TAKE A STAND AGAINST AGEISM

Negative stereotyping of older adults often leads to discrimination against them. 

If you are 60 and above, you are likely to have encountered instances of ageism at one time or another. Not only are older people discriminated against by banks and other financial institutions, but also at the work-place and in the job market. Indeed, older people face age discrimination on a daily basis. Bus drivers yell at them, shop assistants ignore them, medical professionals don't take their pains and aches seriously, EPF stops giving you interest on your retirement funds when you reach 75, ...the list goes on. Even at home, elderly parents find that no one listens to them. Their advice is often not sought for family decisions. They are head of the family only in name.

All this is based on negative perceptions and stereotyping of older people as frail, senile and unproductive, and a drain on the nation's welfare resources.

The New 80s - still active and certainly still able to contribute to society. What more those in their 60s and 70s?! Don't write off older adults as useless and past their productive shelf life.

And this is despite the fact that people are now living longer and healthier, thanks to advances made in medicine, science and technology. 60 is the new 40, and 80 is the new 60. They may have reached retirement age, but are still capable of contributing to society if given the opportunity to work or serve.

POWER and MONEY speak louder than age. Older people in positions of influence and authority, and have vast financial resources at their disposal can still command respect everywhere they go. These are the blessed ones. They can take care of themselves in their old age. It's the rest of the ageing populace that we should make a stand for. They are the voiceless ones, the silent majority who feel disadvantaged and powerless to fight against ageism.

But change is inevitable. The number of older persons is growing and this silver wave can't be stopped. (I am loath to use the word 'tsunami' as it gives a negative connotation to the rise in the elderly population.)

By 2035, the number of people aged 60 and above will have accounted for 15% of the total population in Malaysia. The country is heading towards ageing country status. The government is aware of what needs to be done to meet the demands and challenges of an ageing population, but implementation is painfully slow. The private sector has yet to fully acknowledge the impact this shift in demographics will have on the work force and on the economy.

The time will come when all of us will have to wake up to the reality that global ageing is here to stay. It is in the interest of everyone, especially the younger generation, to ensure that discriminatory practices against older people be removed. Any policies that uphold the rights of older people will ultimately benefit the young of today as they too will grow old one day. To take this one step further, when a country takes good care of its elderly population, everyone benefits.

The government wants to encourage active, independent and healthy ageing. So do all older people. For this to be successful, any form of discrimination against older people must be removed, and every bit of help be given to enable them to continue working and supporting themselves for as long as possible.

So kudos to the United Nations for taking a stand against ageism and making it the theme for International Day of Older Persons 2016.

For more voices against ageism, go to HelpAge International

THE NEW 'OLD' AND THE NEW 'ELDERLY'

I find it quite grating that our local journalists and reporters often use the terms 'old' and 'elderly' to refer to people who are still vey much alive and kicking, and far from approaching the end-of-life phase. I suppose to these young media folks, anyone aged above 40 is definitely old and elderly.

The above newspaper clippings remind me of one of the earliest letters I sent to The Star in October 2012 on the topic of new labels for 'old' people. The Star had changed the original title to "The World At Our Feet". Frankly, I don't think it's appropriate. The online version has a different title "When Does Old Age Begin?" You can read the original version below.

When I started my community blog in May 2008, I had come up with several tentative names for the blog. Unfortunately all of them were rejected when I signed up for an account with Blogger. Every single one of the names I keyed in had already been taken. I must have tried at least 20 names. In frustration I gave it one final go with 'Seniorsaloud'. The name had popped into my mind at that last minute. To my surprise, it was available!

Both my daughters didn't like the name at all. They felt that with a name like Seniorsaloud, the blog would attract only old people. Of course, I went on the defensive. What did they mean by 'old'? I was about to turn 60 at the time, and didn't feel at all a day over 40. Neither was I frail, and definitely nowhere close to being senile and decrepit.

The new 'old' - Prof Emeritus, Dr Khairuddin Yusof, 76, 
enjoys extreme sports. He spoke at our Seniorsaloud 
event on "Retire Healthy" in July 2012.

Let me ask my readers, does the word 'senior' have a negative connotation? What sort of image comes to mind at the mention of 'senior citizen'? I have good friends who would cringe with horror at being referred to as one, even though they are 60+ and retired. To them, that's as good as sounding the death knell.

The problem with labels is they are generic. 'Old' people are painted with the same brush, and in the same grey colour. But there are so many different shades of grey. Author E.L.James will give you 50! If the 50+ and 60+ are not quite ready to be called old, how would you address them? The 'young old'? That doesn't work either. And are the 70+ the 'old old'? What other terms of reference do we have? The pre-war and post war generations? Equally cumbersome and inadequate.

Dr Yusof's book on active ageing

Quite often the media is guilty of mislabelling. "Elderly man falls victim to snatch thief", says one headline. You read the news report and find that the victim is only 60! I turned 68 in June this year. I can deal with being called a senior citizen as that is what I am. But 'elderly'? Not by a mile. The problem is, young reporters are incapable of making that age distinction. To people in their 20s, 64 is practically ancient, if not pre-historic!

So until we come up with age appropriate labels, I suppose baby boomers like us will have to forgive the young for addressing us as 'old' and 'elderly'. 

If numbers don't matter, and chronological age is not an accurate indicator of physiological age, what are we left with? How would you like to be referred to? 'Older people' seems to be the least disparaging and most neutral. With people now living much longer, there is a need to come up with new labels for the old (pun intended) that do not smack of ageism, and that is acceptable to all.

Photo taken in 2014 when my mom was 88, and I was 66. A generation apart but young reporters would lump us together as 'the elderly'.

If the 60s is the new 40s, you can understand why labels like 'old', 'elderly', 'frail' no longer describe the active, independent and fun-loving baby boomers of today. By the time we reach our 70s, 80s and 90s, we will be re-defining the face of ageing.

There is a world of difference between growing old and growing older. And it's a lot to do with how we look at ageing - positively or negatively, with anticipation or dread. To take it one step further, by changing how we view ourselves, we can change how society look at us.

Adnan Osman, 70, cycled all the way to London for the 2012 Olympics. Inspiring role models like him show us that growing older doesn't have to mean the end of fun and adventure. The world is still there for us to explore. There are new things to learn, and new friends to make. Indeed, growing older can be an exciting new chapter of life.

Postscript: I have always wanted to have a column in the newspaper to write about topics and issues of interest and relevance to senior citizens. If that ever happened, it would be a dream come true for me. Maybe I would call it 'Silver Threads'. It would also be a channel to share information and personal insights on matters that involve this demographic. Our numbers are growing. Other than writing letters to the newspapers, we don't have an avenue to voice our concerns about a host of issues that affect us, including healthcare, cost of living, public transport, affordable housing, re-employment, age-friendly public facilities, retirement planning and end-of-life issues.

It's about time to speak out and be heard. And that's why I have a new tag line for SeniorsAloud's FB profile picture: 'A Voice for Seniors'.

ARE GRANDPARENTS BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED AS CHILD-MINDERS?

It's been a long while since I wrote about grandparenting ("Grandparenting - Pleasure or Pressure?"). Given the changing role of women in the last two to three decades, it is inevitable that the role of grandparents will also undergo change. The switch from full time mothers to full time career women has left grandparents increasingly taking on the role of child-minder and ersatz parents.

On a family vacation in Phuket with Max, 6, and Reiya, 6 months. Photo taken in 2006.

Where the extended family used to live under one roof, today's nuclear family structure means there is no one to care for the children when both parents are out at work. So who do young married couples turn to to look after their little ones? Their parents, of course, especially if they are still active, in good health and, most important, retired.

I recall when my first grandchild was born on 28 August 2000, my younger daughter was at the time helping her husband build his company. After three months maternity leave, she had to return to work. She had no choice but to approach me for help with the baby. Fortunately for her, it was the start of the Nov-Dec school holidays. I had two months to enjoy re-living my parenting days, this time as a brand new grandma.

My four grandchildren taken in 2006. 

But it was a different story when the new school term began in January 2001. I had to start teaching again. My daughter and I didn't trust a maid or anyone else to look after four-month old Max. In the end, to my daughter's relief, I decided to take care of Max full time. The school principal was understanding enough when I requested to teach part-time. I asked for three hours of classes from 7.30am to 10.30am, Mondays to Fridays. My request was approved, and thus began my first year of grandparenting which would continue till today, albeit in a different capacity.

For Reiya, Max is the best big brother a sister could ask for, very caring and loving. Of course, like most siblings they do bicker every now and then. Picture taken in October 2012.

My weekday routine for that whole year began with the alarm clock going off at 6.20am. I had to be in school by 7.25am in time for the first class. As soon as the bell rang for the first recess, I would hurry over to my daughter's place so she could leave for work. On most days she would return home with her husband after 8pm. There were times when there was so much work in the office she would be back well after 10pm. By the time I was back in my own home and in my own bed, it would be close to midnight.

Max today, a towering 6-footer and still growing. He is among the
top triathletes in his age group, regularly competing in regional triathlons.

I was often tired and stressed out from teaching in the morning and looking after Max the rest of the day. Changing Max's diapers, feeding him, bathing him and taking him out for walks in the stroller became the order of the day. In between I had to find time to mark assignments and prepare lesson plans. Whenever she could, my younger sister would drop by in the afternoon to help out. I remember looking forward to her visits. They were the highlight of each day.

A 2011 picture of my other two grandchildren, sisters Hana and Allie. 
They are now 12 and 13.

In 2003 and 2004 my elder daughter gave me two grand-daughters, Allie and Hana. As they were both born outside Malaysia, I wasn't able to help take care of them. My daughter had to quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom for Allie's first few years. When she had her second child, the family had settled in Singapore. She was fortunate to hire a very capable maid who doubled up as a nanny for both the girls. In 2006, my family welcomed baby Reiya, sister to Max. Reiya made me a happy grandma for the fourth time.

Allie and I enjoy playing the ukulele

Looking back on those years of babysitting, I can honestly say I wouldn't trade a single day of it for anything. Of course, now that my grandchildren are of school-going age, my time with them is spent mostly on fun stuff. It's a different kind of bonding altogether. I make it a point to attend their school functions, to support them in competitions and to help with their homework. I make sure I am available to babysit should the need arise.

Feeding Ryder. Photo taken in 2015.

Children grow up so fast. Max celebrated his 16th birthday two days ago on 28 August. At 6 feet, he towers over everyone in the family. Allie is 13 and Hana will no longer enjoy children's privileges when she turns 12 next month in October. Now 10+, Reiya has another year and a half to enjoy her pre-teen status. Then there is Ryder, who is two and a half years old. He still has a long way to go to catch up with his older siblings. But he is a sprinter as far as IQ goes. Very smart for his age.

There will come a time when all my grandchildren will prefer to hang out with their friends than with their grandma. Indeed, it is already the case now. I will miss hearing the pitter-patter of little feet, of hearing my grandchildren squeal with delight and run to hug me when they see me at the front door. I will miss their excited cries of "Grandma is here!" It's the sweetest music to my ears.

So back to the question - "Are grandparents being taken for granted as child-minders?" Put another way, are grandparents being exploited to care for the grandchildren? I can't answer for other grandparents. For me, my answer is obvious. It makes me feel good to know I had an important part to play in my grandchildren's growing up years. My two daughters have shown their appreciation many times over, in a thousand and one ways.

Allie, Ryder, Reiya, me and Hana. Max was away at boarding school. Photo taken late 2015.

Would I do it all over again if either of my daughters decided to have another child? In a heart beat. I would be in my 70s. I might not be able to run after my sixth grandchild like I used to with Max. But I would have enough love to give in equal amounts to each and every one of my grandchildren. They are truly my joy and my blessings.

(This article is an update of an earlier one posted in 2012.)

MIRACLE CURES AND REMEDIES - MYTH OR FACT?

I am often asked why there are few articles on health and medicine on SeniorsAloud blog and SeniorsAloud FB. Surely, at our age health issues are uppermost in our minds. In our daily sourcing for news and info to share with our readers, we often come across articles on miracle cures and quick-fix health tips. We read all the articles, but hesitate to re-post or share them. The same with similar info that comes to us via Whatsapp chat groups.

Cures like this are shared on WhatsApp 
& FB. Where's the source of reference?

Why? It is so easy to share info via social media. So why do we think twice before we click on 'Publish', 'Post' or 'Send'?

The reason is simple. We are mindful of our responsibility to share only health and medical info that is backed by credible sources, and/or supported by reliable research data. We triple-check so-called miracle cures, test out certain health claims and refer to medical professionals before we share the info. If in doubt, we don't. A simple rule but one that we adhere to strictly. We do not want anyone to take our advice, and later inform us that it doesn't work. Or worse, that they suffered terrible side effects!

A case in point. Many of you would have seen the video that has gone viral recently of this lady demonstrating tongue exercises. Apparently doing this daily will prevent Alzheimer's Disease. Is this based on scientific fact? Where is the research data? How come there is no mention of it from world-renown cancer research universities like Johns Hopkins or from Azheimer's Disease Organizations? For sure, you won't see this video posted on our SeniorsAloud blog or FB.

This cancer update keeps re-surfacing and circulating on the internet. It's a hoax!

When in doubt, always check the source to see if a claim is a fact or a hoax. With Google search, we can verify almost anything. Having said that, the internet is also often the source of much misinformation and untruths. We just have to broaden our search coverage, do some investigative work and apply a bit of common sense to conclude whether this piece of info is genuine, or not.

Now that we have made our stand clear, allow us to offer some advice to well-meaning folks out there who routinely share info on health and nutrition, and remedies for all kinds of ailments and diseases. For all your good intentions, you may be doing more harm than good. Take the example of bananas. It is recommended for a multitude of medical conditions. But for people with diabetes, it is advisable as a precautionary measure to know how much to take, as bananas have high sugar content.

The claims may have some basis, but be suspicious of any single food or wonder medicine that is a cure-all.

Here are some questions to reflect on before we circulate info on the health benefits and curative effects of certain foods:

1. Do we have any medical qualifications that allow us to share medical advice with others? 
2. Do we have any background training or experience in healthcare?
3. Have we checked out if a miracle cure is genuine or a hoax? 
4. Have we personally tried out a natural cure, or know someone who has?
5. Some of us may have underlying health issues that could cause complications if we take unverified miracle cures or wonder drugs. What works for one person may not work for another. We are all different. Are we ready to offer advice based on hearsay and claims? 

By circulating medical or dietary advice that is forwarded to us by friends or that is sourced from dubious websites, we are no better than armchair travellers who have never ventured beyond the comfort of their homes, but who would readily dish out travel tips to back-packers travelling to India for the first time, or to retirees on their maiden holiday cruise to the Caribbean.

This blogger did the right thing by inserting a disclaimer, so readers are forewarned.

Are you prepared to be held responsible if someone suffers adverse effects from following the advice that you share? At least put in a disclaimer that anyone who follows the advice does so at his own risk. 

GRIEVING FOR THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE

Coping with the grief of losing a loved one is not easy. At our age, many of us would have experienced the pain of bereavement, whether it is the loss of a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling or a friend. With the passage of time, most of us find the strength to get on with life. But there are some who are so consumed with grief they are unable to function on a day-to-day basis. If unresolved, their grief may result in poor health, depression and even suicidal tendencies.

I first heard about Dr Edmund Ng back in 2009 from a newspaper announcement of a talk on grief counselling that he was giving at Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club. Having lost my beloved sister three years earlier, and still hadn't quite fully got over my loss, I decided to attend Dr Ng's talk.

I was glad I did. I could relate to everything Dr Ng said - the guilt, the blame, the bitterness and regret that a grieving person experiences when he loses a loved one.

Dr Ng delivering a talk on "Helping Your Children Grieve Properly".

Dr Edmund Ng is the founder of GGP Outreach. Its tagline is "Grace to Grieving Persons". Having gone through personal loss himself, Dr Ng spoke with conviction and credibility. His audience comprised mostly grieving spouses.

Since 2009, Dr Ng has been reaching out to bereaved families with his talks as well as providing financial assistance to help those in need, especially widows.

Here is a summary of Dr Ng's Do's and Don'ts for the grieving person based on the talk that I attended.

1. Allow yourself time and space to rest after the funeral activities are over.
2. Accept help from your friends and relatives.
3. Acknowledge that it takes time to heal the pain.
4. Find an outlet to channel your thoughts away from reliving the loss.
5. Take charge of your emotions.
6. Be patient with your children. They are trying their best to cope too.
7. Look after your health.
8. Know that you are not alone. Seek a support group or a counsellor.
9. Re-connect with other people.
10. Remain active.
11. Maintain a well-balanced diet.
12. Don't fall prey to temptations like drinking and taking drugs.
13. Don't make hasty decisions.
14. Find strength and comfort in God.
15. Keep a journal and record your thoughts and feelings.

If you have recently experienced a loss in the family and would like some counselling to help you get through your loss, Dr Ng will be giving a talk "Beyond Grief: A Guide for Recovering from the Loss of a Loved One" at Menara Star this Saturday 6 August, 2016 from 10.30am to 12.00pm. Free admission. 

MY LITTLE GARDEN OF TREASURES

My new-found hobby, gardening, was on my bucket list when I retired. The timing was perfect because my gardener decided to throw in the towel as his health was deteriorating, so I stepped into his shoes. I soon found that gardening is highly recommended for seniors, especially retirees.

At the back of my house, on a small piece of land, is my garden of treasures.

At the far end of the garden sits a bush of pandan leaves or screw pine. The leaves are well used when I cook nasi lemak. At other times, I use them for my weekly barley drinks or home-made soya bean.

Recently, I learnt that if I tie a bundle of pandan leaves and put it in my kitchen cabinet, it keeps cockroaches at bay. I put some leaves in the car and the car always smells nice. I save on buying air fresheners. Oh, the wonders of the pandan plant.

Next to the pandan bush is my lemongrass plant. I use lemongrass for cooking but now I make a drink out of it after reading on the Internet that lemongrass has anti-cancer properties. So once a week, the family is treated to a few rounds of lemongrass drinks. I cut five stalks of lemongrass, wash them, and cut into smaller pieces or bruise the stalks and put them in a teapot. I pour boiling water and let it steep for a while. You can add honey to vary the taste. The drink is cheap and health-giving.

Serai pandan and banana

Sometimes I use two stalks of lemongrass, bruise them and add a small knob of ginger, five pandan leaves and a small piece of rock sugar. Boil this and voila, you get a very refreshing drink.

Being a chilli padi queen, I have two pots of chilli padi plants. I do not have to run to the market for my daily needs as I have an ample supply in my garden. Sometimes the harvest is bountiful and I distribute the organic chilli padi to friends.

Nearby stand my two banana plants. Recently, I harvested the pisang mas and they were the sweetest ever. The banana leaves come in handy for grilling fish or making nyonya kuih.

So far my papaya tree has not borne any fruit, but my Indonesian maid eats the leaves for detoxification. The other day, some friends came over to pluck some leaves because papaya leaf juice has been shown to increase blood platelet count and assist in the recovery of dengue patients.

Pineapple lime (limau purut) and banana

In another pot is my daun kesom (polygonum). This is so useful in making assam fish. I used to run to the market to buy this herb but now I have it at my doorstep. I grow my own spring onions, too. Just put a few small onions in the pot and you can get a constant supply. How convenient!

In the far corner of my garden of treasures is the lengkuas or galangal plant. This is also a very useful plant as it is used in cooking certain dishes. My curry leaf tree is a hot favourite with neighbours. Whenever they need curry leaves, they know where to get them.

The limau purut plant (kaffir lime) sits in a pot and this is an essential for cooking certain dishes like tom yam soup. The fragrant leaves also enhance the taste of other dishes.

But my favourite is the aloe vera plant. The leaves are thick and huge. It can be made into a healthful drink but I have not tried it myself. Instead, I use the gel from the leaves as a facial mask. Cheap and effective. The gel is also very effective for treating cuts and burns. When I accidentally cut myself, I apply the gel on the wound and it heals well.

Mint and mempedu

The latest addition to the garden is the mint. I bought one ringgit’s worth of mint from the market and planted it in a pot. Now I have a fresh supply of mint. It needs a lot of water, but it is easy to grow.

I tend to my garden daily. The plants need to be watered, the weeds pulled out, and the snails removed. I do not use any pesticides so the herbs are organic.

Gardening is therapeutic; it is a pleasure to watch the plants grow. Nothing is more satisfying than being able to run to the garden for your supply of herbs instead of lamenting that you forgot to buy a particular item at the market.

I have made new friends along the way. My neighbours drop by to get their supply of herbs; in turn, they pass me their home-grown tapioca, four-angled beans, passion fruit, and a pineapple or two.

Not only do we exchange produce and gardening tips, we also swap notes on the health-giving properties of plants.

Gardening is cheap, non-strenuous, enjoyable and above all, eco-friendly.

Which reminds me, I must go to the nursery and get a misai kucing plant. This medicinal plant is said to be good for sore throat and diabetes. Yet another plant to add to my collection.

(The above article by Linda Lim was published in Star2 on July 15, 2016 as 'You can grow a herb garden in your backyard'. It is re-printed here with her permission. 

Footnote: You will also enjoy reading Linda Lim's earlier article in SeniorsAloud blog:

I LOVE MY AGE

WHY ARE OLD PEOPLE SO GROUCHY AND GRUMPY?

Ask young people what they think of old people. You can bet they will come up with a long list of adjectives, all negative.

"Cranky, senile, grouchy, grumpy, frail, smelly, nagging, long-winded, useless, stubborn, unproductive, dictatorial, burdensome, ..." You get the picture.

But how did old people get to be this way? Why do they always complain? Why do they insist they are always right, that everyone should listen to them? How did they become such poor company to be with?

We will all grow old one day. So let's try and understand why old people are the way they are. They may have valid reasons for their grouses. Maybe we can learn from them, and when the time comes, we can age gracefully, and with dignity, loved and respected by all.

Let's put ourselves in the shoes of an 80-year old man. He has limited funds and no source of steady income, so he complains about soaring prices. He recalls the old days when a cup of kopitiam coffee cost only 40 cents. Now it's RM1.60 at the mamak stall.

There was a time when he could travel and enjoy an active social life. These days he is mostly at home, unable to venture out alone because he no longer drives and there's no one free to take him out. His perennially busy adult children have little time for him.

Once upon a time he lived to eat. Now he eats to live. His diet is restricted to low-fat, no sugar and cholesterol-free foods. No more of his favorite hawker food, no more culinary indulgences, all because he has a host of health problems to deal with.

His old hobbies no longer interest him. He can't read because of poor vision. He has little interest in watching tv as the programs don't appeal to him. He can't explore the rich diversity of information on the internet as he is computer-illiterate, and refuses to learn.

As a young man, he was blessed with good health and vitality. Now the passage of time has reduced him to a frail shadow of his former self, with all the accompanying aches and pain of old age.

Few friends drop by to see him, as they are in the same boat as he is. So he sits in his arm-chair or lies in bed the whole day long with only his memories of the good old days to keep him company.

It is no wonder old people are bitter and grouchy. They have all the time in the world to gripe about everything under the sun, from GST and high prices to corrupt politicians and uncaring children.

What a horrible way to grow old! We can't stop growing old, but we can certainly choose how we want to grow old. It all boils down to attitude.

We can choose to grow old complaining about things from A to Z. Or we can choose to focus our attention on the things that make us happy, like our grandchildren, like being able to look back at happy times with nostalgia, and not compare them with the present.

There is little point in harping on things that can't be changed. We should learn to accept whatever unfortunate circumstances we are dealt with and make the best of the situation. Let's embrace our twilight years with joie de vivre and fill each day with love and gratitude, not bitterness or regret.

Now you know why SeniorsAloud loves to feature inspiring seniors on our Facebook. They are our role models to show us that we can live to 80, 90, even 100 and still enjoy life to the fullest. It's never too late to start laying the foundation of good health and developing a positive attitude to life.

(The above is an updated version of "Why Do Old People Love To Complain?" first posted on SeniorsAloud blog on 1 July 2012.)