GRANDMA'S ALBUM OF MEMORIES

With multi-generational families no longer living under one roof, the role of grandparents has taken on renewed significance. What would busy working young parents do without grandmas (and grandpas) stepping in to help with the little ones? Well, there's always the daycare centres or a nanny/domestic helper to look after them. But nothing compares with having your own blood and kin aka your mother to care for the children. 

After reading 'Grannies are good for you' in The Star', I felt prompted to write this article. It mentioned a study done that confirms what I have personally experienced all these years - that grandparenting creates a 'cherished intergenerational bond' and a 'cognitive empathy'. When grandmas look at photos of their grandchild, they feel what the child is feeling - joy or distress. This is not the case when grandmas look at photos of an unknown child. What was new to me was the hypothesis that women live longer and go through menopause so that they would be around longer to care for their grandchildren, replacing their child-bearing years with child-caring years. Well, that does make sense.  

A grandma's bundles of joy over the years.

I consider myself a hands-on grandma. I helped take care of Max, Reiya and Ryder when they were born till they were toddlers, and have continued to spend time with them in their growing up years till today. It was different with Allie and Hana as they grew up in Singapore. But we bonded during my visits and family vacations together. Whenever I was in Singapore, I would walk them to their primary school, accompany them for their swim lessons and track practice at the stadium. On Sundays, I would attend church services with them and their parents.

With Allie and Hana in Singapore, Hongkong and KL.

I speak for my friends who are also grannies when I say looking at photos or videos of our grandchildren gives us immense joy. This has been the case during the past year and a half when the pandemic SOP meant we were unable to see our grandchildren except in photos or on the screen via Zoom. So do allow me to indulge a little with these photos below. 

Little milestones - from discovering their shadow to their first day at kindie. 

Like my friends who are grandmas, our grandchildren are a source of joy, fun and pride. Children grow up so fast. Before you know it, they are preteens, and then full-fledged teenagers. Indeed Max is a young man now at 21. They have their own friends and school activities, and we spend less time together now. Max and Allie have left for university, Hana will follow suit next year and Reiya has only a couple of years more to graduate from high school. Almost an empty nest for my daughters in KL and Singapore. That’s why the fleeting moments spent with my grandchildren are precious. 

My three grandsweeties - from little girls to teenagers, and very soon, to young ladies.

The boys - the youngest and the oldest among my grandchildren. Max is a six-footer, and Ryder will likely be one too. Max, 21, is finishing his final year in university. Ryder, 7, still has a long way to go. 

Bonding with my grandsons over a game of chess after Ryder had explained the rules to me.

While most grandparents are ready to help out if they are able, there are some who feel they have paid their dues and done their duty as parents. It’s time their adult children did theirs, they say. On the other hand, there are doting grandparents who do a great job minding their grandchildren. They are also fortunate to have children who are very appreciative of their help. When both sides adopt an open and trusting relationship with reasonable compromising, they create the ideal home environment for the little ones.

How fast the years have passed! For grandmas everywhere, photos of their grandchildren will always bring them smiles, pride and happy memories.  

Some seniors I know tell me they do not want to live too long. They would rather depart in their 70s if they no longer enjoy good health or financial support, or are miserable because of strained family reIationships. This is exactly why we have to prepare early for our retirement years to ensure we remain active, mobile and financially independent. Relationships with our adult children need to be cultivated and strengthened as they are the ones who will provide moral and financial support, and make major decisions for us.

We cuddled them when they were little, they will hug us when they are older, and even give us a lift-hug too!

I'll be 74 in 2022. God willing, I want to be around to see all my grandchildren do well and find their purpose in life. For this to happen, I will have to look after myself, be responsible for my health, and live within my means. With long life and good health, I will be around not so much to look after my great grandchildren in my old age, but to just be there to see them growing up. The cycle of life. 

MY WISH LIST ON THIS DAY OF OLDER PERSONS IN 2008

Did you know that the United Nations designated 1 October as the International Day of Older Persons? I bet the day came and went like any other day for most senior citizens – uneventful and forgettable. The local media did not deem the day important enough to devote some space to it in their columns. Only The Star carried a small mention with a link to a pathetic video hastily put together presumably to meet its corporate social responsibility agenda. Just goes to show how little attention is paid to this fast-growing segment of society.

To mark this auspicious day, it wouldn't hurt to have our prime minister send us greetings and wish us well in a televised message!

Today, world-wide, there are around 600 million persons aged 60 years and over; this total will double by 2025 and will reach virtually two billion by 2050 - the vast majority of them in the developing world.
Here's my wish list for older persons:

1. Elderly-friendly traffic lights where the green light for pedestrians stays on a little longer to enable older (and slower) persons to cross busy roads safely.

2. More benches at shopping malls where the elderly can rest their tired feet. KLCC is the least shopper-friendly in this aspect.

3. Bigger print on price tags and food labels - the better to see if the product is safe for consumption!

4. Priority counters / queues for senior citizens at banks, cashiers, taxi stands, ticket counters.

5. Wider aisles in supermarkets.

6. Non-slip floors, non-trip pathways and steps in public buildings.

7. Club house cum community centre with full facilities for senior citizens. By the way, there's one nearing completion in Ampang.

8. Restaurants that offer elderly-friendly menus. Think easily digestible, healthy food that have less salt, less sugar, and less fat.

9. Toilets and urinals with hand rails.

10. Mobile phones with large letters and numbers for easy dialling, and light enough for the pocket.

And the list goes on..........

(Footnote; This article was posted on 2 Oct 2008 when I was a beginner blogger. For the next few years since then I would post a lament on 1 Oct that the day was not celebrated in our country. I am glad that in recent years this has changed. Today as I pen this footnote on International Day of Older Persons 2021, there are many events and activities specially organised by both the govt, NGOs and the private sector to celebrate the occasion. The King and Queen have also wish all our warga emas good health as the country marks this auspicious day.)

THE GOLD STANDARD FOR AGED CARE HOMES?

Coming up the driveway to Little Sisters of the Poor / St Francis Xavier Home for the Elderly in Cheras, KL

It was back in the 1970s that I first heard of Little Sisters of the Poor (LSP). I had imagined it to be a place where the elderly poor would spend their final years looked after by caring nuns who had dedicated their lives to God and to charity work. Being much younger then, I had little interest and absolutely no reason at all to visit the place.

Near impossible to find an aged care facility in the city centre with so much greenery and open spaces.

Decades later and now the founder of a seniors community, I had good reasons to pay a visit. Over the years LSP has gained a solid reputation as the 'gold standard' for aged care facilities. It has become the yardstick to measure other similar facilities.

So when the opportunity came last August to visit LSP with a group of academicians from UPM, I grabbed it. The visit was certainly an eye-opener. To say I was impressed by what I saw is putting it mildly. I was awestruck!

Let me take you on a virtual tour of LSP.

The dining hall. Great idea to use protection for the legs of the chairs to prevent scratching the floor and also to reduce noise.

The reading room.

The hair salon. Notice the gleaming floors at LSP. Unbelievable!

The physiotherapy room.

The sewing room. Note also the natural lighting in all the rooms.

The shop where items made by the residents and volunteers are sold.

Lounges are everywhere for residents and visitors to rest their tired feet or simply to sit down for a chat and relax.

The tea room.

The kitchen - spick and span and spotlessly clean.

The laundry room. Adjacent to it is where clothes are sorted and folded.

There are hand rails all along the corridors, and in the lifts. Note too the wall phones on every level.

A peek into one of the rooms with attached bathroom and toilet.

Benches on every level. Facilities at LSP are without doubt elderly-centred.

At the cafeteria listening to Sister share about LSP.

The main hall where the residents were enjoying some performances when we dropped in.

Colourful drawings by the residents.

Fun activities to keep the residents happily occupied.

Daily programme of activities for the month.

Group photo in the garden at the end of our visit.

It would be a challenge for most existing aged care centres to come close to LSP in terms of size, facilities and dedicated staff. Work becomes a devotion when one is serving God. Throw in cleanliness, efficiency and integrity, and you can understand why there is a long waiting list for admission to LSP.

Little Sisters of the Poor celebrated its golden anniversary last December 2015. What a remarkable achievement! Pope Francis sent a special apostolic blessing to mark the auspicious occasion. I was gifted a copy of the commemorative book.

With the proposed Aged Healthcare Act to be introduced next year, the elderly in old folks home, aged care centres and nursing homes in Malaysia can look forward to better care and better facilities. Aged care centres that fail to meet the stipulated standards will face stiff penalties. They will also have to be licensed and registered.

It's been a long time coming. 

(An update: The above article was written in 2016 and reposted here. Since 2016, there has been a mushrooming of aged care centres all over the country, particularly in the Klang Valley. This is due in part to our growing ageing population as well as other socio-economic changes. The newer care homes are a huge improvement over the early ones which I visited between 2011-2016. Those were run mainly by people who had a heart to do good but had little experience or resources on how to manage an aged care facility. Today many of these centres are well-managed, have trained staff and volunteers and age-friendly facilities. They are a far cry from the old folks homes of past years. There is still room for further improvement. A challenge indeed as these homes depend largely on charity, public support and dedicated volunteers, and as everyone knows, these are always in short supply.) 

Footnote: Aged care centres are different from nursing homes. The former are open to mobile, independent senior citizens who require no or minimal assistance in activities of daily living (ADL). 

POP MUSIC RULED MY GROWING UP YEARS

The early 1960s were my coming of age years. I was in high school then till 1964 when I completed my Form 5. I was a typical teenager, enamoured of all things British or American, especially the pop music scene of those days. I learned to dance the twist, the locomotion and the limbo. My grades took a dip when I discovered Billboard Top Hits, UK's Top of the Pops and our own Top 10. I followed all the song request programmes on radio, and was familiar with the names of the popular DJs of the time, names like Vicky Skelchy, Alan Zachariah and Constance Haslam. They played chart-topping songs broadcasted over RTM and Rediffusion. I had my own collection of LPs and EPs, those black vinyl records that I would play over and over again on the turn-table. We had no TV or CD players then.

If I had some money saved, I would buy Tigerbeat. It was the #1 teen magazine then. I would cut out pictures of my favourite teen idols like Ricky Nelson, Cliff Richard and Dusty Springfield, and paste them into my voluminous song-book containing hundreds of lyrics all hand-written. We had no computers then.

Just the other day I was browsing Youtube when I came across these vintage songs from the 1960s. In those days, songs were sung with emotion and lyrics held meaning. A far cry from the majority of today's top hits. 

My taste in music is eclectic. I enjoy folk, country, blues, rock, and even gospel but pop was where I started. Here's a very small selection of songs from some of my teenage idols for your listening pleasure. I hope they trigger some happy memories of the good old days when the world was our oyster to explore and discover. 

 

 

 

Then came 1969, and Woodstock. My taste in music changed, but that's another story for another day.....

(Updated from an earlier article posted in 2012.)

HOW TO STRETCH OUR RETIREMENT SAVINGS

It's been 16+ long months since the MCO lockdown on 18 March 2020. The 'New Normal' is no longer the buzz word. It's the 'New Poor' these days. More folks from the M40 (middle income group) are joining the ranks of the B40 (lower income group). With massive lay-offs, retrenchments and businesses shutting down, many Malaysians are facing an uncertain future, except maybe for civil servants who continue to enjoy job security. 

The pandemic has affected everyone, directly or indirectly. Its ripple effects reach near and far. For many retirees who are dependent on their adult children to support them, their children's financial situation affects them too. The reverse is also true. Parents may have to step in and dip into their savings to help their children if the latter have lost their jobs or are going through difficult times. When money is scarce and savings are depleting fast, it's time to tighten our belts several notches. 

Here are my 10 suggestions, in no particular order:

1. Give luxuries and branded items a miss at least for now
What can we give up without feeling too much pain? Definitely luxuries and branded items. These are wants, not needs, not neccessities. Do we really need that RM1000 bag? Won't a RM150 bag do just fine? This isn't the time to get that RM5,000 diamond-studded watch. Our current watch still does a decent job of telling time. Wait till our bank balance improves. 

2. Are all those expensive health supplements really necessary?
Let's take a good look at our health supplements. Do we really need that many? Seniors spend hundreds of ringgit a month on multi-vitamins, probiotics and tonics. We should consider alternatives for maintaining good health, like exercise, proper eating habits, adequate sleep and a positive mental attitude, all of which are free. Keep supplements to a minimum, and only those that work for us.

3. Downsize, downsize, downsize
Not an easy decision to make, but it may be necessary. With the children all grown and living on their own, our home has become an empty nest. It's time to seriously consider selling the family-size house and moving to a smaller one. Less time and energy spent on maintaining the place. Consider renting a smaller place if we want to keep the house. Look for a tenant to rent it. As for the family car, the sooner we sell off the fuel-guzzling monster for a compact, fuel-saving and reliable Perodua, for example, the better off we will be in terms of savings.

4. No shame in hand-me downs
This applies more to electronic devices like computers, smart phones, and TVs. Our adult children upgrade their mobile phones whenever there is a new model on the market. Let them know we'll be happy to be the new owner of their discards. We know of retirees whose homes are equipped with second-hand items like TVs, karaoke systems, refrigerators and washing machines all handed down from their children, and all still in good working condition.

5. Consider cheaper options
Eat at home, or at food courts when out in the city. With the Covid-19 SOP still in place, we can order meals online. They don't come cheap, so consider it a weekly treat. Take public transport and leave the car for places not served by trains or buses, or for when we need to get somewhere in a hurry. You will be surprised how much we can save on fuel. Planning a vacation when travel restrictions are lifted? Book with budget airlines, and stay at no-frills budget hotels or go for home-stay. The difference between a 3-star hotel and a 4-star one is just one star, but it could mean saving a few thousand ringgit for an extended stay. Frankly, as long as the room is clean, there is hot water and the toilet flushes, we should be satisfied. After all, we are only in the room to bathe and sleep. Most of the time we'll be out sight-seeing. 

6. Ask for senior discounts

Nothing to be ashamed of in asking about senior discounts. Many restaurants and retail outlets do offer special rates for seniors aged 60 and above. Apply for a warga emas RapidKL card to get 50% off on train and bus services. Better still, make use of the free Go-KL buses and city shuttle bus services. If you shop regularly at certain establishments, get a member's privilege card to enjoy discounts or special rates.

7. Less is more

So true when it comes to food, clothes, credit cards, indeed, almost everything. Over-eating can lead to obesity and ill health, over-buying can lead to clutter and hoarding, and over-possession of credit cards can lead to debt and financial ruin. Two credit cards should suffice to cover our purchases. The same goes for holiday trips. Set a ceiling that is within our means. A local weekend staycation with the family is just as enjoyable. It's the company that counts. By the way, ladies, less is also more when it comes to wearing make-up, perfume or jewellery. One plus point about this stay-home-stay-safe period is that we can look our simple natural self. No need to shop for new clothes, do our hair or go for a manicure as there are hardly any social functions to attend with social distancing still being enforced! To look good and feel good, all we need is a smile and a positive attitude. And they cost nothing!

8. Look out for sales and bargains
Patience is a money-saver when it comes to shopping. Spend some time comparing prices online. Unless it's an item we need urgently, wait for festive or annual sales. These are getting more frequent as many stores are having a tough time disposing of their stock. They are offering massive discounts on books, clothes, electronics, furniture - practically anything and everything including online courses. Shop at discount stores like Mr DIY or convenience stores like 99-Speedmart where prices are kept low and affordable. 

9. Don't try and keep up with the Datuks and Tan Sris
If we don't have a healthy bank balance, we should refrain from living an ostentatious lifestyle just to keep up appearances, like letting our friends and neighbours think everything is hunky dory when in reality, we are falling behind in servicing our loans, and in paying off our debts. We don't have to celebrate our birthday in grand style if we can't afford it. If our adult children want to throw a big party for us, insist that they save their money till times are better. And we don't need to have a lavish wedding for our daughter or son if it puts us in the red.

10. Let our savings grow in EPF

The safest way to grow our savings, in my opinion, is to leave it in EPF to accummulate compound interest. Many newly retired seniors withdraw their entire savings to start their own business, invest or splurge on whatever they fancy only to see all that money go 'POOF' - all gone. According to EPF, 70% of members who withdraw their funds at age 55 use up their savings less than a decade after retiring. Often this is due to poor money management and a lack of investment literacy. Also, avoid 'Buy now, Pay later' schemes. That is one sure way of getting into debt if we can't resist the temptation to buy, buy and buy. 

Some advice

Beware of Scams and Get-Rich Schemes

There are numerous cases of seniors falling prey to scams and various get-rich schemes. They end up losing a huge chunk of their retirement savings. Yet there are people who don't seem to learn. We want to stretch our savings, not shrink them. If we want to invest, get advice from trusted financial planners or established investment companies. And do some research /due diligence ourselves. If we are thinking of shares and other investments e.g. cryptocurrency, as a quick way to make money. Please think twice, indeed, think many times. If we don't have a clue about the stock market, bonds, forex, etc STAY AWAY. Don't confuse herd mentality with herd immunity. Just because there is a rush to buy gold as a solid investment, it doesn't mean we should withdraw from our retirement savings to do so. 

Keep track of our daily expenses. 

Make sure it's within our budget. We won't go wrong if we adopt a practical and sensible approach towards managing our finances. Spend only when necessary, and do the math before we part with our money. Go for value. Ask ourselves if we can afford it, if we really need it, and if there's a cheaper option that's almost as good as the one we have in mind.

Better to be called a cheapskate than to be declared a bankrupt. Better to sleep soundly with peace of mind, than to be hounded by creditors and re-possessors, or worse by Ah Longs. Remember, any debts we incur will fall on our children eventually. Surely we don't want to leave them with this burden of an inheritance. The best and safest way to ensure our savings will see us through our retirement years is to LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE.

Warren Buffet, one of the wealthiest men in the world, has the last word on why we must learn to spend wisely: