STORIES WITH PLENTY OF HEART… AND HISTORY

STORIES WITH PLENTY OF HEART… AND HISTORY

A review by Liow Moi Lee

Where to start with a collection of stories that is part memoir, part social commentary and part reflection on our history? Perhaps we can start with our community of feisty and energetic senior citizens with a love for writing and a penchant for telling stories. Then, one woman’s vision to create a platform for these stories, capture their essence as a legacy and share them as our collective heritage. This is possibly the first book of its kind in Malaysia. 

'Our Stories, Our Legacy' brings together 38 stories of growing up in Malaya/Malaysia of the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s, three decades of big social and economic changes for our then young nation. With the passage of time, this ‘world’ is fading fast but for the recollections of our senior citizens, the Merdeka generation. Each story in this book, deeply personal and lovingly written with clarity, humour and plenty of heart, is a testament to the power of memories and lessons from rich life experiences. 

From 'Life During the Japanese Occupation'. (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

In Pre-Merdeka Years, six stories about the Japanese Occupation, World War II and British rule offer vivid recollections of the horror of war on ordinary families, the impact of foreign rule on life in the kampung, on food shortages, on hiding and escape, on conscription, and later, on organising to fight for independence. A rickety old bridge stirs up fond memories of a child’s daily anxiety and amusement. Till today the remnants of the British colonial period continue to colour the lives of many, in both physical and emotional ways as described in 'The Hill of Education has no Summit' and 'The Polished Rock'. 

School dance competition from 'Secondary School Years in a Mission School'

The 10 or so years we spend in schools are hugely influential in shaping our young minds and preparing us for our future as adults, whether in the 1960s or today. The eight stories under School Days are full of fun, adolescent energy and innocent charm. From glowing admiration of teachers, forming of lifelong friendship or witty remembrances, parents and teachers’ arsenal of discipline tools and keeping scores, simple games for amusement to the first brush with sexual curiosity and raging hormones, we know it all so well! 

From the story 'A Weekend Sleepover with Grandma in the 1960s'.

Family Ties are, as expected, where our writers have the most profound recollections. The 11 stories in this category offer glimpses of family life from 1950s to 1970s. The colonial-era shophouse is emblematic of the practicality of merging family life with family livelihood. Appreciative tributes to fathers and mothers who made do with so little, and yet provided a loving memorable environment for their children. The sweet role played by grandparents, the lure of the cinema with mom including shopping and sweets, simple observations of life as a child of a government district official or on a daily trip to buy groceries all recall a world of resilient, resourceful families in those early days of post-1957 nation-building. 

Nowhere is change more rapid and obvious than in the work place (Memories of Work). From the perspective of a young typist/office worker, the ever-increasing array of new and more complex typing and documenting equipment is evidence of the fast pace of change in society, even then. We needed to adapt, and adapt quickly. The nursing profession was, it seems in the 1960s-70s, a popular choice of vocation of female school leavers, especially if it involved a foreign country, usually the UK. But cultural discovery could also be experienced at home as a big-city girl got an eye-opening adventure from a teacher’s posting to a far-off conservative East Coast state.   

From 'Deepavali Nostalgia'

The nine stories in Fun and Festivities convey the spirit of family togetherness during festivals and holidays, our great obsession with food, and priceless recipes and skills passed on by our mothers . There are cheeky accounts of childhood adventures at the cinema and kids being kids playing with each other. Alas, that cinema in Malacca is now in a sorry state of disrepair while children in 2022 play with tech toys indoors, not hopscotching outside. A trip to a popular park provides gentle flashbacks to a less crowded and more innocent time, while 'Getting Old' reminds our Warga Mas that there is life in us still, so stay healthy and enjoy it!  

The images above did not make it into the book, but we remember them well growing up
in the 60s and 70s.

'Our Stories, Our Legacy' is thoroughly Malaysian in character and flavour. In every story, on every page, we discern common threads of a shared culture and values system through our upbringing and schooling, family life, sense of humour, love of food, friendships, and even entertainment, amongst many things. Despite our different ethnicities, religions and customs, we are Malaysian at our core. Whether set in Klang, Kuala Lumpur, Teluk Anson or Temerloh and Kota Bharu, the writers’ stories feel like a warm hug or a nice teh tarik on a rainy day.  

A collage of vintage photos that we couldn't include due to space constraints. They tell of the old days when the pace was slow and leisurely, and there was always time to relax and enjoy life .

For younger readers, perhaps from the later Baby Boomers onwards, this collection of stories is a legacy to you from the Merdeka generation. If you are in your 20s, 30s or even 40s, you may not recognise the world of the 1950s, ‘60s and ‘70s, but our senior citizens, growing up then, had fun, with similar hopes and aspirations for their future.  While we all now wrestle with the latest flip-phones, 5G, AI or hybrid work place in a post-Covid world, do take time out to give 'Our Stories, Our Legacy' a read. It may make you relax and smile, and you will certainly look at our senior citizens, including your (older) parents and grandparents, with new eyes.       

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What others say about the book

‘This book is a treasure that documents the different webs of life and trajectories of Malay, Chinese and Indian communities in Malaysia, culminating in harmonious cohesion, away for life that is truly Malaysian.’ 

‘This is a book I cannot stop reading.’

‘This is indeed a huge contribution, the first of its kind, by a group of seniors to leave behind priceless memories for themselves, their families, the community and future generations to come.’

"I started reading the book which Angeline kindly delivered today. I could not put it down!"

"My mother also read a story from it (about BB Park) and she loved it. So the book is for anyone upwards of our age group and would make great gifts."

"I recognised so many things mentioned, from collecting autographs to eating shaved ice balls to the description of playing five stones and hopscotch. The best thing is that I can share the book with my children and they will know what growing up was like for me."

"Can't wait to read mine. Also thought they would make great gifts. It's great that all these stories are written down before they're lost. We have a very different new generation today that doesn't even know what fountain pens, rotary phones etc are."

Copies of the book are available for sale at locations in Mont Kiara, Bangsar and Ampang. Please contact Lily for more info. Thank you. 

VISITING THE WORLD'S FIRST DEMENTIA VILLAGE

September is World Dementia Awareness Month. I am reminded of my visit to Hogeweyk in 2015. It was definitely an eye-opener. What prompted the visit was my interest in dementia, in particular, Alzheimer's Disease (AD). My mother was diagnosed with AD in 2011 after a fall. She had fractured her hip and was in hospital for surgery. During her stay there the doctors noticed certain signs of AD in her, and advised me to send her to Dr Philip Poi at UMMC for a diagnosis. That marked the start of my caregiving AD journey with my mom. She passed away in Feb 2021. 

In recent years there has been much attention given to raising awareness of AD, the early signs and how to care for persons with dementia (PWD). There are now a few purpose-built daycare centres for PWD. The majority are in aged care centres and nursing homes. A big Thank You to Alzheimer's Foundation of Malaysia (ADFM) for playing a huge role in educating us on AD, and pioneering the first dementia daycare and residential care homes in KL and Selangor. Also for creating a much-needed support network for AD carers. 

Let me share this article below written in August 2015 after my visit to Hogeweyk. I haven't been back for a second visit. 

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Thanks to an unexpected birthday gift of a return air ticket to Amsterdam, I had the opportunity to visit Hogewey Village. It has been on my wish list since I first read about the place two years ago, and watched CNN's Dr Sanjay Gupta's insightful documentary 'Dementia Village' (video below). Now I can happily strike Hogewey off my wish list.

The prime mover behind this innovative concept is co-founder and former nurse Yvonne van Amerongen. I had emailed her earlier requesting permission to visit the facility with Marianne Abbink Lankhorst, my Dutch friend. She wrote back to say we were both welcomed to visit anytime. Excellent!

So there we were at Hogewey on a warm Thursday afternoon of 29 July 2015. Visitors enter and exit via the sliding door which is controlled by the receptionist. The door remains closed to the residents. They are not allowed out of the facility on their own.

We were given a map showing the layout of the place, and several information sheets about Hogewey. We had the freedom to move around and explore but were reminded to respect the privacy of the residents. In other words, no peering into their living quarters or taking their photos without their permission. But we were welcome to use the information and images provided on the Vivium website. (Select the option of viewing it in English.)

Front view of Hogewey

The homes and the courtyards. So much greenery and flowering shrubs, and benches everywhere.

The Indonesian lifestyle corner. Indonesia was once a Dutch colony.

As we had no access to the homes, this composite image is taken from internet sources. It gives you an idea of the different lifestyle settings. Residents are housed in groups according to the lifestyle they are familiar with. 

Hogewey is the world's first village built specifically for people in the advanced stage of dementia. The concept for it is based on the belief that dementia patients can still enjoy a relatively normal life if they live together with like-minded people in an environment that is familiar to them.

Residents share a common dining room and living room (Images: Daily Mail)

There are currently 152 residents at Hogewey, with six to seven housed in each of the 23 homes. grouped into seven distinct lifestyle settings: urban, homely, cultural, traditional, Gooi (well-to-do), Indonesian and Christian. Residents have their own bedrooms but share a common living room, dining room and kitchen. Each home has one or two staff to look after the residents and do the cooking.

Another view of the homes. 

The staff at Hogewey outnumber the residents 4:1. You will see them as housekeepers, shop assistants and minders, but you won't find them in staff uniform. Volunteers are identified by a nondescript badge they wear. Hogewey takes great pains to avoid any resemblance to a hospital or a nursing home. Instead, it strives to make Hogewey as close as possible to a small gated neighbourhood complete with its own supermarket, cafe, restaurant, beauty salon and theatre. There is a large central square and smaller ones or courtyards with benches and chairs where residents can sit and soak in the sunshine, weather permitting.

(When we were there, there was intermittent rain. That explains why you don't see any residents outdoors in the photos.)

Join me as I take you on a tour of Hogewey.

The main boulevard, with shops flanking both sides.

The cafe is the first outlet you see on your left as you walk along the boulevard.

This is probably where the residents go to work their muscles and limbs.

There's even a repair shop in case anything needs fixing.

Inside the beauty salon. We didn't get to enter so this image is taken from the Daily Mail.

This is The Passage - a spacious hall where the residents gather to enjoy group activities. There is always music playing in the background as the elderly love music from the old days. Expect to see some of them dancing too. We did.

That's Marianne at the door of the Rembrandt Room. This is where the residents enjoy art and craft activities.

The supermarket at Hogewey is well-stocked. Every item carries a price tag. The cashier issues a receipt for purchases but no cash changes hands. All transactions are covered in the residents' payment scheme.

There are no locks anywhere. Doors and elevators open and close as you step on the weight-sensitive floor panel. Residents have the freedom to move around and participate in the daily programme of activities if they wish to. The objective is to make life in Hogewey as normal as possible, and as close to what they are accustomed to.

No need to press any button or turn any door knob. Doors open when you step on the floor panel in front of it.

According to Yvonne in the CNN interview, the concept works. Residents do not need as much medication, they seem happier and are living longer. The Hogewey model has been replicated in Canada, Switzerland and the UK, and that's evidence of its success, aside from the awards it has won since 2010. Apparently those on the waiting list have to wait at least a year before there is a vacancy. That only happens when a resident has passed on. Hogewey is where those with severe dementia come to live out their remaining years in peace and with dignity.



The residents I met while strolling around Hogewey gave me friendly smiles and nods. Except for one resident in a wheelchair cuddling a doll, visitors would not know that the elderly folk enjoying activities in The Passage have Alzheimer's. A group was happily playing a board game, another was setting up pins for bowling.

To the outsider, Hogewey is a microcosm of a make-believe world. But to the residents, it is a reality that is a continuation of life as they know it, in a setting that they are familiar with.

Programme of activities in Dutch, of course.

The burning question readers might want to ask is: How much are the fees? Around USD3600 per resident per month. It's heavily subsidized by the Dutch government, otherwise it would cost upwards from USD8000 a month. At such figures, only the super rich with dementia in Malaysia and Singapore can afford to live out their final days in this utopia.

 

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As far as I know, there are no dementia homes or daycare centres set up by the government here, only aged care centres and welfare homes for the elderly. Privately-run nursing homes accept PWD, but this is not ideal as the care of PWD differs greatly from that of other diseases or illnesses. Malaysian Healthy Ageing Society (MHAS) is one of several NGOs that conduct training courses for caregivers. In Singapore, such courses are open to domestic helpers. 

TO FULLY RETIRE OR CONTINUE WORKING? THAT'S THE QUESTION

We need to have at least RM240,000 in savings by the time we retire at 55, so we have been told. With prices escalating and inflation showing no sign of abating, for those living in the urban areas, this figure is grossly inadequate. Long term age care alone will swallow up a sizeable chunk of our savings. 

Here's a guide from the Employees Provident Fund to help us with some estimates:

(Above adapted from Panduan Belanjawanku.)

That's why more and more retirees are returning to work life almost immediately after retirement. With longer life expectancy and the ever rising cost of living, most retirees simply cannot afford to enjoy full retirement. Would a 60-year old retiree have accumulated enough in his EPF to support him for the next 15 to 20 years? The answer is an absolute NO.

What is the solution? Go back to work? Easier said than done. Retirees face age discrimination in the workplace. Unless they have skills that are highly sought after, and unless the government offers a helping hand to retrain and upskill older workers, many will have difficulty re-entering the job market.

But thanks to enterprising young individuals like Jasmin Amirul, looking for re-employment is now a lot easier. Today the hire.seniors website is the go-to place for seniors looking for employment. The company conducts workshops for those who register with them to upgrade their skills including teaching them to write a cv and helping them be work-ready. 

Jasmin Amirul, co-founder of hire.seniors

Not all retirees return to work to generate an income. Those who are financially comfortable wouldn't mind doing gig work or part-time work with flexible hours. They do so to keep active and remain socially connected. The extra money doesn't hurt. James Quah (pic below) is an excellent example. He has been featured in several festival videos and commercials playing the part of an elderly father, a resident at an assisted living facility and various other roles.

With the growing interest in the seniors market, there is a demand for seniors to promote products and services. TV agencies and production companies are always scouting for older models for their clients, e.g. fashion houses, healthcare companies, retirement homes, to showcase their products. The pay can be quite good.

If you don't fancy working for someone else, you can always start your own business and be your own boss. This involves taking on some risks, especially financial ones. If you are unable to secure a loan or find partners, would you have the business acumen and confidence to inject your retirement savings into the venture? How good is your appetite for risk-taking? Do the research and tick all the relevant boxes before you take the plunge. 

But having said that, data shows the highest rate of entrepreneurship worldwide is in the 55-64 age group and the over-50 age group is twice as likely to be successful. Although data is not available for Malaysia, a simple survey among my network of friends seem to support this trend. As early as 2014, The Star did a cover feature on the "Rise of the Older-preneurs". Here are some current examples.

(Source: https://mothership.sg/2020/11/1degreec-retrenchment-interview/ )

Richard Koh, 56 and his wife Ong Bee Yan, 66, took the bold step when they started their 1degreeC Cold Brew Coffee. Through sheer resilience and determination, the couple overcame the initial challenges. Today, their business has taken off. Not only that, Bee Yan is now a professional model who has graced the pages of fashion magazines including Harper's Bazaar. Based on her own experience of not finding clothes that was age-appropriate and yet stylish, she decided to team up with Yacht21 to start their own line of trendy clothes called Y21 X grey_evolution collection. You can read more about it HERE.

(Photo: Y21 X grey_evolution)

Retirees have a wealth of working experience and knowledge in specialised areas. One of the most popular encore careers (second career on retirement) is to set up a consultancy in your field of expertise. If you don't want the stress of setting up your own company, you could operate a simple home-based business making use of your skills and passion. Many of my women friends enjoy cooking and making handicrafts. Some have started providing homecooked meals on order, others deliver personal home services e.g. physiotherapy, manicure & pedicure, tuition. 

(Pic above: Jacey Choo has a passion for cooking and baking. She also runs a business in renting out traditional wedding costumes at Lady JC Enterprises, and is an instructor in floral arrangement at University of the Third Age, KL & Selangor. Truly an enterprising senior!)

With the country reaching aged nation status by 2040 when 15% of the population will be aged 60 and above, it makes good sense to cater to the needs and demands of this demographic segment of the population. Indeed retirees and older people are a fast growing market that is often ignored. Those who see the opportunities and are prepared to invest time and money in the emerging older consumers market will reap the benefits, like Ken G, a certified senior fitness specialist. He has established himself as a fitness trainer for senior citizens. He also does physiotherapy for older clients at their homes.

If you are seriously considering turning entrepreneur, but unsure of what to go into, the diagram below may help. I am sure you would have heard of the Japanese 'ikigai', or purpose in life. Finding your ikigai will help boost your chances of succeeding in the business you want to get into should you plan to return to work. Leverage on your vast working experience, skills and interests. 

Do read Senior Entrepreneurship - Is it for you? 

REVIVING THE KAMPUNG SPIRIT IN CITY LIVING

We need a new model for community living in urban townships, and definitely a new role for residents management committee (RMC). We need to revive the kampung spirit and bring it into our cities and towns. Today we have the sad situation of neighbours living within the same block, sharing the same premises for years, yet not know one another. They are total strangers - no names, no smiles or greetings when their paths cross in the common areas. The two years of living under Covid SOP restrictions has shown that we need to support one another to get through difficult times. That's why reviving the community spirit is so crucial especially for older people.

I have always felt the residents' management committee (RMC) can play a much bigger and more important role beyond mostly collecting maintenance fees and supervising the common areas. I shall use where I live as an example. There are 288 units in my taman or housing area. I was among the earliest resident-owners to move in when the project was completed in 1990. I was in the first RMC.

Here are some of my proposals:

1. The first step is to start a residents' services directory. The management office already has all the files. Just add on other info of residents e.g. field of expertise, work experience, what services they can provide e.g. child/elder care, food catering, home tuition. The RMC can promote this to the residents who can decide whether they want to be included in this directory or no. Actually why not? This directory will come in useful for residents/tenants who have services to offer, whether on a gratis basis or as a side income. Think of going to work minus the anxiety of wondering whether your elderly parent is safe alone at home versus the relief of knowing that a neighbour is helping to care for your parent or your child. Consider the convenience of home tuition or home repair services just doors away, or meals, personal grooming, tailoring as well as physiotherapy, etc delivered at your door-step by your friendly neighbour. Or for car-pooling and getting a lift from a neighbour. Or getting neighbours over for a mahjong game. Or watching a sports event together on TV or a movie on Netflix. The acts of neighbourliness are endless.

2. The multi-function rooms or hall could be used for cooking demonstrations, health talks or skill-based workshops. I recall years ago we celebrated festivals e.g. Hari Raya, Mooncake festival, Deepavali in the garden. Neighbours brought their home-cooked dishes for the pot-luck dinner. The children had a great time running around while their parents chatted and made friends. I miss those get-togethers. They tapered off when the RMC underwent changes over the years with each new committee. The reason given was always lack of funds. I am more inclined to think it was lack of initiative. 

Some of the many fruits grown by the residents including bananas, papayas, mangoes and chikus. Pity the durian tree didn't survive!

3. My taman doesn't have a community garden but those on the ground floor have a small patch of greenery that many have converted into a fruit/veg/herbal garden. I love the neighbourly spirit of some of the residents. One good example is Puan Hafsah who lovingly tends to her herbal and spice garden daily. There is also Mrs Lim who prefers to plant flowers and vegetables. She has several varieties of orchids in her corner lot garden. Both are happy to share their herbs and veggies with anyone who asks. In the common areas the resident gardeners have planted moringa, tapioca, aloe vera, lemon grass, chilli padi and more. Residents can help themselves to these.

4. When the kampung spirit is there, it's easy to organise early morning walks or exercises e.g. taiji, led by a volunteer resident. Every morning some of my neighbours go brisk walking or slow jogging around the gated premises. We greet one another with a smile and Selamat Pagi or Good Morning. As there are nine blocks of apartments, going three to four rounds within the compound is sufficient for a good morning exercise session.  

5. Condominiums in up-market areas come with swimming pools, multi-function rooms and gym. Except for the pool (and that is mainly because of the children), these facilities are usually under-utilised or not used at all. Paying high monthly maintenance fees of RM500 or more, and yet not using these facilities makes no sense at all. In my taman, we may not have a pool, but we have a small convenience store that serves the residents with basic essentials including gas for cooking. There is also a small shelter for short-term stay for cats as when their owners are away. The management office staff helps to look after the cats. There is an outdoor gym and a children's playground. I love to sit in my balcony in the evenings and watch the children come out to play football or rounders, while their mothers chat in the background. There used to be a library/reading room where the children could go to read or do their homework. I hope the recently elected committee will revive this. How much are the maintenance fees in my taman? An affordable RM121 monthly. Hard to beat especially as the location is just 10 mins' drive or a few bus-stops away from KLCC.

I wrote to The Star about this concept a few years back. My letter was published but apart from getting some positive response from readers, the concept to start a residents' service directory didn't take off. 

Such a concept can be easily implemented via social media platforms like FB groups or Telegram and Whatsapp. Getting all residents to come on board would help to foster a community spirit. Really, there's no excuse for not trying it out. All that is required is to lay down some rules to prevent user abuse of the platforms. 

One last word - with Malaysia's population moving towards aged nation status by 2040, and with the number of older adults living alone rising, reviving the kampung spirit makes a lot of sense. There will always be kind neighbours looking out for one another. And with ageing in place (at home) being the most popular choice of living options in old age, I hope more residents management committees will take up this model of community living in their housing area. 

WHEN THAT LOVING FEELING IS GONE.....

Divorce among older couples especially in Asia was virtually unheard of 50 years ago. Marriages were meant to last a lifetime. Even when death took away one partner, the other would remain faithful till death. My mother remained a widow for 60+ years when my father passed away at an early age. Couples in those days stayed together because they took their marriage vows seriously, more so if they married in a place of worship and exchanged vows before God.

In reality and in these days of freer social interaction between the sexes, remaining faithful to one person for the rest of one's life seems to be strictly for the firm believer in story book fairy tales of the genre 'and they lived happily ever after'. The reality is this is only the beginning of a marriage.

In South Korea, for example, longer life expectancy, gender equality and better financial support for divorcees have been cited as reasons behind the high rate of silver-haired divorces. The number of couples that decide to separate after living more than 30 years together increased 7.5 percent on-year and more than doubled compared with a decade earlier. (More Koreans end marriage at older age: data). 

It's the same in Malaysia and Singapore. With a global ageing population, it is not surprising that gray divorces are on the rise. I believe a lot also has to do with the emancipation of women. Baby boomers were the first generation to break through the gender discrimination barrier. With access to higher education and better job opportunities, older women are now able to support themselves. They are in a more secure financial position to break free from a marriage that no longer holds any meaning for them. 

No longer considered a social stigma, divorce now means liberation for many women, and an opportunity to start afresh on their own. (Image from The Daily Mail)

This is unlike our mothers' generation (those born in the 1920s-30s) who depended almost entirely on their husbands for support. So when the children have grown and flown the family home, it is time for these older women to pack up and leave too. Many divorcees are enjoying the single life again, or entering into new relationships. There is even less reason for them to remain in the role of the long-suffering wife, especially if their husband has been unfaithful or abusive to them. 

Sure, there are couples who are blessed to have found their 'soul mate' to share the rest of their lives with. They truly exemplify the meant-for-each-other marriage. But for many middle-aged and older couples, they are more likely to find themselves stuck in an unhappy marriage, wondering what happened to that sweetheart they once loved and married so many years ago. Both parties have changed and have become disillusioned with each other.

It's the same story in Singapore. What is interesting is that the number of older divorcees re-marrying has risen. Social stigmas associated with divorcees and second marriages have generally disappeared.

This is especially true for women in their 50s and 60s who feel trapped in their marriage. Emboldened by the rising number of silver-haired divorces they read about, they no longer think twice about initiating divorce proceedings. They no longer feel pressured to keep up a pretense of a happy marriage. They no longer fear facing the future alone.

70 years together "in sickness and in health". Unfortunately such loving elderly couples are a rarity these days. (Read the touching full story at The Huffington Post)

To be fair, there are husbands who want to leave their wives too. Some women are no angels, and do cheat on their husbands. Others are gold-diggers or title-seekers. Still others are so insecure, they become overly jealous and possessive of their husband, while many are born naggers, constantly harping on their husbands' perceived faults. Such women can make marriage a living hell for their husband. Of course, as shown in the recent Amber Heard vs Johnny Depp court trial, women can be the perpetrator and men the victim but such cases remain in the minority.

Divorces are usually messy, ugly and expensive. The only winners are the lawyers. Regardless, women will proceed to file for divorce rather than endure more years of suffering mental and emotional anguish in an unhappy marriage. Often their decision has the support of their adult children who do not want to see their mother in misery.

As long as neither party wants to give their marriage another chance, or if one partner is adamant about splitting, no amount of marriage counselling can help. When a marriage has irretrievably broken down due to irreconcilable differences, the best solution is a divorce. 

Here are some tips for a long-lasting marriage.

1. Appreciate your spouse and show it with little acts of love.
2. Communicate. Share your feelings, your views, your worries,
3. Continue to have sex and intimacy. Have weekly date nights.
5. Never criticize or humiliate your spouse in front of others.
6. Have realistic expectations of each other.
7. Embrace your differences.
8. Have your own pursuits as well as shared ones.
9. Learn from each other.
10. Support each other in maintaining an active healthy lifestyle.

(Reposted from an old blog article I wrote, and last updated on 4 July 2022.)