MAKING IT SAFE FOR THE ELDERLY TO BE HOME ALONE

Mdm Susan Low, 60, and her 90-year old father relaxing at their HDB studio apartment (Photo: ST)

Imagine this: you live alone with your elderly father. Every day when you leave for work, or step out to run some errands you worry about your father. Will he be alright on his own at home? What if he falls? When you call home, there is no answer. Your morbid imagination kicks into over-drive.

Imagine again, you come home late in the evening after work. You open the door and find the apartment in total darkness. Your heart skips several beats. You enter your father's room. He is lying in bed, not moving. You are about to switch to panic mode. You check to see if he is breathing. Yes, he is. He's only sleeping. You heave a sigh of relief and utter a silent prayer of thanks to God.

Familiar? Life can be a daily cycle of worry and stress for those of us living with and caring for an elderly parent. Getting a live-in maid or a relative to elder-sit is easier said than done.

Now thanks to government initiatives, senior citizens like Madam Susan Low, 60, can rest easy that help is literally at the door-step - at the seniors service centre at the void deck of her Housing Development Board's (HDB) Golden Jasmine studio apartment block in Bishan.

The apartments are designed with safety in mind. Besides handrails, grab bars and anti-slip tiles, each unit is installed with an emergency alarm system. All the elderly residents have to do is yank-pull the 1metre-long pull cords set up in the toilet and living room. The staff at the help centre will be alerted and will rush to the unit within five minutes. They are ready to respond to any calls for help from the elderly residents.

The Econ Health and Wellness Centre at Bishan is the first seniors help centre at HDB's studio apartments offering both free and paid services. Three more projects are coming up in Queenstown, Jurong and Ang Mo Kio.

Mdm Kong Yow Ghua, 78, who lives alone,
exercising at the gym. (ST)

The centre also provides free recreational facilities for the residents, a gym and as well as a traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) clinic. There is a nominal fee charged for use of the gym and for TCM consultations and treatments.

Aside from the seniors help centres, there are seniors activity centres (SACs), which offer free services like therapy and counselling to residents of HDB rental blocks.

The population of Singapore is ageing rapidly. Today one in 12 Singaporeans is aged 65 and older. This figure is projected to rise to one in five in 2030. This means an increase from 300,000 people today who are aged 65+ to 900,000 by 2030.

It will be a challenge for the government to ensure that the elderly are adequately taken care of, and every consideration be given to provide assistive living for them, especially for the elderly who live alone or with one adult child already in the 50s or more.

OBEDIENT WIVES CLUB EXPLAINS ISLAMIC SEX

If you can't get hold of a copy of the book 'Seks Islam' (Islamic Sex Guide), not to worry. The book has been banned here in Malaysia. But here's a Youtube video that sheds some light as to what Islamic sex is all about, at least according to Obedient Wives Club national chairman Fauziah Ariffin.

However, not all Muslim women in Malaysia subscribe to the teachings in the book. "OWC's teachings are an insult to Islam", says Ratna Osman of Sister-in-Islam.

Hatijah Aam, 57, founder of the OWC, and one of the wives of the late Al-Arqam founder Ashaari Muhammad who is featured on the cover of the controversial book, shares some insights on OWC's interpretation of Islamic sex.

• If your spirit is pure you can have sex with your wife even though you are abroad fighting a war.
• God allows sex sports. And to be good in sex you need practice.
• Orgasm releases a pain killer and helps with fever. But don’t have affairs on the pretext of curing your fever.
• Orgasm prevents wrinkles.
• Sex can make you younger. Jogging can be replaced by “sexcercise”.
• Only animals have sex without mukadimah (foreplay).
• It is important for a woman’s breasts to be sucked in order to prevent breast cancer (quoting a BBC news report).

(Extracted from the article "Taking Sex to the PhD-level" in The Star.)



While the women are embroiled in the controversy, the men are generally quite happy to remain on the sidelines. As long as they are permitted to marry four wives and everyone of the wives pledges obedience to their husband, and do their best to satisfy his sexual needs, what is there for them to complain about?

It's still very much a man's world out there. If members of the Obedient Wives Club take joy in being subservient to their husbands, why should the rest of us condemn them and deny them this pleasure? If the husband is happy, and all his wives are just as happy, then there's all to it. Isn't that what matters? Better than being in a monogamous marriage where neither party finds fulfilment in each other, and the only option left is divorce. But, to each her own.

Footnote: The title of the banned book is Seks Islam, Perangi Yahudi Untuk Kembalikan Seks Islam Kepada Dunia. This translates into Islamic Sex, Fighting Jews to Return Islamic Sex to the World. What is the link between Jews and Islamic sex? Why the use of the word 'return'? Did the Jews hijack Islamic sex? 

These instructions would fit nicely in OWC's guidelines on how to please their husband.

OH TO HAVE MONEY TO GIVE AWAY...

Photo: The Star

It is always heart-warming to read of common folks turning philanthropists.

Ms Choo Hong Eng, 58, who runs a vegetarian stall in a coffee shop in Geylang, Singapore, has been making the news since she hit the jackpot at Marina Bay Sands (MBS) casino on Oct 18.

She became an instant millionaire when she won RM1.03m on Oct 18 playing the Lotus Evolve slot machine at the casino. However, MBS refused to pay her the full sum. The manager told her the machine had a glitch. They would, however, offer her RM123,248 (S$50,000) and a sports car worth RM638,331 (S$258,962), which she could sell back to MBS for cash.

Fortunately for her, casino patrons who were eye-witnesses to her winning strike were willing to testify that the machine clearly displayed the words "Cash Bonus" and the amount won. Encouraged by their support, she filed a complaint with the Casino Regulatory Authority, and prepared for a David-against-Goliath battle to claim what was rightfully her winnings.

The CPA had two weeks to deliver its decision on the matter. But on Wednesday Nov 9 MBS informed Choo she would be paid the full amount. Choo subsequently withdrew the complaint. Two days later on Nov 11, Choo received a cheque for S$416,742.11 which she immediately banked in.

Choo and her two daughters. They have no objections to their
mother giving away half of the winnings. Says Choo, " My girls
are not materialistic." Photo: Straits Times

Choo has just got her first cheque book and will soon be writing her first cheques to give away a total of $200,000 to 20 charities. A staunch Buddhist, she will host a dinner at the Singapore Buddhist Lodge on Nov 25 where she will present the cheques to the charities.

This is not the first time Choo has struck it rich at the casino. Four years ago, she won S$280,000 playing a slot machine on a cruise ship. She donated $180,000 of the winnings to charity. In a Straits Times interview, Choo said, 'I have all that I need, there is really nothing else I want. I took on the casino because I wanted to show that people should stick to their principles and that there are aunties in Singapore who are fearless.'

Choo's story reminds me of other common people who could have used their money to live comfortably, but instead chose to help others with their money.

Photo: Xinhua

Sanitary worker and garbage collector Li Yukun, 64, has given away about 100,000 yuan of her earnings since 1998 to put 15 students through college. When she reached the retirement age of 50, she had to beg the Wendeng environmental protection department where she worked to let her stay on so that she could continue supporting the students. She also donated the 50,000 yuan which the Wendeng construction bureau gave her for living expenses.

From 1986 at the age of 74, to 2000 trishaw driver, Bai Fang Li, donated about 350,000 yuan (S54,200) of his earnings to finance the education and living expenses of more than 300 hundred poor students. In 2001, when Bai was 90 and unable to peddle trishaws anymore, he turned to looking after people’s cars at the station. He saved up to 500 yuan and made this his last donation. He passed away in 2005. Three years after his death, a movie was made to document the story of this kind-hearted octogenarian trishaw driver.

Chen Shu-chu at her vegetable stall. Photo: Taipei Times

Chen Shu-chu, 60, sells vegetables in a stall in Taitung County's central market, in eastern Taiwan. From her earnings and savings, she has managed to donate nearly NT$10 million ($320,000) to various causes, including $32,000 for a children's fund, $144,000 to help build a library at a school she attended and another $32,000 for the local orphanage, where she also gives financial support to three children.

"Money serves its purpose only when it is used for those who need it," says Chen. Already her story has inspired many people to contribute to help others. She was on TIME's 2010 list of 100 most influential people. In March last year, Forbes magazine named her one of 48 outstanding philanthropists from the Asia-Pacific region. In November, Reader's Digest picked Chen the winner of the Asian of the Year award.

These incredibly generous and warm-hearted folks have shown that we don't need to be rich to help others. A little savings accumulated over the years, or donated on a small but regular basis can be a life-line to others who are in dire need of support.

Aid doesn't always have to be money. Retirees who have time on their hands can offer to help out at NGOs or welfare organizations. They are always in need of manpower.

OLDEST PORN STAR AT 76!

Meet grandfather Shigeo Tokuda. In his gray suit and distinguished glasses, he looks like your average retiree. But that is as far as the comparison goes. At an age when most retirees are winding down and settling for a quiet life in their twilight years, Shigeo Tokuda is making a name for himself as Japan's oldest porn star.

Tokuda, a former travel agent, started acting in porn movies at the age of 59. His family initially objected to his new post-retirement profession, but has since resigned themselves to it. He says he wants to inspire old people and cheer them up. "I want to be a role model for them, especially the men."

To date, Tokuda has starred in more than 300 movies. The production company plans to offer the videos to retirement homes in Japan with the message that older people can still enjoy sex.

In the 2008 CNN interview below, Tokuda says he has no plans to retire from the porn film industry as yet. "I hope to continue working till at least 80. It keeps me fit and healthy."



Today, at 76, Tokuda has slowed down a little, limiting himself to making an average of one movie a week and getting paid about US$500 a day.

For Tokuda, there's certainly life after retirement. Whether one views his fame (or infamy) as inspiring, amusing or downright disgusting, it is evident he is living life to the fullest.

The elder-porn industry in Japan is burgeoning. With Japan's population ageing faster than any other country in history, the elder-porn industry looks set for robust growth in the years ahead.

SENIORS HELPING SENIORS

Seniors donating provisions to seniors in need.

Community activism - that's the new name for giving back to the community. An increasing number of senior citizens are turning community activists in volunteering their time and services to help their peers.

Instead of waiting for the government to launch initiatives, these senior activists are taking the lead in offering assistance to other seniors. It makes sense, for who would understand the problems of senior citizens better than their own kind? Who would communicate better with the elderly than members of their peer group?

Problem gambling prevention ambassadors helping to spread the antigambling
message to a punter at a betting centre. Photo: Straits Times

In Singapore, community activism among seniors is blossoming. Senior citizens are signing up for programmes that train them to help other seniors. One example is the Problem Gambling Prevention Programme run by the Young-at-Heart! Community College. Senior volunteers who sign up are trained as gambling prevention ambassadors. They visit betting centres and gambling joints to spread the message about the pitfalls of gambling, and also counsel gambling addicts.


Young-At-Heart! community health ambassadors visiting Mr Foong Keng Sung
in his two-room rental flat. Photo: Straits Times

Other groups of seniors visit the elderly at their homes and spend some time with them so they do not feel so lonely. Mr Chow Kong Wee, 72, is one such volunteer. Every week, he drops in at the rental flats of senior citizens who are suffering from problems such as dementia. He brings along pictures of places and objects from the distant past, such as old sewing machines and irons. These pictures act as memory triggers to start conversations.

The programmes have received positive feedback, with many of the elderly expressing a preference for peer group assistance. As they speak the same language, there is no communication barrier.

Senior citizens attending a computer class at the Young-At- Heart! Community College.
Photo: Straits Times

Another group helping out is RSVP (Organization of Senior Volunteers). This non-profit organization has trained 80 senior volunteers in information technology skills over the past five years, and they, in turn, have coached 7,282 senior citizens last year through IT courses held at the organisation's office.

Elsewhere, senior citizens are doing their bit on their own, volunteering their services at daycare centres for the elderly, and community centres for seniors. Click here to read the Straits Times report.

Volunteering to help others not only makes us feel useful, but also benefits us in many ways. Studies show a strong correlation between volunteering and health: those who volunteer have lower mortality rates, greater functional ability, and lower rates of depression later in life than those who do not volunteer. Older volunteers benefit the most. Volunteering provides them with physical and social activity and a sense of purpose. It gives them an opportunity to be a contributing member of their community.

ALZHEIMER'S - TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME

Last Thursday, my mother had her first appointment at the 'Memory Clinic' - an euphemism for the Psychiatric Clinic. If you have never spent hours waiting in a crowded government hospital, count yourself lucky. It's not an experience you want to subject yourself to, if you can help it. It's very depressing, more so in a clinic filled with elderly people in various stages of mental decline.

As I sat there, looking at the expressionless faces of the old people around me, I wondered what was going on in their mind. What were they thinking about? Was there now one huge void where memories once held sway?

I turned to my mother as she sat in the wheelchair staring blankly at the clock on the wall. "What are you thinking about?" I asked. "Nothing," came her reply. I must have repeated the question a dozen times during the four hours we were at the hospital. Her answer was always the same -"Nothing".

Footnote: The KL-PJ Caregivers Support Group will be holding its monthly gathering and talk on Saturday 19 Nov, 2.00pm, at ADFM PJ Daycare Centre, 6 Lorong 11/8E, Section 11, 46200 Petaling Jaya:

TOPIC: “Can Alzheimer’s Disease Be Prevented?”
Speaker : Dr Rajbans, Consultant, Pantai Hospital Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur,

Kindly confirm your attendance early.

Email to jenny@adfm.org.my / Tel: 03-7956 2008/7958 3008 / SMS 016- 608 2513 / Fax 03-7960 8482 or contact Christine at 03-2260 3158

RETIRED HUSBANDS - A PAIN OR A GAIN?

The book is available on amazon.com.

(In the article below, Linda Lim takes a frank look at what makes retirement tick. Guys, if your retirement isn't turning out exactly the way you have envisioned it, Linda tells you why.) 

Retired husbands - pain or gain?    by Linda Lim

                     

Working people on the verge of retirement look forward to their last day of work. After working for 30 over years, there is nothing more pleasurable then calling it a day, not worry about getting up early to go to work, meeting deadlines or projects to complete and producing results. They drool when they think about freedom from work, their much needed rest and needless to say enjoy their gratuity or pension, like going for holidays and pursuing their hobbies. In short, doing things they never had the time or money to do so when they were working. 

But alas, retirement is not all bliss as some newly retired husbands discover. A friend of mine who retired early as she had to take care of her children when they were young now finds that her newly retired hubby is a pain. He demands that his wife be at his side at all times and is annoyed when she has her own programme. To start with, he questions her on her daily activities.

“What!? Coffee morning again? Why do the luncheons with your friends have to stretch to tea-time.? Are you going shopping again? What do you need to buy? You have everything already. What is this activity call line dancing that takes two hours of your time?”

Manicure, pedicure, volunteer work at the handicap center, sewing sessions - all these words are foreign to him. The husband who once thought that retirement was bliss began to have second thoughts. Many of the friends he has are still working. His older friends who are retirees have their own activities. His adult children have no time for him. He turns to his wife for constant companionship only to find that she has activities of her own that do not include him.

The wives of today refuse to be tied down to housework. They have fun-filled activities that stimulate their minds and in so doing they have a bigger circle of friends. But the newly retired husband clings to his wife.  He becomes a pain. Soon he gets tired of reading. There is a limit to the television programmes that he can watch and then he becomes a nag. He is envious that his wife is more sociable than he is.

Another friend told me that her newly retired hubby decided to do spring cleaning and in so doing, cleared the storeroom of things that she needed. He meant well but angered her as he had disposed of things that she had cherished.

Yet another newly retired husband became a hypochondriac. From a healthy senior he started to develop imaginary aches, pains and headaches and demanded constant attention and unnecessary visits to the doctor. He became unkempt and was always seen in his faded tee shirt and shorts. As he had nothing to do, he started to find fault with family members and neighbours. He complained incessantly about life in general. Truth be told, he aged by leaps and bounds.

I remember this senior colleague of mine who used to mark on his calendar the retirement date and tell me what his activities would be like. He was going to paint his fence, repair some faulty appliances, polish his car till it looked like new and in his own words, just relax.

Two months later, this same enthusiastic retiree was looking for part-time jobs. Retirement, he sheepishly confessed, was not his cup of tea! He was bored to tears, and was a nuisance to his wife and family. Today he is doing part-time lecturing at a private college. He is enjoying himself, deeply immersed in his new found job. The pay packet though small is not an issue. He is gainfully employed and happily occupied.

But there are two sides of the coin.

Photo: Straits Times

My neighbour on his retirement has embarked on his hobby - gardening. After six months of retirement he has a manicured garden to show off, the envy of his neighbours. He grows passion fruits, bananas and papayas, and also herbal plants. The best part is when he reaps the harvests we all get a share of it. His organic fruits and vegetables are indeed a delight. It is such a joy to see him tend to the garden daily. He looks healthy. His eyes sparkle when he tells us about his plants.

My uncle too has taken to retirement kindly. He has his own activities and respects the activities which his wife has and they meet up for dinner. His day starts with golfing with his friends bright and early in the morning. He and his friends often lay a wager and the losers pay for breakfast. Nothing elaborate, just a cup of coffee and maybe a packet of nasi lemak or some cakes. Over breakfast they sit and yarn about politics, their health, and a post-mortem on their golf game. 

Photo from grandparentingwithapurpose.com

By 11 am he is back home to read the papers. Sometimes he has lunch with his cronies and then he goes on the computer or watches television. If the weather is favourable he goes for an evening walk, this time with another set of friends. When he and his wife are not off on a holiday, they are grandparents on call. When their adult children need them to baby sit they are there to lend a helping hand. During long school holiday breaks they take the grandchildren to their home and give their children a break. It is evident that my uncle really enjoys his new found retirement.

Yet another newly retired husband is my cousin’s other half. He converted his garage into his work- room. He bought a DIY set and now he churns out useful things. I was presented with a footstool to put up my legs when I watch TV – a much appreciated handmade gift of love. His children too get lovely gifts. The other day, his daughter-in-law proudly showed off the wooden trolley that he had made. He is now going to make for his wife a spice rack.

Yes, these retirees are certainly really a gain.

And so retired husbands, which one are you - a pain or a gain? Don’t know the answer? Ask your wife.