ARE CHINESE MOTHERS MONSTER MOMS?

What makes Chinese students so successful academically? The answer may lie in strict discipline aka traditional Chinese upbringing. But just how strict is strict? Where does one draw the line?

In her new book 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother', Yale professor Amy Chua shares how she raised her two daughters to be academically brilliant and musically-talented. Western mothers are horrified by her methods of parenting. By western parenting standards, Chua is considered a Monster Mom.

Click here to read the extract taken from Chua's book.



Our own parenting days have long passed, but with our adult children so busy with work, we are often called upon to babysit our grandchildren. We become stand-in parents. How do we fare in the 'nurturing and upbringing' department? How do we make our young ones do their homework, or practise the piano? When they don't do well in their exams, do we call them "Retards! Worthless!"? Do we threaten them when they refuse to sleep early or spend too much time watching TV? Do we spank them if they are rude?

Or do we spoil them and excuse every display of mischief, rebelliousness and disrespect with "Oh, they are just kids"?

If you are a Chinese in your 60s and 70s, you will probably recall the strict rules of discipline that Chinese parents enforced upon their children back in the 1940s and 50s. Those were the days of the rod. Remember the awful name-calling? It's a wonder that most of us survived our childhood physically and emotionally unscathed.

On a related note - how do parents plant the seed of financial brilliance in their children? For instance, what did Mark Zuckerberg's parents do right to produce a son who, at only 26, has a fortune that Forbes estimates is worth USD6.9billion? Or the parents of India's Suhas Gopinath, the world's youngest CEO? Now 24 and a multi-millionaire, he started his company when he was only 14.

If the secrets of bringing up future billionaires were published in a book, parents the world over would be queuing up to grab a copy.

Has anyone done an in-depth study of parents of gifted kids? It would be interesting to know whether these parents share similar child-raising methods. Food for thought.

THE 37-YEAR ITCH

Gray divorces are on the rise, and I'm not surprised. We've all heard of the 7-year itch - that's when after seven years of marital bliss, husbands start to have roving eyes and wives start to roll their eyes and beat their hearts in helpless frustration.

That was a generation or two ago when most wives didn't have much of an education and had no means of fending for themselves and their young children if they left their husbands. For them divorce was not an option. So they remained the faithful, long-suffering wife while their husband went AWOL night after night.

Not anymore. These women have been bidding their time waiting till the children are all grown and on their own before filing for divorce. This is the 37-itch, and this time it's the women who are getting the itch, to split, that is.

Being divorced is no longer a social stigma for older women in their 50s and 60s. They are not willing to settle for less or second best anymore. Why should they? They can't see themselves remaining in a boring, loveless marriage, having to share space 24/7 with someone whom they have little in common with. Financially independent, college-educated and empowered by those who have already taken the bold step, these women are ready to move forward to a new chapter of life without their men by their side. And the future looks promising and exciting. For many, it's Freedom At Last!

Gray Divorce Statistics

According to the 2008 U.S. Census, 25% of new divorces were among couples married at least 20 years and 51% of those divorced were Baby Boomers (born between 1946-64).

The Gores split in 2010 after 40 years of marriage.

Of the more shocking statistics, a study by American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) reported that 66% of the divorces studied were initiated by the wife.

Age-specific divorce rates in Singapore (Source: Statistics Singapore)

There are no available statistics of gray divorces in Malaysia. In Singapore, the numbers are still low, but if global trends are anything to go by, it's a matter of time before we see a spike in gray divorces in these countries.

 

Pay heed to these warning signs if you want to make your marriage last a lifetime.

DO WE NEED A LAW TO GET US TO VISIT OUR ELDERLY PARENTS?

Source: Straits Times 8 Jan

Is filial piety is a fading value in our Asian culture? It would appear to be so according to these headlines. If you are a baby boomer, you would have parents in their 80s or 90s. How often do we make time to visit them? Or call them up on the phone to ask how they are doing?


My siblings with mom tucking into durians - her favourite fruit.

I know of siblings who never make the effort to ask after their elderly parents or visit them except for the obligatory once-a-year birthday, Mother/Father's Day and festive visits. At other times, it's a case of "Out of sight, out of mind".

On the other hand, I also know of siblings who make it a point to take their parents out for a meal every weekend, and visit at least every other day. They take turns to make the arrangements and foot the bill. They are concerned about how their parents are doing, and jointly contribute towards taking care of their parents' expenses like nursing care, maid, medical bills, health supplements and other necessities. (Pic: My mom on her 84th birthday on 10-10-10.)

Is it because adult children are too busy with their own lives, or is it because they are simply being honest in displaying their lack of filial piety? There are 1001 reasons why an increasing number of adult children don't or won't take care of their frail parents.

The top five reasons that I've heard:

• no extra room at home for their parents
• no one is free to care for them at home
• their children come first, not their parents
• they can't afford to support their parents
• their parents are not easy to live with
• they don't deserve to be taken care of

Of all the above reasons, I find the last one most unacceptable. No matter how badly our parents may have treated us in the past, we can't stand by and do nothing for them in their time of need. Their blood runs in our veins - this is something we can't deny.

And when they are gone, can we ever forgive ourselves for neglecting them in their final years?

EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE

Source: Straits Times (7 Jan 2011)

This must surely be one of the most heart-warming stories to start off the new year. God does answer prayers after all.

Last month, vagabond Ted Williams, 53, a former drug addict and alcoholic with a criminal record, was standing by the roadside in Columbus, Ohio, with a sign advertising his God-given voice and begging for help. A local reporter pulled up and asked him to say something so he could record it. The video was later posted on Youtube.

Within three days, the video went viral and to date has been viewed more than 12 million times! Williams, the man with the golden voice, has been inundated with job offers and has appeared on NBC and CBS. And it's only the beginning.

'I can't believe what's going on,' said Mr Williams. 'God gave me a million-dollar voice, and I just hope I can do right by him."



This tent had been Ted's 'home' during the past months. 



Ted reunites with his 92-year year mother, Julia, after 10 years. (Photos: Daily Mail)

 Click here to read the full story and view the mother-son reunion. Truly amazing.

LEARNING FROM WEB-VIDEOS

I listen to talks almost every day. I do it in the comfort of my home office, sitting at my desktop computer with the speakers turned up and a pen in hand ready to take down notes. I have been enriched and empowered by what I've learned so far, and it's all absolutely free!

I am referring to TEDTalks and to YouTube videos. I first heard about the web-video sites in 2008 when a good friend, a former school teacher, forwarded me a link to Sir Ken Robinson's talk on "Do Schools Kill Creativity?" That link led me to TEDTalks and YouTube. Since then, I've been 'home-schooled', learning directly from a host of experts happy to share their cutting-edge ideas.

Over the past three years, I've posted many of these web videos on Seniorsaloud. TEDs' tagline is "Ideas Worth Spreading", and I'm doing exactly that. Here's one TEDTalk - "The New Age of Government" - that should be made compulsory viewing for our politicians and government officers.

CHINA - THE LAND OF FAKES?

A friend just forwarded an email extolling the benefits of consuming eggs. Apparently various studies have indicated that taking eggs regularly prevents blood clots, lowers the risk of developing cataracts and cancer, promotes healthy hair and nail growth, etc...It's best to take these egg claims with a pinch of salt, until verified and authenticated.

Before you start stocking up on your egg supplies, beware of fake eggs being sold to unsuspecting consumers. With the Chinese New Year less than a month away, eggs will be in high demand for baking CNY biscuits and cakes.

The Straits Times today carried an article alerting the public of the possible dangers of consuming fake eggs. These are chemically produced by folks out to make a killing on the market as these eggs are produced at a fraction of the cost of real eggs.

Click on this link to know how to identify fake eggs.

From China we have tainted milk, fake organic vegetables, fake wine, fake tofu, fake sausages - what's next? Did someone say 'fake China virgins'?

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