful incentive. This is evident in how quickly older adults have embraced Whatsapp and Zoom, for example. Facebook is now dominated by older users, resulting in younger people migrating to Instagram and Tik Tok!

A different classroom

Trainer Osama demonstrating how to convert an image to pdf. It is important to take into account that older adults learn differently from young adults. 

Instructors who conduct courses for seniors must bear in mind that older people learn differently from younger people. Hence, they need to be familiar with “geragogy’” – the theory of how older people learn. For instance, instructors should teach at a slower pace, use bigger font size for text and show some respect for their “senior” students.

It is easy for older learners to forget how to use applications after a lapse of time. There is no point learning something and not applying or practicing it. How often have we heard older adults say they can’t remember their account password, how to check their email or download and install an app. Learn smart – it’s near impossible to learn everything, so be selective. Limit your learning to what is useful to you, so you won’t forget it.

The benefits of empowering older adults with digital tools are enormous. Aside from the convenience of carrying out tasks online and engaging socially online, seniors who run home-based businesses can make use of apps to promote their products or services and have the know-how to reach a wider market.

We are never too old to pick up new skills. All it takes is a change of mindset and attitude. The world is our oyster if we let it be. We may struggle with new learning, but if we are motivated enough, we can do it. Nothing beats motivation when it is something enforced or made compulsory.

With an empty nest at home and time on their hands, the retirement years offer a wonderful opportunity for retirees to acquire new knowledge and prevent the brain from getting rusty.

Learning new things helps us to grow old gracefully, keeps us alert and updated on the latest technologies. Group learning also promotes social interaction and makes our days more enjoyable and meaningful.

Use it, or lose it – that applies to our brains as well. If we continue to use our brain, we are exercising it, stimulating it to think, to analyse, to reason, to stay mentally sharp. Learning new things throughout our lifetime can help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. Our memory improves when we challenge it with learning new skills. Learning something new also boosts self-esteem. When we learn a new skill, we feel a sense of achievement and pride. When we add a new qualification to our name, we earn respect from others. More doors are open to us for employment.

So make this day the start of new learning. Embrace technology for it is here to stay.

(Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.)

The print version of the article can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/01/16/starsilver-dont-get-lost-in-technology/

FIND YOUR TRIBE

Find your tribe - buddies who will be your support system as you journey through life in your later years. - LILY FU

Just a few decades ago, the multi-generational home was the norm. Up to four generations would live together under one roof. Today it would be a challenge to find two generations of retired parents and their adult children living under one roof. As society evolves and as lifestyles change in tandem with greater access to education and travel, adult children move out of the family home to live independently, with some settling overseas or in another part of the country.

With the children all grown and flown, the family home is now an empty nest. This is a period that can make or break a retired couple’s marriage. The Covid years was a good test.

With restrictions on movement, long-time married couples found themselves with only each other for company 24/7. A good opportunity to rekindle romance, or just the opposite – they get on each other’s nerves. If there is no meaningful communication between husband and wife, the days would be painfully long, and a test of patience and tolerance towards each other.

The couple has nothing much to say or share with each other. Silence prevails at meal times. At best the daily verbal exchanges are reduced to “Dinner is ready”, “I’m going out with my friends”, or “Have you paid the electricity bill for this month?”

Mere formalities or inconsequential utterances from old habits.

On the other hand, there are couples who grow closer now that they have the luxury of time and privacy for each other, something they did not have during the years of raising their young children. It is a time to revive fading intimacy, to appreciate each other again, and to value the limited time left in their twilight years.

For as surely as the sun rises and sets each day, there will come a day when one will go before the other. What happens then? Will the surviving spouse look forward to having the whole house to himself? Does this signal total freedom and independence to do as he likes? Or is this the start of a downhill spiral from loneliness and bereavement to depression, with no loving wife to care for him now that she is gone and he is alone.

What about the adult children? Would they open their home to their now-single parent? And would the latter choose to remain in his own home and eventually end up in a senior living facility?

If the couple’s marriage was a rocky or loveless one, then bereavement can mean freedom and liberation. If the wife has spent years looking after an ailing husband, bereavement would also mean an end to the stress of having to care for him.

For these widows, they would want to remain single. They would not entertain the possibility of marrying again. At best, they may have partners or companions but not with a view to tying the knot the second time.

There are also complications arising from a second marriage. What if the children of both sides are not too excited about the prospect of having a stepmother or stepfather? What about inheritance of property and assets upon the death of their parent? This could cause resentment from the children if an outsider enters the family picture and gets a share of their father’s assets.

Silent issues

These are real issues that many senior citizens acknowledge silently but are reluctant to bring up with their children. Having lost their spouse, they may face an uncertain future alone. They can’t and shouldn’t grieve forever. Who would take care of them in their old age, especially if they do not have a strong bond with their children?

Which boils down to the question – how prepared are we to face the future as a solo senior? Who are solo seniors? They are seniors who live alone by choice – they opt to remain single.

There are others who do so due to circumstances as in the loss of a spouse, they are divorced or separated. Other reasons include elderly parents not wanting to be a burden to their children; there is no spare room in their children’s home for them; their lifestyle differs from that of their children.

Whatever the reasons, it is estimated that as many as 9% of older Malaysians live alone, and the number is set to rise.

While solo seniors may welcome the independence, they need and seek social connections. We are social beings. There are things we can’t enjoy or do alone. There is no pleasure in eating every meal alone, or having no one to chat or laugh with every day. Your children are busy with work commitments. They have no time to spend with you.

Whatever the case, you do not want to be on your own all the time, with no one to go out with, share your fears and problems with. That is why elderly individuals who live alone end up keeping a pet dog or cat for company. Loneliness and social isolation in the elderly is a serious social ill that needs to be addressed.

The fastest way to deal with this is to take action ourselves rather than wait for the government to address this growing social problem. One effective solution is to seek out social groups that you can fit in with, that offer a wide range of activities you can take up.

Over a period of time, you will get to know certain individuals that you can click with. And if it’s mutual, they will be your tribe.

What is a tribe?

It is a group of what young people refer to as BFF – best friends forever. They are your buddies, your inner circle of friends. They will be the ones journeying with you, supporting you through all weather, and be there with you till the end.

A tribe is formed organically through getting to know other seniors at social gatherings and activities.

Your tribe doesn’t have to be big. What is more important is being able to trust one another, and be there for one another. Your tribe should preferably have a mix of different ages, from 60s to 80s, of both genders and include other solo seniors as well as married couples.

If you haven’t found your tribe, don’t wait too long. You will be amazed how having buddies to do fun things together can improve your mental health and wellbeing. The days no longer drag by. Indeed, there is something to look forward to each day: A movie outing, a concert, a hike, a trip, a game of pickle ball, a dance class or an AI workshop. An endless list of activities to fill the hours happily while enjoying some quiet time too when alone at home.

You get to enjoy the best of both worlds, with friends and by yourself. This is how life should be for solo seniors.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The print version of this article was first published in the Star on Wed 18 Dec at this link:

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/12/18/starsilver-finding-your-tribe-in-the-golden-years

A TOAST TO REUNIONS

Fu (front row, purple tee) and friends coming together to celebrate the 80th birthday of two SeniorsAloud members.

Several invitations over the past few weeks have prompted me to write this article. There was my uncle’s 91st birthday celebration, followed by my niece’s wedding and my university mates’ meetup. What all these have in common is an opportunity to meet up and catch up with relatives and friends I have not seen for years.

Once you hit your 70s and 80s, celebrations and reunions take on a new significance. With each passing year, you mark each auspicious occasion with a silent prayer. You thank God that you are still around to attend, and they are still around to celebrate.

You notice not all of your friends and relatives have made it through each year. Some have passed on without saying goodbye.

Some are bedridden in nursing homes. You have visited a few in hospital, and you have seen the pain and suffering they go through as they battle sickness and poor health. Not all can count their blessings.

You know that life is precious. So are old friends, especially those you have been to school or college with.

You were young then, so were they. Those shared memories are forever etched in your heart. For who will laugh at your silly teenage pranks and escapades except for those who were there with you?

We cracked up as we reminisced over the silly things we did. We mimicked our teachers, and exchanged notes on who’s where now, doing what, and with whom. And we remembered with sadness those that have passed on.

We should look forward to class reunions and anniversary celebrations, rather than avoid them. Whether it is a small informal get-together at a friend’s house or a gala dinner at a hotel, we enjoy reviving the camaraderie of former school days.

My two years of Form Six in English College, Johor Baru, were among the best years of my life. They were my coming-of-age years. I was 17 then. I discovered rock n’ roll and BOYS!

I learned to dance, went on dates and had my first taste of puppy love. All very innocent though. Most teenagers then were either too naive or too goody-two-shoes to try anything more than holding hands and exchanging love letters! It’s a different world now, so I hear.

Not everyone finds walking down memory lane a pleasant stroll. For some people, it can be a painful one, filled with remembrances that are best left buried and forgotten. But to others, reminiscing on treasured memories brings joy and contentment.

Why then do so many who have retired turn down invitations to school anniversaries and class reunions?

Why is there this reluctance to meet up with old friends? I recently attended Kuen Cheng High School’s 116th anniversary. I taught English there for 30+ years. I retired in Dec 2004. I have not missed any anniversary except during the Covid years.

As is the case in past years, I know I’ll be one of only a handful of ex-colleagues who will turn up at the anniversary. The number keeps dwindling each year. Where are the others?

Here’s the usual response from those who skip such social functions:

For the ladies: “No transport. Not sure how to get there”; “Busy. Have something on the same night”; “I’ve changed so much – old and fat now. Shy to go”; “I don’t feel well. Besides I have to babysit my grandchildren”; “My husband doesn’t want to go with me, and I don’t want to go on my own”.

For the men: “It’s too far for me to drive. The traffic’s is really bad”; “I don’t see well at night. I’m not sure of the way”; “It’ll probably be boring. I prefer to stay at home”; “I don’t like them to ask what I’m doing now”; “You mean there’s a fee? It’s not free?”.

People who are not keen on attending will always come up with endless excuses. They just can’t be persuaded. Reunions are anathema to them. As I think of friends from the old days, I wonder how many of us can honestly say we have made attempts to keep in touch? It doesn’t help either that as we age, the memory of dear old friends fades with each passing year.

“Make new friends, don’t forget the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”

Remember those lines? We used to write them in our classmates’ autograph books as a reminder to keep in touch after high school.

Sadly, we can now recall only a few faces and even fewer names. And when we finally make contact, it is to learn that a former classmate has passed on, another is battling cancer and yet another is suffering from Alzheimer’s. Fortunately, there are friends who are still hale and hearty, and enjoying their second prime of life.

Fu (front row, seven from left) and friends and members meet up at University of the Third Age (U3A) Malaysia at their Hi-Tea get-together in 2022. - Photos: - LILY FU

Don’t miss the chance

If you have lost touch with friends whom you grew up with, or studied with, it’s not too late to re-establish contact. With Google, Facebook, Linked-in and a host of other social networking apps and platforms, it is easy enough to search for long-lost buddies. Unless they prefer to remain uncontactable.

Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We have all been through both good and bad times. We can choose to remember the happy moments, or focus on negative past experiences that leave us feeling bitter.

So which will it be? The answer is obvious, yet there are people who choose to remember only the bad times, and that’s why they turn down invitations to meet up – because of old schoolgirl or schoolboy quarrels or some silly misunderstanding. Harboring negative emotions is akin to having toxins in our body.

When my college mates and I finished Form Six back in 1966, we went separate ways. We were too busy furthering our studies, and then pursuing a career. Before we knew it, along came the children and then one financial commitment after another.

There was hardly any time for friends or social activities. All too soon the children grew up and left to start their own career and family, leaving us with an empty nest.

Eventually when the other half passes on, it will be just us alone. That’s when loneliness starts to creep in, and regrets take over. Good friends provide an important support system that keeps us going. They help to fill the void. They are our travelling companions, partners-in-adventure, and pillars of strength in our times of need.

Having friends is good for our mental health too. Much as I enjoy my moments of solitude, I can’t imagine a life where I have only myself or my cat for company. Loneliness can slowly develop into depression over the years. And that is something we should avoid like the plague!

The next time you get an invitation to a class reunion or a small get-together of former school buddies, don’t turn it down. GO. It might be the beginning of old friendships rekindled. At our age, who can tell when we will ever get another opportunity to rekindle old friendships again.

With the year-end and new-year festive season coming up, there will be plenty of celebrations – opportunities for old and new friends to meet up.

There is the Chinese New Year reunion dinner in January, followed by various festivals and celebrations throughout the year. Will you show up at these gatherings and touch base with those you have not seen for years?

Or will it be a case of ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ till you read about their passing in the obituaries. Here’s to dear old friends wherever you are. Let’s meet up.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 20 Nov 2024. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/11/24/starsilver-reunions-can-be-uplifting-and-build-connections-for-seniors.)

TIME TO TAKE STOCK

A sewing class for senior citizens as one of the PAWE Subang Jaya hobbycraft activities. - LILY FU

What a month it has been, and it’s not quite over yet. Oct 1 is International Day of Older Persons (IDOP). It marks the start of a month-long programme of activities and events for senior citizens.

There are seminars, carnivals, workshops, free health screenings and discounted buffets, to name a few, for them to enjoy.

A far cry from the early 2000s when the day would pass mostly unheralded. I remember a few days before Oct 1, I would scan the newspapers for any mention of upcoming events honouring senior citizens. Not a word. No mention at all.

I remember writing about the government and society’s apathetic attitude towards our older citizens. They have served the country well in their younger days and deserve to be acknowledged for their contribution to nation-building.

All that has changed, thanks to the work of international organisations like the United Nations, World Bank and Help Age International.

They have drawn worldwide attention to the rise in the elderly population, and its ramifications.

On the local front, we have NGOs like MyAgeing, Malaysian Healthy Ageing Society (MHAS), Gerontological Society of Malaysia (GEM) and others that have worked hard to raise awareness of the changing demographics and how this would impact the country.

Malaysia will reach aged nation status by 2030 when 15% of our population will be aged 60 and above.

This rise is predicted to accelerate due to longer life expectancy and a declining fertility rate.

IDOP is a time not only to celebrate our older population and recognise their contributions, but also a time to take stock. What progress have we made in improving life for our senior citizens? What more needs to be done? How prepared is the government to face the challenges brought about by a fast-greying population?

While we applaud the government for finally taking note and organising campaigns and activities to improve the health and wellbeing of senior citizens, and setting up more elderly-friendly facilities and services in public buildings, we must not forget those who are living in poverty, who are struggling with poor health, and who are victims of abuse and discrimination.

Living longer does not necessarily mean living better.

Society as a whole still views older people as unproductive, and therefore not worthy of investing money in.

Old people are considered a “lost” cause, with no ROI value. It explains why senior citizens clubs and organisations have difficulty raising money to fund their activities.

The young old – those in their 60s and 70s are still fit and certainly still able to contribute their services to society if given the opportunity.

Don’t write them off as past their productive shelf life. They can fill the gap in the shortage of younger workers in sectors such as administration and customer service.

If you are 60 and above, you are likely to have encountered instances of ageism at one time or another. Indeed, older people face age discrimination on a daily basis, especially if they lack education or financial resources.

Even at home, elderly parents find that no one listens to them. Their advice is often not sought for family decisions. They are head of the family only in name.

Giving voice to seniors

Power and money often speak louder than age. Older people in positions of influence and authority, with vast financial resources at their disposal can still command respect everywhere they go. They can take care of themselves in their old age.

It’s the rest of the retired populace that we should make a stand for. They are the voiceless ones, the silent majority who feel disadvantaged and powerless to fight against ageism. They are the ones who have fallen through the cracks, who remain unaware of what aid is available, where to seek help and who to approach.

Most of them are in the rural areas, in the small towns. They are too busy eking out a living, taking care of themselves and their families to attend courses or workshops meant to assist them.

How do we bridge this gap?

We must continue to advocate for the provision of social protection, long-term care and access to public health for the elderly. The government together with the private sector must provide more opportunities for older people to support themselves

From public transport to public housing, from healthcare to financial support, older people, in particular those from lower income group struggle to cope with living in a society that considers their needs as an afterthought.

While we seek support from the government to pass legislation to remove age discrimination, end elder abuse, provide opportunities for senior citizens to contribute their experience, society can do its part by according respect for older people so they can age with dignity. Respect for the elderly is in short supply.

The government is aware of what needs to be done, but implementation is painfully slow. The private sector has yet to fully acknowledge the impact this shift in demographics will have on the work force and on the economy.

Everyone will age

The time will come when all of us will have to wake up to the reality that global ageing is here to stay.

Any policies that uphold the rights of older people will ultimately benefit the young of today as they too will grow old one day.

To take this one step further, when a country takes good care of its elderly population, everyone benefits.

“On this International Day of Older Persons, I call on governments to do more to address the needs of older persons. The key interventions are well-known: granting universal access to social services; increasing the number and worth of pension plans; and creating laws and policies that prevent age and gender discrimination in the workplace.”

The above was the 2010 IDOP message from then UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon. 14 years have passed. What have we achieved? How does our report card look?

Change is inevitable. Change takes time, but older people don’t have the luxury of time.

How long must they wait? The number of older persons is growing and this silver wave can’t be stopped. (I am loath to use the word “tsunami” as it gives a negative connotation to the rise in the elderly population.)

Not everyone has children, not everyone has brothers and sisters, but everyone has parents.

Perhaps if we can think of older people as our elderly parents, we would want to support them, care for them, respect them and do our best for them. Perhaps then we can speed up the changes that need to be carried out so that life is worth living for the elderly in their old age.

Post-budget footnote: 

However, things are looking up for senior citizens, in particular those in the lower income bracket.

Based on our Prime Minister’s Budget 2025 speech delivered in Parliament last Friday, the crumbs we have been getting for the past years have turned to slices. Hopefully these will grow bigger in the years to come.

From increased monthly welfare aid for senior citizens to more allocation for senior citizens’ activity centres, there is plenty to cheer about as IDOP draws to a close.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on 23 Oct 2024, and may be accessed HERE.)

 

LET'S EXTEND A HELPING HAND TO THE AGED IN NEED

SeniorsAloud is delighted to share our latest community project - our 2025 calendar to raise funds for two aged care homes - one in  Ampang, KL, the other in Penang. The central message remains the same as for our 2020 calendar: LIVE ACTIVE, LIVE HEALTHY, LIVE LONG.

The focus is on group activities for a healthy lifestyle and social connection. Each month features group activities that seniors can take up to improve their health and avoid social isolation which is common among older people.

For each month, there is a description of how these group activities can improve our health. It also introduces the various activity groups under SeniorsAloud e.g. Travel, Trips, Tours (3T), Arts, Books, Culture (ABC), Bits and Bytes (2B), Each group has several sub-groups e.g. karaoke, choir (under Jukebox) and hikes, walks and ping pong (under Outdoors). These activities are highlighted in the calendar.

The calendar also contains a useful list of Healthy Lifestyle Tips and the 7 Pillars of Ageing Well. You will find these tips most helpful in practising good habits for ageing well. You can refer to them the whole year through and practise them till they become part and parcel of your lifestyle. The calendar also contains the QR-codes for membership registration, SeniorsAloud FB and SeniorsAloud website.

From left: Lily, Mdm Ng Yoke Keow and Camie

SeniorsAloud members Camie Choo and founder Lily Fu visited the above home on Sunday 6 Oct 2024. They met with the home manager Mdm Goh. She showed them around the home and introduced them to some of the elderly residents there. 

In total there are 21 men and women, all senior citizens being cared for by Mdm Goh and one young helper. Most of them are mobile but not all are able to look after themselves. They were all happy to see us and have their pictures taken with us. Camie had brought some food and provisions for them. They were most appreciative of her kindness. 

Imagine cramming 21 beds into whatever space is available, including the living room and hallway. This home definitely could do with some help. It depends entirely on public donations. 

By purchasing our calendar, you can help us make a small contribution towards the upkeep of the home. RM15 is just the cost of a meal to us but when pooled together, it means a lot to these elderly. If not for Mdm Ng taking them in, they would have nowhere to go. 

If you would like to visit the home, the address is above, with the contact number. If you plan to donate some essential items, do call up first and ask what they need.

Rcently on 27 Oct during SA working trip to Penang for 50+ Expo, we visited the Peace and Harmony Home at Bukit Jambul. We were touched by what we saw when Mr Tan Swee Ban aka Ah Ban took us on a tour of the home. More photos and a video that you should watch on our SAloud FB. Below are a few to share. 

The calendars are available at IMM Carehub, 2F-08, Level 2, 163 Retail Park, Jalan Kiara, KL. 017-2100218. Other pickup places are in Bangsar, Ampang and Subang Jaya. Whatsapp 012-3068291 to arrange for pickups. No calls, please. Payment can be by cash or e-wallet (TnG). SeniorsAloud members may obtain copies at our activities and events. Kindly inform their group leaders or administrators in advance. For orders outside the Klang Valley, postal/courier services can be arranged for delivery.

For our past community projects, go to https://www.seniorsaloud.com/p/community-projects.html