Glad I caught Doug Church's concert a week ago on 17 Aug at Serangoon Gardens Country Club, Singapore. Another excellent sold-out show brought in by Jimmy Preslee Productions. Backed by the band King Creole from Indonesia, Doug sang 30+ Elvis classics in the 2-hour concert with a short break in between for a costume change. He had the ladies in the audience swooning over him especially when he went around 'scarfing' the lucky ones. I happened to be one of them!
The flyer promoted Doug Church as 'The True Voice of Elvis'. If I closed my eyes and just listened to Doug, yes, it certainly felt as if the King himself was right there singing to all of us. This is probably the closest any of us there could get to an Elvis experience.
Uncanny resemblance to Elvis, down to that famous smile!
The King certainly lives on in the voices of the many Elvis Tribute Artistes (ETA) around the world. I have seen and listened to many, including Malaysia's own Elvis, the late Ricky Teoh. But the ETA crown and title go to Doug Church, hands down.
I managed to record a handful of videos before my phone battery died on me.
Jimmy gets to sing 'The Wonder of You' with Doug. Well done, Jimmy!
From left: Judy (Jimmy's wife), me, Ellen and Jimmy
Nice of Doug to oblige with group photos after the concert.
Elvis' presence lives on in Serangoon Gardens Country Club. Jimmy Preslee Productions will make sure of that. Keep us posted, Jimmy!
(This is a transcript of my speech delivered on 4 August at our alumni lunch sponsored by NTU. The convocation ceremony took place on 1 August 2018.)
Good afternoon, my dear AG cohorts and our dear lecturers,
Thank you for making time to be with us to celebrate our graduation.
This is not exactly a valedictorian speech, and I’m not exactly your typical valedictorian. But thank you for the honor. Age does have its privileges aside from getting seats on the MRT.
Looking back on the year that was, I am glad I waited seven years before finally deciding to do this program at Nanyang Technological University. I was encouraged to do a Masters in Gerontology at Universiti Putra Malaysia in 2010. But it wasn't the right time for me then.
My concentration core was Leadership and Management in Elderly Care
In 2011 I heard about the Master of Science in Applied Gerontology program being offered at SIM (Singapore Institute of Management), now renamed SUSS (Singapore University of Social Sciences). I wrote to Prof Kalyani Mehta for more details. She was helpful with her advice.
To cut a long story short, much as I wanted to sign up then, the logistics and fees posed a huge obstacle. Every scholarship I looked up had an upper age limit. Mine was way above that ceiling. Then in Dec 2016, my daughter told me of a preview for a new program at NTU – Master of Science in Applied Gerontology.
(Video credit: Lee Foong Ming)
I went, I heard, and I signed up. This time there were no obstacles. My daughter and son-in-law took care of everything including the hefty $34,000 fees. I hope this will be the trend in future where retired parents can pursue their educational dreams fully funded by their adult children.
Going back to school at 69, 70, was a challenge in many ways. I had to get used to new modes of learning. I was also constantly reminded during lectures about the limitations of the ageing body and the ageing brain. But thank you for making the journey so much smoother and fun too.
After the convocation ceremony, with my son-in-law Dr Ansgar Cheng, my elder daughter Moon, and my two older granddaughters Allie and Hana.
Coming from Malaysia, I am always seeking diversity, especially in education. It would be hard to find much diversity in Malaysia’s public universities. But here in NTU, I can’t ask for a more diverse cohort than the pioneer batch of AG, in age, ethnicity, personality, background, and even values and opinions! They make for a rich and rewarding learning experience.
I have worked with 23 of you in various group assignments, and others in class group discussions. We have been through ups and downs together, happy times and not so happy ones. They have all served to strengthen our bond of friendship. Thanks to FM, we also have tons of photos and videos to remind us of the year we spent together.
If we had awards to give out, I know who some of the winners would be. Let's see if you agree with my choice: Ibnu for favorite group presenter, Smitha most active participation in class, Parthiban best wefie photographer, Lai Ying best actress, CK best actor, Jamilah best script writer and director, Cheng best story-teller, and for Outstanding Performance in multiple roles, the winner, hands down, two thumbs up goes to Foong Ming!
On a more serious note, there is much for me to take back to Malaysia. Thanks to what I have learned about leadership from Dr Steward Arnold, and from all the lecturers in Continuum of Care, I intend to use my qualifications and my voice to advocate for the rights of older people, and to push for improvements in the healthcare system.
The biggest challenge I will probably face is age discrimination. But I will not let that faze me.
Relieved that my speech drew laughter and applause. Dr Arnold had expected it to be 'funny and entertaining'. I hope it lived up to his expectations.
What advice can I give you to take away? Only what I have learned from my own life experience. It has worked for me, and I hope it will work for you too.
First, never let age stop you from pursuing your dreams. Even when you have retired, you can still live your dreams. Take Tun Dr Mahathir. At 93 he has returned as PM, with renewed resolve to get the country back on track and achieve his Vision 2020!
Second, you need passion to achieve your dreams. Passion is like a magnet. If it is strong enough, it will attract the right people who will provide you with the resources you need to turn your dreams into reality, whether it is to start your own aged care facility or design a device to help the elderly.
Finally, it’s about giving back to society. If we have been blessed with a loving family, a beautiful home and enough in the bank to live comfortably, there are others out there who are not as blessed. There are already many earth angels among us here working in hospitals, nursing homes and social services. Keep it up. One day we too will need looking after, and we will appreciate every bit of help we can get.
To our lecturers, thank you for mentoring us, for listening to our views and giving us advice where it matters to improve our assignments. I have thoroughly enjoyed the flipped classroom activities, the action learning journals, and the class presentations, although at the time we all moaned about them.
I recall my very first class was ‘Ageing, Death and Dying’. My mom would have said ‘Choy! Tai ket lei si!’(euphemistically translated from Cantonese to mean how inauspicious!). But I learned so much from the course.
By the way, Andy, I was supposed to start my speech with five seconds of mindfulness. But my Tibetan bells are still in KL. Besides, we don’t want to be too mindful today. Just eat, drink and make merry. Never mind the calories. Now is not the time for caloric restriction!
Let me leave you with sincere wishes for your good health. May your telomeres remain long, may your electrolytes be PH-balanced and may your brain cells never atrophy. For sure we will meet again and again over the years. It will be a joy to see how gracefully we age, as we apply what we have learned in our Gerontology courses.
My course-mates including the part-timers with some of our many lecturers. Photo taken at our convocation lunch in the library, Lee Kong Chian School of Medicine in Novena, Singapore.
Footnote:
What I learned from the program is much too long to list here, but suffice to say the following are of special interest to me:
Mental health in the elderly, specifically Alzheimer's Disease
Gerontechnology - assistive devices to help the elderly
Continuum of care - from hospitals & nursing homes to independent living & home care
Active lifestyle for seniors
The Arts as therapy - music, song, dance, art
Policy and Advocacy for the rights of older people
Really glad I decided to drop by at Singapore Conference Hall yesterday. It was my first time there and my first time listening to the Teng Ensemble. Worthwhile skipping lunch for this musical treat. And what a feast it turned out to be. The free concert was also to acknowledge Singapore Press Holdings' (SPH) donation of $350,000 to 20 social service organisations through its SPH Foundation. This presentation is done annually to support charities that serve families in need, as well as senior citizens and special needs children.
Reaching out through the Arts is an effective way to raise funds and offer financial assistance and psycho-social support to NGOs doing charity work. Music, in particular, cuts across boundaries and unites people in the enjoyment it brings.
The concert was open to the public. As it was a weekday, most of the attendees were senior citizens and specially invited charities among them Lions Befrienders, Minds and Rainbow Centre.
Waiting for the doors to open. I was there an hour early. The queue was already building up.
More waiting inside the purpose-built hall. The acoustics are amazing. Elder-friendly facilities too.
If you enjoy popular songs, you will be well-entertained by the Teng Ensemble. They have added a touch of western flavor to well-loved Chinese and Malay songs which I thought was music fusion at its creative best. The two emcees were excellent, and added a touch of humor that resonated with the audience of mostly senior citizens.
Here are a few video clips for your listening pleasure.
Thank you, Teng Ensemble, for a most entertaining performance. You guys were superb! So were Lily Goh and Miss Lou.
Gotta give it to these Singapore seniors. They certainly know how to live the good life in their golden years. This was evident when they turned up in full force to have a good time at the Fab Four Beatles Tribute held at Serangoon Gardens Country Club last night. Another sold-out event by Jimmy Preslee Productions.
After the 6-course dinner, the Fab Four are ready to take the packed room on a musical journey back to the 1960s and 70s.
This wasn't the first time the Fab Four had performed in Singapore and Malaysia but it was my first time listening to them live and seeing them up close. They are probably the closest we can get to a Beatles concert experience. What a blast from the past it turned out to be. Two thumbs up to the band. They soon had the audience warmed up for a massive singalong and dancethon. Everyone enjoyed themselves so much they wouldn't let the band go. In the end we were treated to an extra 30 minutes of great music. Thanks, Fab Four!
The band played chart-toppers from the Beatles' first album, With the Beatles (1963) to the final one, Abbey Road (1969). Who could ever forget the lyrics of Imagine, Hey Jude or Obladi Oblada? No memory loss here, and definitely no signs of Alzheimer's from the enthusiastic crowd!
After the break the Fab Four returned in colourful outfits straight from the cover of Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. They played When I'm 64 from the album and everyone sang along with each word resonating with them. The band continued with more hits from other Beatles albums - Back in the USSR, Please Please Me, Eight Days a Week, and more.
In the special tribute to The Bee Gees, the band removed their Sergeant Peppers costumes to sing a string of hits including Staying Alive, Words, Massachusetts. Needless to say, every song received strong vocal support from the audience!
The Fab Four's last song Twist and Shout drew more happy feet onto the dance floor. What a night! What a band! And what memories their songs evoked! A round of applause to Jimmy Preslee Productions for bringing in the Fab Four and giving us an opportunity to relive those good old days of rock and roll. We are all still very much young at heart.
Me with Jimmy and his lovely wife Judy.
Jimmy Preslee Productions has another not-to-be missed concert coming up in August. Tickets are already on sale and going fast. Glad I have got mine. Am looking forward eagerly to another evening of unforgettable golden oldies this time from the era of King Elvis performed by award-winning ETA Doug Church. See you there!
PS: For a look at the fun we had at last year's 'All Shook Up - Elvis 40th Anniversary', just click on the link below, and be there for this year's tribute on 16/17 August, same venue.
With a permanent resolution at the policy stage far from sight, several parties have taken to forming support groups and outreach programmes to educate seniors in living a more fulfilling and healthier life.
“When you retire, it is not the end of life. Life goes on. You must stay active for your own sanity and health,” says SeniorsAloud.com founder Lily Fu, who is sodden in sweat after her weekly line dancing session. The 67-year-old joining the troupe in 2008.
The blog describes the group as a “community of seniors for seniors”. Fu, who was just entering her sixties then, started the blog in 2008 to empower her community in their retirement. Her motivation was to ensure that seniors do not languish in their retirement.
“It is very important to be actively engaged in life, even in your retirement years,” says the grandmother of five. “I always encourage senior citizens to make new friends and keep in touch with their old ones. Together, they can do something meaningful and contribute to society.
“One thing a lot of retirees have is time. They should not just stay at home and look after their grandchildren round the clock. They must have something to look forward to. If they love cooking and gardening, the internet is a great tool. There are a lot of recipes and gardening tips online.”
She sees it as a form of safety net for the aged community to generate provisional income. It can be something as simple as selling homemade delicacies to using their expertise and experience.
Through the SeniorsAloud community, she alerts the members, who are mostly baby boomers, of threats or scams and warns them against falling prey to unscrupulous schemes. “This is especially prevalent among newly retired seniors, who have a lump sum stashed away. Since they want to bankroll their cash so it can be sustainable, it makes them easy targets of scammers.”
In Fu’s experience, seniors who have the most difficulty adjusting to a slower pace of life are normally those who used to be in the C-Suite. “They are so used to having their personal assistants do everything for them that they might not know how to book an air ticket or fill the car with petrol. It is a lot of re-learning for former top executives.”
Through her blog, Fu approaches the topic of living thriftily based on her own experiences. She advocates learning about inflation, currency depreciation and the concept of starting a second career.
“People are living longer, so the money they put away for their golden years is just not enough to cover their needs. Nowadays, the third age is loosely defined because a lot of us cannot afford to retire. Many people go into semi-retirement as their savings in the Employees Provident Fund are far from enough to cover the living expenses of retirement years,” she says.
Coming from a well-educated and independent background, Fu observes that retirees are not keen on spending their golden years relying on their children. There has been a notable change in their outlook, she says, as many are considering retirement living instead.
“People at my age, we are educated, we are professionals. We are not like our mothers’ generation. They have more conservative and traditional views, while we expect a certain lifestyle,” she says with a glint in her eye as she talks about her ideal retirement lifestyle.
While some of the elderly live on their own by choice and others by circumstances, most do not want to live on their own and yet do not want to live with their children.
“I have an inner circle of female friends. When we cross our eighties, we plan to rent a three-bedroom apartment and share a common living room and kitchen. We plan to share the expense of having a live-in nurse or domestic helpers too,” says Fu.
From her interaction with like-minded seniors, she says there is enthusiastic interest in good retirement homes. Housing developers in Malaysia are starting to notice that there is potential in the aged-care sector with a few retirement villages launched in the past few years.
“The potential buyers of retirement homes want to live in a more self-contained area. Mont’Kiara, for example, is the perfect place for retirement living. But not everyone can afford to live there,” Fu notes.
In an ideal setting, a retirement village should be complete with easy-access services for the elderly with lower mobility such as shuttle service, clinics, security, banks and convenience stores.
Fu stresses that retirement living is not just for those in the higher income bracket, so developers should also look at retirement homes for the middle and low-income groups. “I think there is a huge market for these groups. For the low-income group, there can be a low-cost retirement condominium, and one of the floors could serve as community centre, where all the elderly could gather for activities and classes. A day care centre for the elderly could also be set up,” she says.
“It is very risky to leave senior citizens alone at home. They risk falling down or having a heart attack, and loneliness could lead to depression,” Fu says, recalling the time her mother sustained a fall when she was home alone.
Fu believes that government intervention is necessary as Malaysia rapidly becomes an ageing society. Without the necessary laws and policies, the elderly continue to live perilously.
Her frustration stems from the lack of basic requirements like non-standardised pavements, the poor upkeep of walkways and deplorable state of community centres in cities like Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. “One of the ways people could help senior citizens stay active is through community centres. Many activities and classes for the elderly could have been done in these centres. But our community centres are not well maintained; it is such a waste,” Fu exclaims.
(The above is an extract from the original article that first appeared in Personal Wealth, The Edge Malaysia Weekly, on Dec 21 - 27, 2015 under the title 'Living the good life in your golden years (Part 2)' by Pathma Subramaniam and Maxine Yong. Images and links have been added for this extract.)
How many of us are guilty of elder abuse? If the truth be told, all of us would admit to some degree of guilt. We shudder with horror and disbelief when we read in the papers about caregivers in nursing homes physically abusing the elderly residents in their care.
We cannot fathom how anyone could cause pain and injury to frail and defenseless old people. We would never do anything like that to hurt the very people we are supposed to look after and care for.
But elder abuse is not just physical. It encompasses financial and psychological abuse as well. Guess who are guilty of such abuse? Who are the usual suspects? The answer - adult children.
When adult children exploit their elderly parents for their own financial gains, that's abuse too. Examples include compelling their parents to prematurely sign over ownership of the family property to them, or transferring shares to their names.
For whatever reasons, these children can't wait to inherit from their parents. That would take too long. I know of cases where elderly parents have been evicted from their own home by their children. Money over-rules blood ties.
Perhaps the most common abuse is emotional and psychological. Most of the time we are not even aware that we have hurt the feelings of our elderly parents. In moments of stress, anger or frustration , we lose our patience with them. We chide them, belittle them, even threaten them with the possibility of packing them off to an old folks home.
If we do not want our children to treat us this way, then we should not treat our aged parents this way. Let us set a good example by according our parents and all elderly the respect they deserve. We exist because of them. We are who we are today because of them. We owe them a lifetime of gratitude and love.
Last Sunday, we celebrated Father's Day. It is a timely reminder that while we celebrate with joy Father's Day and Mother's Day, we should also remember to honor our parents in their old age, and treat them with respect and dignity.
Filial Piety is becoming rare these days. Countries such as Singapore and India have implemented the Maintenance of Parents Act whereby parents can report their adult children to a tribunal for failure to provide financial support and care. When adult children face problems in their business or marriage, it is easy to take out their frustrations on their elderly parents who are vulnerable and unable to stand up for themselves. Life becomes unbearable for their elderly parents. It is no wonder many say they prefer to die than suffer at the hands of their own children.
One day, it will be our turn to experience old age. Will we fall victim to elder abuse? Not if we raise awareness of this despicable social disease, not if we raise our children to respect our elders. We can be good examples by showing our children how we care for our parents.
Footnote: This is an updated version of an earlier article posted in June 2014.
I grew up barely knowing my father. I only saw him during weekends. But every year when Qing Ming comes around, I am reminded of him. I was nine when he passed away. For many years after his demise, I dutifully joined the family to pay our respects at his graveside during Qing Ming. But when I left to further my studies, and especially after I moved to KL in 1971, those annual visits became fewer and fewer, and eventually they ceased altogether. (Photo source: Straits Times)
My father's grave is still there in the Chinese cemetary outside the small town of Bakri on the outskirts of Muar. It is marked by a tombstone with his portrait and name in Chinese characters on it. My brother Henry and his wife have faithfully continued with the visits during Qing Ming, and I plan to join them on their next visit. My other siblings have converted to Christianity and they prefer to remember Father in their own way.
This year Qing Ming falls on 5 April. Thousands of Chinese Malaysians and Singaporeans who practise ancestral worship will observe this day by making the annual visit to the burial grounds of their dearly-departed kin. It is a mark of filial piety to pay their respects to their ancestors with prayers and offerings of food. Family members also take the opportunity to spruce up the burial area. This explains why Qing Ming is also referred to as "Tombsweeping Day".
Perhaps most fascinating of the Qing Ming rituals is the burning of papier mache offerings. Over the years, these paper mache offerings have changed in keeping with the trends. I recall decades ago witnessing the burning of this huge paper replica of a mansion. The patriach of a family supermarket in my neighbourhood had passed away at a ripe old age. His children wanted to make sure their father would live in luxury in his after life.
A papier mache mansion all ready to be burnt as an offering to the deceased.
At the time as I was watching the 'mansion' make its way up in smoke to the other world, I thought about my father. He was in his late 30s when he passed away in 1957. I remember my grandma made sure we burnt offerings of paper money - lots of it, in silver and gold, also replicas of his favorite clothes, food and his reading glasses. She wanted to make sure my dad would be comfortable and would always have money to spend in the other world. He was her only son.
Today, being well-provided for takes on a new definition. It is no longer about sending necessities to the beloved deceased. The trend now is to go for paper replicas of luxury items like an iPad, LV bags, jade and gold jewelry, a BMW, and even a yacht! Apparently the rituals at some burial sites have taken on a modern flavour, with dancing girls as shown in the image below forwarded by a friend.
I was in Chinatown, Petaling Street a few weeks ago hoping to find that little shop which used to make paper offerings for Qing Ming. It was no longer there. In fact, it had closed down many years ago. Not surprising. Making paper offerings for the departed is a dying craft, literally.
With the younger generation losing interest in the old ways, Chinese traditions and customs will soon disappear into the history books. There might come a day when Qing Ming will no longer be observed if Chinese parents of today do not pass it down to their children.
In land scarce Singapore, for example, land has become such a premium that the government has taken back cemetary land for redevelopment. Graves have been exhumed and the affected families notified well in advance. Today only the Choa Chu Kang cemetary is left. Columbariums will soon meet a similar fate as more families opt for the ashes of their dearly beloved to be scattered at sea or in flower beds as in green burials. Graveyards as we know them will be a thing of the past.
Whether that is a sad thing or not is debatable, I suppose. The dead must give way to the living, and the living find new ways to remember the dead, as in converting ashes to wearables e.g. rings, pendants or decorative items. Life must go on. But the memory of loved ones who have left us will remain in our hearts.
