WHEN SPRING-CLEANING MEANS DE-CLUTTERING YOUR HOME

Books to be donated. Still more to give away.

When it comes to clearing out stuff collected over the years, it can be a challenging task for older adults.

The other day I found myself sitting on the floor surrounded by mountains of books and files accumulated over almost 40 years of teaching English. Many of these books are no longer in print, and many were bought on trips overseas. Teachers from the pre-1980s era will tell you that the majority of today's locally published English textbooks for students and resource books for teachers are an embarrassment to the once noble profession.

A cupboard full of files...

But I digress. So there I was, forced by lack of space to make a quick decision - what to do with three cupboards of reference books. I had tendered my resignation as tutor at Wawasan Open University in December 2011. It was unlikely that I would return to teaching again. My passion now lay elsewhere - working for and with the community of senior citizens. 

I contacted a former colleague at my old school and told her I would be donating my prized books to the English language department. Strangely enough, it wasn't too painful a decision, and I felt such a sense of relief knowing the books would be in good hands and put to good use.

Next up will be my clothes. I still have clothes from the 1960s, like my Form 5 graduation dress, that I still keep for nostalgic reasons. And the sexy high-slit, figure-hugging cheongsam that I last wore during my college days. I have been preserving it in the hope that I'll slim down enough to wear it again. Who am I kidding?

The sudden urge to clean up my apartment is not just spring-cleaning for the Chinese New Year, but more a result of watching the series 'Hoarding' currently being aired on Astro Channel 731. Imagine the horror of living in a house where every inch of space from floor to ceiling is filled with junk and garbage. I also read recently in the Daily Mail about an 85-year old retired engineer who fell and was trapped under mountains of bags and boxes for 30 hours! (Please read the article and view the pictures. Unbelievable!)

Not so lucky was a 76-year old Singaporean who was found dead last August amidst ceiling-high garbage that he had collected from dustbins over the past decade. He started his hoarding habit after his wife and daughter moved out 10 years ago. (You can read the Straits Times full report here.)

No time to read today's papers, so we keep them aside hoping to find some
time the next day to do so. Before we know it, we have stacks of them from
floor to ceiling. That's how hoarding can start. 

Hoarders are often older adults who live on their own. With no one to stop them from accumulating stuff, and with the whole house to themselves, they start filling up every room with anything they can lay their hands on in the belief that it will come in handy some day. That day usually never comes, and so the boxes and bags of useless items keep growing. Eventually the whole place becomes a fire threat and a death trap! The hoarder gets so overwhelmed when he looks around him that he doesn't even know where to begin clearing even if he wants to. So he gives up and continues to let the junk pile up. Do watch the video below to get a look into not only the home of a hoarder, but also into the mind of a hoarder.

I am no psychiatrist, but I can understand why old people hoard. Some old folks like my mother find it hard to throw away things because they have been through the war years when food and basic necessities were in short supply. They have experienced the lean years. So now they collect anything and everything, from empty containers to used newspapers.

There are others who can't resist a good bargain, so they keep on buying and collecting stuff they may never use. When this habit extends to food and perishables, you can imagine the stink it creates, not to mention the maggots it attracts. Urghhhh!

So, spring cleaning for me this new year is to clear out all the stuff that I haven't used in years. It will take time, and it will be heart-breaking. Older adults like me have a lifetime of mementos and memories that we hold precious and keep for sentimental reasons - school report cards, baby photos, love letters, classics, diaries, 33 rpm records...the list goes on. But there are some items I will never throw out, like my high school essay book containing the compositions I wrote back in 1964 when I was sweet sixteen!

I hope I will never pick up hoarding habits or fall victim to Diogenes syndrome, also known as senile squalor syndrome. Please click on the link to learn more about this mental illness. And watch out for signs of this in any elderly person that you know, so that he/she can seek professional help immediately.

Here are 10 tips I can think of on how to avoid cluttering your home. I'll be the first person to follow my own advice!

• Throw out or donate anything that you haven't used or worn for the past two years.
• Avoid buying anything you don't have any immediate use for. 
• Don't fall into the trap of thinking 'Hmm...this might come in handy one day'.
• Free up space by discarding old and seldom used items to make way for new items that you have bought.
• Practice sorting things and keeping them in separate compartments.
• Regularly go through your fridge and pantry, and check food items for their expiry date. You will be amazed at how much expired food you have to throw out.
• Get rid of the 'bargain mentality'. Don't buy stuff you don't need just because it's on offer at a fantastic discount.
• Keep purchases to a minimum, especially if you are living alone. What would you do with six toothbrushes or five tea-pots?
• Avoid collecting items for a future project. You won't find time to work on it or complete it. Examples include building a model airplane, sewing a quilt and putting together a scrap book.
• If something is broken, throw it out. Don't hang on to it in the hope that you will be able to repair it. That may never happen.

A living room to relax in. Click here for more on how to declutter your home.

Not only does clutter deprive you of a beautiful home, more importantly, it affects your health. You are at risk of developing respiratory problems. Finally, hoarders are lonely people because they can't have visitors, including their own family members. If you suspect your spouse or your elderly parent is a hoarder, show him these pictures of hoarding, and pray that he gets the message.

BEING FILIAL EXTENDS BEYOND CHINESE NEW YEAR

Petronas has always come up with feel-good TV commercials to mark our various festivals and celebrations, like Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Deepavali and National Day. Malaysians would look forward with anticipation to check out the latest festive ads.

This year's Chinese New Year commercial from Petronas has just been released. It has already received the thumbs-up from viewers. For those who have yet to see it on your tv screens, here it is:

The early Petronas commercials were directed by the late Yasmin Ahmad (1958-2009), Malaysia's legendary story-teller and human being extraordinaire. Her stories never failed to tug at our heart-strings. They were poignantly beautiful, but never overly-dramatic or weepy. Her favorite theme was filial piety.

These festive screen greetings invariably come with a message touching on filial piety: love our parents, respect our elders, and celebrate each festival with them. Aimed primarily at Generation Xers, these commercials also serve as reminders to baby boomers like us to spend more time with our aged parents while they are still around.

If you are celebrating the Chinese New Year, here are some of the best Petronas CNY commercials from past years to get you in the right spirit to usher in the Year of the Snake.

For more Petronas TVCs, visit the offical Petronas Youtube channel.

IS OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM IN FREE FALL?

Are parents partly responsible for why their children can't get a job after they graduate from university? Is that why our local grads are picky about their first jobs, and expect a good salary when they have no working experience or employable skills?

Remember those days back in the 1950s and 60s when we had really excellent teachers who possessed only LCE (Lower Certificate of Education) qualifications? The LCE was the equivalent of the SRP/PMR that Form 3 students have to sit for today. Academic standards were very high then. Students who completed their Form 5 and passed their Senior Cambridge exam were considered academically brilliant. The selected few who went on to university overseas on government scholarships were guaranteed top positions in the civil service or the private sector upon their return. Many of these early graduates became outstanding leaders in the public and corporate realms.

Today the story is quite different. Our education system, once regarded as among the best in the Commonwealth, is now better known for its mediocrity. Standards have dropped so drastically that it is easy for students to obtain a string of As in the SPM. Indeed, at one time so many students were scoring 12 or more distinctions each year that the Ministry of Education had to finally step in to limit the number of subjects students could take in the SPM, before our exams became a joke. There were students who scored distinction in SPM English who couldn't even put together a grammatically correct sentence, or speak coherently in English.

This newspaper cutting is dated 6 Nov 2005. Nothing much has changed since. We still have a glut of  graduates who are unemployed and unemployable.

The rot started decades ago when standards were lowered to enable more young people to enter university. To accommodate the huge surge in numbers, more and more universities were built. The government should have gradually increased the number of universities while maintaining standards. Students would then have to work harder to meet the entry requirements. Those who were determined enough about getting a degree would rise to the challenge. Students, when pushed, are capable of producing amazing results. One of my Form 5 classmates back in 1964 received a Colombo Plan scholarship to study in Australia. Her parents were poor and illiterate, but they believed strongly in the value of education. They made sure this was ingrained into their daughter.

But instead of maintaining standards, the Ministry of Education did the reverse. It also did away with a compulsory pass in the English language. Today we have local graduates who can't speak or write good English, and they wonder why multi-national companies don't hire them!

Imagine a small country like ours having a total of 20 public universities! Here's a list of these public-funded universities taken from the government's official portal. How many of these universities have you heard of? What kind of graduates are they producing?

Universiti Darul Iman Malaysia (UDM)
Universiti Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia (UIAM)
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM)
Universiti Malaya (UM)
Universiti Malaysia Kelantan (UMK)
Universiti Malaysia Pahang (UMP)
Universiti Malaysia Perlis (UniMAP)
Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS)
Universiti Malaysia Sarawak (UNIMAS)
Universiti Malaysia Terengganu (UMT)
Universiti Pendidikan Sultan Idris (UPSI)
Universiti Pertahanan Nasional Malaysia (UPNM)
Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM)
Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia(USIM)
Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM)
Universiti Teknikal Malaysia Melaka (UTeM)
Universiti Teknologi Malaysia (UTM)
Universiti Teknologi MARA (UiTM)
Universiti Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia(UTHM)
Universiti Utara Malaysia (UUM)

Let's not forget the 60 private higher education institutions like Universiti Teknologi Petronas (UTP), Universiti Multi Media (MMU), Universiti Tenaga Nasional (Uniten), and Albukhary International University.

My alma mater - a shadow of its former glory as
the country's premier university

Just think of the hundreds of thousands of fresh graduates flooding the job market each year. According to the Higher Education Ministry, universities, university colleges and polytechnics nationwide produced 184,581 graduates last year and 44,391 or 24 per cent of them were unemployed.

Top students are given scholarships to attend ivy league universities abroad. Their future is dazzling bright. The private sector will only hire the best candidates who have the right qualifications. What about those who fail to gain admission to overseas universities or are unable to afford the high cost of an overseas education? They enter the local universities. After graduating, they have difficulty in securing a job. Almost half of the unemployed graduates have degrees in Arts and Social Science. In the end, as always, the government has to step in and absorb a good percentage of these jobless graduates. No wonder our civil service is the largest in the world - 1.3 million, and growing each year!

Even among universities in Asia, we can't break into the top 30!

Each year when QS Top World Universities rankings and the World University Rankings publish their lists, you will not find any of our universities among the top 300. The Minister of Education will pooh-pooh the rankings, and come up with all kinds of reasons about why the rankings are biased, inaccurate or unimportant. yet, when our rankings show some improvement, ministry officials will fall over themselves to congratulate each other for their 'achievement'.

It sure looks like a long long road back to the glory days of our Malaysian schools and universities. Is there no political will strong enough to put an end to this slide in our education system?

PROTECTING OUR NEST EGG FOR THE GOLDEN YEARS

Retirees come from a myriad of backgrounds. But one thing they have in common - an accumulated pool of financial resources to draw from by the time they turn 60. The size of this pool is determined by how much they have been saving during their working years and how well they have been managing their money.

Most new retirees can't wait to withdraw all their EPF (Employment Provident Fund) savings in one lump sum. They have made plans on what they intend to do with this pile of available funds in their hands. Here's a sampling:

Lavish wedding banquet - only if you can afford it

• renovate the house
• get a new car
• invest in shares
• pay for their son or daughter's wedding
• start their own business, or help their son or daughter start their own business
• put a down payment on a house for their son or daughter
• sign up for a Rm8000 2-day course on how to make money
• spend thousands on expensive holiday trips

The list is endless, and before they know it, these retirees are looking at their rapidly shrinking nest egg. We need to stretch our savings to last us for the next 20-30 years given that our life expectancy has risen to 76.

It's all about smart money management, as Mdm Koid Swee Lian, CEO of AKPK, told retirees at a special talk arranged for Seniorsaloud community last June. AKPK is an agency set up by Bank Negara Malaysia to help individuals take better control of their financial situation. 

Mdm Koid addressing members of Seniorsaloud community at AKPK headquarters.

Unless we have several golden geese that continue to lay golden eggs, we can't afford to help our grown children with huge sums of money. While it's fine to donate small amounts to charity, it's not okay to be paying for our adult children's housing mortage, post-graduate studies, car loans, and credit card debts. They are old enough to fund their own plans and pursuits.

Remember, retirement funds are for our retirement, and not for expensive weddings, luxury holidays, and children's tertiary education. As parents, we love our children, but loving them also means letting them learn self-reliance. We have heard too many stories of irresponsible adult children getting their parents involved in their debts. Some children become so used to parental support that they expect their parents to step in whenever they need an injection of funds. The financial aid has to stop once the children start earning.

It is also not okay for retirees to develop extravagant tastes just because our retirement savings make us feel rich and deserving of a 'better' lifestyle. The key words for retirees are 'Downsize' and 'Economize'. Move to a smaller house if you can't afford to maintain your current one. Switch to a smaller car that isn't a petrol-guzzler. Reduce club membership to just one. Limit your credit cards to one or two. Travel on a budget and trim shopping expenses. We can still live a comfortable life, and have fun and adventure without depleting our retirement savings.

If there is one single item that will swallow up all our hard-earned savings at one go, it has got to be medical expenses. Surgery, post-surgery rehabilitation, prescription drugs, medical treatment and procedures can cause severe haemorrhaging to our retirement piggy bank. We should opt for public hospitals and clinics. They are just as good if not better. Remember, many of us have elderly parents to support as well.

The smartest tip for retirees, in my humble opinion, is to invest in an active and healthy lifestyle. Look after your health. Adopt an exercise regime that is cheap and effective. Brisk walking is free. You don't have to spend a cent on taichi or qigong exercises done at home or in the park. Take up hobbies. Join clubs or groups that promote fun activities. 

Sign up for lifelong learning courses that don't cost a bomb. Look for senior discounts when you sign up for classes or tours. Extend your social network of friends of all ages. Make sure these friends have a positive influence on you. I can't think of anything more depressing than spending our precious time hanging out with friends who talk about nothing but their pains and aches, about growing old or about dying soon!

Let our motto be "Live a simple life without envy or regrets".

To find out more about smart money management tips for retirees, you can click on this link below:

Tips for a financially secure retirement

LESSONS ON LIFE FROM THE ELDERS

This is one book I am definitely going to get my hands on, based on what I read about it in the New York Times. I am referring to '30 Lessons for Living' by Karl A. Pillemer, professor of human development at Cornell University and professor of gerontology in medicine at the Weill Cornell Medical College and an internationally renowned gerontologist.

Some excerpts of interest from the book as taken from the New York Times article.

Advice from the elderly:

ON MARRIAGE A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic values and goals. Although romantic love initially brings most couples together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the institution of marriage as well as to each other.

ON CAREERS 

The most important thing is to be involved in a profession that you absolutely love, and that you look forward to going to work to every day. Although it can take a while to land that ideal job, you should not give up looking for one that makes you happy. Meanwhile, if you’re stuck in a bad job, try to make the most of it until you can move on. And keep in mind that a promotion may be flattering and lucrative but not worth it if it takes you away from what you most enjoy doing.

ON PARENTING The demands of modern life often have a negative effect on family life, especially when economic pursuits limit the time parents spend with their children. Most important is to spend more time with your children, even if you must sacrifice to do so. Share in their activities, and do things with them that interest them. Time spent together enables parents to detect budding problems and instill important values. While it’s normal to prefer one child over others, it is critical not to make comparisons and show favoritism. Discipline is important when needed, but physical punishment is rarely effective and can result in children who are aggressive and antisocial.

ON AGING “Embrace it. Don’t fight it. Growing older is both an attitude and a process,” an 80-year-old man said. The experts’ advice to the young: “Don’t waste your time worrying about getting old.” Most found that old age vastly exceeded their expectations. Even those with serious chronic illnesses enjoyed a sense of calm and contentment. A 92-year-old who can no longer do many of the things she once enjoyed said: “I think I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life. Things that were important to me are no longer important, or not as important.” Another said, “Each decade, each age, has opportunities that weren’t actually there in the previous time.” 

Maintain social contacts. Avoid becoming isolated. When an invitation is issued, say yes. Take steps to stay engaged, and take advantage of opportunities to learn new things. Although many were initially reluctant, those who moved to a senior living community found more freedom to enjoy activities and relationships than they had before.

To those who worry about dying, these men and women said the best antidote is to plan for it: Get things organized, let others know your wishes, tidy up to minimize the burden on your heirs.

ON REGRETS “Always be honest” was the elders’ advice to avoid late-in-life remorse. Take advantage of opportunities and embrace new challenges. And travel more when you’re young rather than wait until the children are grown or you are retired. As Dr. Pillemer summarized the elders’ view, “Travel is so rewarding that it should take precedence over other things younger people spend money on.” Create a bucket list now and start whittling it down. 

ON HAPPINESS Almost to a person, the elders viewed happiness as a choice, not the result of how life treats you. A 75-year-old man said, “You are not responsible for all the things that happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and your reactions to them.” An 84-year-old said, “Adopt a policy of being joyful.” The 90-year-old daughter of divorced parents who had lived a hardscrabble life said, “I learned to be grateful for what I have, and no longer bemoan what I don’t have or can’t do.” The elders saw life as too short to waste on pessimism, boredom and disillusionment.

MORE ELDERLY NOW LIVING ON THEIR OWN

From Agingcare.com

Seniorsaloud regularly receives emails from people who write in asking us to recommend good daycare centres or nursing homes. Some of these emails come from senior citizens, but the majority are written by adult children concerned about their elderly parents living alone or left alone at home for much of the day.

The typical Asian family used to consist of several generations living under the same roof. In the 'ancestral home', there was always someone to look after the very young and the very old. Everything was shared - meals, household chores, even problems.

The Straits Times

Today we have the nuclear dual income family with both parents out the whole day working. So who looks after the young children? The maid. In homes where there is no maid, the children are packed off to daycare centres from morning till evening.

What about the elderly grandparents? If they are still fit and independent, they can help out with the children. What if they themselves need assistance with activities of daily living (ADL), and there is no one at home to fill this need?

The answer is daycare centres for the elderly. Unfortunately, a Google search shows a dearth of such centres in the Klang Valley. The few that exist do not have a schedule of daily activities. The elderly who are sent there spend the day sitting around with nothing to occupy them. They wait patiently for their daughter or son to pick them up after office hours.

On average, a daycare centre charges Rm70-100 a day, inclusive of lunch and tea. Given a choice, most elderly folks would rather remain in their own homes, in surroundings they are familiar with.

In countries like Japan, Korea and Singapore, an increasing number of the elderly are living alone. South Korea may have grown richer, but the traditional family with Confucian values is becoming fragmented. There are now 1.2 million elderly South Koreans, living - and dying - alone. This figure is set to rise as the percentage of the elderly is expected to grow from just 3.8 per cent in 1980 to 15.7 per cent in 2020 and to 24.3 per cent in 2030.

In Japan, the 2005 national census showed that one in 10 elderly men and one in four elderly women were living alone. The total in 2005 was 3.86 million, compared with 2.2 million a decade earlier.

From e-Monitoring Services

It's a similar situation in Singapore. The number of elderly citizens now will triple to 900,000 by 2030. The number of those living alone is likely to increase to 83,000 by the same year, up from 35,000 last year.

Adult children worry incessantly about their elderly parents living alone. What happens if they fall, faint or suffer a stroke? No one is there to help them. By the time someone finds out, it might be too late to offer any help.

National University of Singapore has come up with the e-Guardian, a special watch that can sense if the wearer (the elderly person) has fallen. It then starts in motion alerts to the base station and from there to other important contact numbers that are keyed into the e-Guardian SIM card.

Source: Straits Times

There are already several similar devices in the market. The question is - would the elderly be willing to embrace such new technology? If my 86-year old mother's response is anything to go by, the answer is No. She is suspicious of gadgets, says they are too expensive and she doesn't need them.

It would be a challenge to get the elderly to cooperate, even if it is often for their own good.

THINKING POSITIVELY ABOUT OLD AGE

Thoughts are powerful. A thought is like a seed. Once planted in the mind, and given the right environment to grow, it will thrive and develop into something concrete. From thought to reality. When a thought is translated into action, and sustained through commitment and perseverance, it will bring you the results you want.

This applies to ageing too. We are all familiar with inspirational quotes on ageing.

~ None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
~ How I feel about myself is more important than how I look.
~ When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.


It's not just about looking youthful at whatever age. More importantly, older adults who remain 'young-at-heart', who adopt a positive outlook on life are more likely to enjoy better health and longer life span. Ever wonder why some folks complain constantly of aches and pain, and seem to have endless health problems, while others remain active, healthy and happy even as they enter their 70s and beyond?

Keeping fit and active - positive age stereotypes.

The key lies in our beliefs. Positive beliefs produce positive outcomes. Negative beliefs produce negative outcomes. This is especially so when it comes to what psychologists call 'age stereotypes', that is, the beliefs people have about old age. This has an important effect on their health.

"When stereotypes are negative — when seniors are convinced becoming old means becoming useless, helpless or devalued — they are less likely to seek preventive medical care and die earlier, and more likely to suffer memory loss and poor physical functioning, a growing body of research shows.

When stereotypes are positive — when older adults view age as a time of wisdom, self-realization and satisfaction — results point in the other direction, toward a higher level of functioning." (Extract from 'Older People Become What They Think', New York Times. Click here to read the full article.)

More research to check out if you are interested:

• 'Association Between Positive Age Stereotypes and Recovery From Disability in Older Persons' - from The Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA)
• 'Longevity increased by positive self-perceptions of aging' - from The Journal of Personal and Social Psyschology

It's time we changed how we view old age. If we embrace it positively, we will enjoy better health and longer life. If we continue to think negatively about growing old, we are likely to spend our old age feeling grouchy and bitter, and facing poor health.

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” ~ George Burns