HOW TO BOOST YOUR SAVINGS AFTER RETIRING

Retirees face age discrimination in the workplace. However, there are other options to consider if you want to work post retirement. - 123rf.com

We love to have options, don’t we? Options allow us to choose what appeals to us, like the option to retire early at 40, the option to continue working after 60, or to return to work after retiring.

What about those who have no options, who find their retirement savings may not be sufficient to see them through the next 15 to 20 years? With inflation fast shrinking the value of our ringgit, can we say with certainty we are financially secure to enjoy our retirement years?

What is the solution? Go back to work? Easier said than done.

Retirees face age discrimination in the workplace. Society still has a negative perception of older adults as slow, frail, forgetful, unable to keep up with the times. Unless they have skills or experience that are highly sought after, retirees will have difficulty re-entering the job market.

With the wealth of experience, skills and qualifications that retirees have, it seems a shame to be discriminated against for re-employment. Some employers say retirees are too expensive to hire based on their last drawn salary. Others say older workers are not as capable mentally and physically as younger workers. It is unfair to paint all older persons with the same brush.

Indeed, those who have secured jobs are grateful and have proven to be dedicated employees, often going beyond their job scope. And they do not job-hop. Surely mutually agreeable terms can be worked out. Older workers could work part-time or flexi-hours and accept a lower pay.

Part-time option

One of the most popular encore careers (second career on retirement) is to set up a consultancy in your field of expertise. If you don’t want the stress of setting up your own company, you could operate a simple home-based business making use of your skills and passion.

Retired teachers can do edit and translation work or give home tuition. The more enterprising retirees that I know sell home-roasted nuts, freshly brewed Masala tea and packaged spices. Those who love sewing find a niche in making and selling tote bags, hats and purses, while those good at embroidery can demand a good price for made-to-order kebaya blouses.

Also consider offering physiotherapy and grooming services such as pedicure/manicure to stay-home elderlies.

The most popular still remains providing homecooked meals. If the menu is specially targeted at senior citizens, like offering healthy soups, food that is less spicy and not deep fried, such promotion will attract more orders.

Women have a clear advantage in generating revenue streams. They form the biggest percentage of shoppers. They hold immense purchasing power as they are the ones to do the shopping for the family, as well as handle the family accounts and budget. They understand prices, supply and demand in the market.

An excellent example are the women of Kelantan. Their business acumen is inherited from the women in their family before them. A passing down from their grandmothers and mothers.

As for the men if they are good in sports, they can build a clientele as a tennis or swim coach, a personal trainer or a yoga/taichi instructor specialising in teaching older persons. Or a dance instructor. Retirees enjoy learning new things, whether it’s picking up a new language, a music instrument or a new skill.

With the growing interest in the senior market, there is a demand for seniors to promote products and services. TV agencies and production companies are always scouting for older models for their clients.

It is more credible to use a youthful-looking senior citizen to promote anti-ageing beauty products or health supplements than to have a pretty young woman do so. The pay can be quite good.

If you don’t fancy working for someone else, you can always start your own business and be your own boss. This involves taking on some risks, especially financial ones. You will likely face rejection for a bank loan unless you have sufficient assets as collateral. If you are unable to secure a loan or find partners, you may have little choice but to inject your retirement savings into the venture. Do due diligence and study the market before you take the plunge.

If you are unsure of what to go into, the Japanese concept of ‘ikigai’, or purpose in life will help boost your chances of succeeding in the business or employment you want to get into. Leverage on your vast working experience, skills and interests. Think of yourself both as a senior consumer and senior provider. What services and products do you need or want but that are not easily available?

That could be a starting point.

What about being an entrepreneur?

According to Global Entrepreneurship Monitor, the more successful entrepreneurs are in the 55-64 age group, and the number is growing, in response to global population ageing. They have the experience plus the skills, networks and capital to start an enterprise. Still, it pays to be cautious when deciding on a new business venture especially if you have always been an employee, and now you want to be a business owner.

Retired professionals who have had successful careers have huge spending power. They are as yet an untapped market. If you can cater to them, you will be generating a good steady income. Seniors best understand the senior market. Think out of the box.

Be aware of the hard work you will have to put in as an entrepreneur. You can’t afford to take holidays, or pay yourself well. You have to sacrifice family time. You have to work out a business plan, figure out the logistics, determine pricing and find out what legal documents are required. This is just a fraction of the tasks you will need to deal with. Go in with your eyes wide open.

Social media marketing is crucial to get your service or product known to as many potential customers as possible. If you know nothing about e-marketing, get your adult children to come onboard and turn it into a family business venture. Or employ someone who can handle this aspect of the business for you.

Some retirees may feel investing in shares is the best option. Unless you have a track record as a successful investor, it’s best to stay clear of putting your hard-earned savings into stocks and other financial products that you know little about. Just because everyone is talking about cryptocurrency stocks it doesn’t mean you should rush into it.

If you really want to invest, consider investing in EPF. Not only is it backed by the government with guaranteed returns, you also enjoy compound interest on your savings. You will be happy to watch your savings grow each year.

Entrepreneurship, self-employment and re-employment are options available for retirees to boost their savings, and remain financially independent. This relieves the burden on their children to support them. It also eases the responsibility of the government to provide welfare and health care for the ageing population.

By continuing to work, these seniors contribute to the economy through the payment of taxes.

Successful senior entrepreneurs also create jobs through staff recruitment. It certainly looks like senior entrepreneurship and self-employment are the way forward for retirees seeking to supplement their retirement funds. It’s a win-win situation for all.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

This article was first published in the print edition of The Star dated 20 Dec 2023. It can be accessed at this LINK.

TO DRIVE OR NOT TO DRIVE?

Most bus stops do not display bus routes and schedule on the notice-boards. If we see any, the info is likely outdated. - 123rf.com

Most of my senior friends still drive. They tell me they would be helpless without wheels. They wouldn’t have a clue how to get from Puchong to Sunway, or from Kajang to Putra Heights in the Klang Valley, for example.

They would also lose the freedom of going where they want and when they want.

They may still have a choice now. But what happens when they reach their 80s or 90s as they surely will one day? Their reflexes then may be slower, their vision no longer as sharp and their memory of directions may be fading. Would they still be driving or hanging up their car keys for good?

Already many seniors avoid driving at night as they easily get confused especially when driving to a place for the first time.

Who can tell whether or when the government may make it mandatory for older drivers to undergo a medical test to renew their driving license? Countries like Japan and Australia have already imposed such a ruling for drivers aged 75 and above. In Singapore taxi drivers must retire at age 75.

Why not be prepared for that eventuality by taking the bus or train the next time you have an appointment or go shopping? Leave your car at home and take public transport. You will find it’s not that difficult or inconvenient.

Think positively. You would save on fuel, parking fees and toll, and help reduce traffic congestion on the roads. Think of the health benefits. You would be fitter from walking more. You would also be getting more Vitamin D from exposure to sunlight. Just bring along an umbrella or a hat and a bottle of water, and you are good to go.

Oh, before you set out, wear a pair of good walking shoes.

Improved public services

Our public transport system has improved over the years. Remember the unpleasant rides in the late 1970s on those stuffy, over-crowded pink mini-buses with their daredevil F1 wannabee drivers?

What a relief these buses were discontinued in 1998. Today we enjoy comfortable rides on airconditioned buses and on LRT and MRT trains. The coaches are clean, well-lit and spacious. With the recent addition of Ladies Only coaches, women passengers need not worry about being harassed or molested during peak hours when coaches are jam-packed.

There are also free intracity shuttle buses in KL and PJ. With an expanding network of the rail system, connectivity has improved tremendously, allowing for seamless travel within the Klang Valley

The only complaint I have about taking the trains is the lack of respect shown to senior citizens.

The priority seats meant for seniors, OKU and pregnant women are usually occupied by younger passengers. They are so busy on their mobile phones they couldn’t care less if an elderly passenger was standing right in front of them! Few would offer to give up their seat.

The biggest plus point for senior citizens is without doubt the 50% discount on all fares. They can apply for a warga emas card at Pasar Seni LRT station, and get it on the spot for immediate use.

Similar to the last car I owned. Before that I drove a Volvo 121. Seems like eons ago. Pre-Proton time so all the cars I drove were foreign cars. Expensive to maintain.

I haven’t driven since I sold my Chrysler Alpine in 1998. I depend mainly on public transport, rides from my good Samaritan friends and my two legs to get me to where I want to go.

Room for improvement

As a 75-year-old senior with 25 years of experience taking trains and buses on a daily basis, let me assure seniors out there that they can definitely survive without a car. I can understand their reluctance to opt for public transport when they still have a choice. Their biggest grouse is the dismal lack of information on bus routes. The buses are the weak link in an otherwise efficient public transport system.

I have often found myself clueless at bus-stops in places that I don’t often visit. Most bus stops do not display bus routes and schedule on the notice-boards. If we see any, the info is likely outdated.

Not an iota of infomation about the buses serving this bus-stop.

Instead, we see advertisements and notices of rooms to let, job vacancies, money lenders and the like. There is also the problem of last-mile connectivity.

Having a bus schedule doesn’t necessarily mean the bus drivers keep to the times stated. If we are lucky, we get to board our bus just as it is about to depart from the station. If we miss it, we may have to wait anything from 15 minutes to 45 minutes.

Instead of getting worked up, I view this positively as time to relax. I have learned to be super patient. It’s good for the heart not to be stressed over things beyond our control.

The newer bus-stops now have a laminated QR-code posted on the notice-board. Commuters are supposed to scan it to view the bus route. Whoever introduced this certainly did not have senior citizens in mind. Not every senior is digital-savvy or owns a smart phone.

Some elderly also may find the bus steps too high and they struggle to board the bus. The bus drivers are supposed to stop close to the pavement so it’s easy for seniors to step from the pavement onto the bus or vice versa. Instead, the drivers stop away from the pavement.

During heavy rain, passengers have to wade through puddles of water to get on or off the bus. Furthermore, not all buses are wheelchair accessible. I have seen only two occasions when the bus driver got off the bus to assist an OKU in a wheelchair board the bus at a bus-stop.

This is the bus-stop from where I board the bus almost daily to KLCC to transfer to the LRT line. It has remained in this deplorable condition for the past 10 years!

With our population heading towards aged nation status by 2030, it is imperative for the government to address these shortcomings in our public transport system. Every family has elderly members. When their physical limitations and needs are addressed, everyone benefits. Make it easy for our older citizens to travel on public transport.

Do I ever miss driving? Absolutely not! The horrendous traffic jams, parking problems, road bullies and most of all, the high cost of maintaining a car, are enough to deter me from seeking out a good used car dealer.

As I advance in age, the thought of getting behind the wheels again is fast fading. I have let my driving license expire this year. No regrets.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was published in The Star under the 'Grey Matters' column on Wed 22 Nov 2023. It is accessible at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2023/11/23/seniors039-conundrum-to-drive-or-not-to-drive?)

TO AGE WELL, START YOUNG

The new generation of seniors are ready to venture forth to where their predecessors had feared to go. - 123rf.com

Each year, on Oct 1, we celebrate the United Nations’ International Day of Older Persons. The entire month is packed with events and activities, and media coverage of everything related to seniors.

It is an annual reminder that we are growing older, that there are challenges to be met and to prepare for.

Not that we need reminding. The mirror does that for us daily.

Not that long ago, no one (not even the government) knew or cared about what Oct 1 meant. But when the alarm bells rang to warn of an impending “silver tsunami”, suddenly we see nursing homes, senior living residences sprouting up everywhere.

Conferences, talks, exhibitions on ageing well, retirement planning, healthcare are held practically every other week. It is as if the panic button had been activated, and there is a rush to get ready before the country’s growing ageing population aged 65 and above reaches 15% or six million by 2040.

While the government is speeding up building an elderly-friendly ecosystem, what can we, the seniors, do for ourselves? How do we prepare for our old age to ensure we have more years of good health and fewer years of disabilities?

Amazing Seniors' Jasmin (far left) and Low (far right) with Timeless Inspiration Awards and Community Leadership Awardees (from left) Ras Adiba, Ivy, Khadijah, Lat (in brown) and Fu. (The Star)

One of the open secrets to ageing well and being able to remain fit and do most of the things we enjoyed doing in our younger days is to start laying the foundation early.

If you have missed out on an early start, it’s never too late to begin adopting a healthy lifestyle. A daily exercise regime helps to strengthen our immune system and protect our body against frailty. If you don’t have the discipline to exercise on your own, join a line dance class or an outdoors group that goes hiking or brisk walking regularly.

Community Leadership Award

recipient Lily Fu founder of

SeniorsAloud community. (The Star)

The social connection in group activities is an added benefit. Having supportive friends helps to keep our spirits up and drives away any hint of depression especially for seniors living alone.

The current generation of older people – the baby boomers, born during the post-WW2 boom years 1946 to 1964, is the first wave of retirees who have had the benefit of education and gainful employment.

They are now reaping the rewards of years of hard work, enjoying financial security and living life to the fullest. These septuagenarians and octogenarians are giving “old age” a brand-new meaning and image.

Thanks to advances in medicine, science and technology, the “new old” are fitter, healthier and looking much younger than their parents’ generation.

And their numbers are growing, worldwide. 

We need not look further for evidence of this new breed of seniors than in the recently concluded three-day Senior Festival organised by Amazing Seniors.

The Talent Quest event was an excellent showcase of the new seniors. Looking at them singing and dancing with gusto on stage, the young ones in the audience couldn’t help but be amazed at the energy and the spirit of fun these seniors displayed. Who could believe the models in the fashion show were seniors with the oldest at 85?

The seniors in the Malay dances and those on the ukeleles showed that older people can learn from scratch anything if they have the interest and passion to do so.

SeniorsAloud members taking part in a fun fashion show for the first-time. Most are in their 60s, with the oldest at 85.

The new old are breaking all the rules on how we should age. Who says Grandmas are not supposed to look glamorous? Where does it say Grandpas shouldn’t have fun? Which handbook or religious book are these do’s and don’ts coming from?

Where does it say that older people should behave a certain way? The retirement years are for enjoying life. We deserve a well-earned rest after years of work.

What a terrible waste of precious time if we spend it counting the days and preparing religiously to hear that last boarding call for our final departure. If we are always afraid of death and ageing, and spend our time getting ready to depart, our lives will truly be grey.

Looking ahead with anticipation

We need to face ageing with positivity. So go out there. Try new experiences as long as they are not a risk to life or limb. The new generation of seniors are ready to venture forth to where their predecessors had feared to go.

They are saying no to social stigmas that dictate how older people should behave, or face public ridicule, scorn, even ostracism.

They are shattering the long-held perception of older people as frail, senile and economically unproductive, and a drain on the country’s resources.

Those who do not have the means, such as time, money and education to age well envy those who are ‘privileged’.

But why envy? Envy gets us nowhere. Take action. Anyone and everyone can age well.

Seniors love the outdoors to keep fit and active.

Getting our body moving is free. So are fresh air and sunlight. Thoughts are free too. Think positive. Think hope. You will be surprised what a huge dose of positivity and good habits can do for our health and wellbeing.

It’s a cliche but it needs repeating – change begins with us.

Our health is our responsibility. We know what to do, but we don’t do it. A lack of motivation makes us complacent until a serious health issue triggers an immediate response – an emergency trip to the doctor or the hospital.

Change takes time, but older people don’t have the luxury of time. So just do it. Live healthy, live well, live long.

I used to be amused at cartoons and jokes that poke fun at old people, depicting them as senile and

forgetful, like taking ages to cross a road and holding up traffic, or using Tipp-Ex to erase typos on the computer screen.

These images only reinforce the negative perception of older people as unfit for re-employment, and a drain on the nation’s resources. Such depictions of older people are in poor taste.

It explains why ageism is still being practised especially in the job market, and older people continue to be overlooked or discriminated against.

As the country moves into an era that will see a huge demographic shift, it is pertinent that we change how society looks at older people. It’s time we see them through new lens that focus on their strengths, their experience and their talents.

Hopefully, the new old will herald a more positive perception of our senior citizens as vibrant and still capable of contributing much to the economy and to nation-building.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in The Star print edition on Wed 25 Oct 2023 under the Grey Matters column. Access the link here.)

FROM HOME SWEET HOME TO NURSING HOME

Make sure to find out if the home has certified nurses and trained support staff. Photo: 123rf.com

Whether we like it or not, there will come a time when we have to seriously consider where we see ourselves living 20 years after retirement. Given a choice, most of us senior citizens would prefer to age in place, that is, age at home in familiar surroundings.

Much as we may desire this, it may not be in our best interest. There will come a day when we find ourselves living alone. We may be fit and enjoying good health in our retirement years.

But all it takes is a fall to render us helpless, unable to get up and call for assistance. Climbing the ladder to change a bulb or reach for a jar on the top shelf may result in a mishap that sees us ending up with a broken hip and in a wheelchair.

As for adult children, they worry about their elderly parent being alone at home. They dread getting a call informing them something dreadful has happened to dear mom or dad. What if Dad suddenly has a stroke? There’s no one at home to call for an ambulance. What if Mum who has Alzheimer’s wanders out and can’t remember the way home? Worse, what if Dad experiences a cardiac arrest, and his body remains undiscovered till a week later?

Such cases have been reported in the media. We need to seriously consider the likelihood of moving to an aged care facility at some point in our later years. Living with our adult children may not be an option available to us. They may have settled overseas or are working in another city. Even when there is room in their home, the elderly parent may not want to move in and lose their freedom and independence.

There could be many reasons why the number of Home Alone elderly has risen in recent years. Only a small percent is due to a lack of filial piety. It’s best to be prepared for that eventuality and start checking out retirement homes and assisted living facilities, rather than wait for an emergency to happen and we end up leaving that choice out of our hands.

At least come up with a shortlist and share it with our children.

A nursing home with a garden scores a plus point. Residents can enjoy the outdoor sunlight and fresh air, and engage in some exercise, or in gardening.

Let’s start with private nursing homes which have been mushrooming in recent years in response to Malaysia’s growing ageing population. Operating an aged care facility, whether a nursing home or a daycare centre, has become a thriving business. Private nursing homes are a common sight in residential neighbourhoods.

Most are housed in converted bungalows or former service apartments rather than as purpose-built facilities. Nearly all have attractive websites promising quiet surroundings, daily activities and tender loving care.

Don’t be taken in by the marketing hype. The fees depend largely on the level of care required, and the services and facilities offered. Be prepared to cough up between RM3,000 to RM8,000 a month.

What do the fees cover besides meals? Laundry? Diapers? Medication? Personal toiletries? Personal grooming-haircuts, manicure, pedicure? Are there regular triage checks? The high-end ones offer a resort lifestyle, complete with swimming pool, gym, karaoke, ensuite rooms. In short, it’s akin to living in a five-star hotel, so be prepared to pay five-star fees. For the majority, even at RM3,000, most adult children can ill afford it, given their many financial commitments. With longer life expectancy, the sandwich generation of adult children has now expanded to include retirees who are carers for their elderly parent aged 90+.

With no income, limited savings, and their own declining health, these retirees struggle to look after their aged parents.

Here are some questions as a guide

1. What is your first impression of the facility? Clean? Well-ventilated and well-lit? Elder-friendly furniture and fixtures? Quiet surroundings? Safe and comfortable environment? Any greenery? If it’s a double-storey building, look for a fire escape outside. If the home looks uninviting from the outside, there really is no point ringing the doorbell. It would be a total waste of your time.

2. Is the home licensed? This serves as a good guide as certain conditions such as fire safety need to be fulfilled before a license can be issued. Ask whether there is a proper admission procedure. Is there a management team to oversee running of the home? Homes that are operated by one or two individuals with little relevant experience or qualifications are likely to be unlicensed.

3. Are the nurses certified and the support staff trained? Remember, you will be leaving your loved one in their care 24/7. Do they treat the residents with respect and patience? Is there a resident doctor or physiotherapist? Do the staff look overworked or unfriendly? Are they mostly foreigners or locals? Are they able to communicate with the elderly to understand their needs? What are the provisions for emergencies? Do the staff keep you informed about your loved one when you are away? What is the staff to residents ratio?

4. Are there meals planned with the dietary needs of the elderly in mind? Is the menu changed daily? Is there a weekly programme of activities such as morning exercises, art and music sessions? Or are the residents left to themselves to watch TV most of the time? Does the home arrange for outings or for volunteer groups to visit regularly and interact with the residents? Do the elderly residents look neglected and bored?

Ask around for recommendations from friends who have a family member in a nursing home. Do some research online to back up a recommendation. Then contact the home to arrange for a visit.

If they say you are welcome to drop by anytime, it is a good sign that they are prepared to be ‘inspected’ at your convenience, and not theirs. Remember to ask the right questions during the visit, and make a mental note of everything you see, both good and not so good.

I hope this article gives you an idea of what to look for in a good retirement home or nursing home for yourself or for an elderly. You will be surprised how many homes you will strike out from your list before you finally find one that could be the answer to your prayers.

This article by Lily Fu was first published in The Star (Mon, 02 Oct 2023) in the Grey Matters column. The online edition can be accessed at this link: https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2023/10/02/starsilver-from-home-sweet-home-to-nursing-home

(Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.)

SENIORS, DITCH AGE-OLD STEREOTYPES AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIVES

It's never too late to learn a new skill. - 123rf.com

If there is one word that should be banned from a senior citizen’s vocabulary, it is the word ‘Old’. How can we expect society to have a positive perception of older people when we think of ourselves as ‘old’ – as in ‘‘I’m too old to...”

Words have power. Never ever think we are too old to learn. Our brain cells do not atrophy with age. In fact, they regenerate. Our brain cells get stimulated with new learning. Neurogenesis and neuroplasticity enable us to continue absorbing new knowledge, new skills and new experiences.

These two processes continue throughout our life span. When we think we have lived long enough, seen enough, and there’s nothing more to learn, it is easy to slip into boredom. Life becomes a long stretch of humdrum.

Nothing new, nothing exciting to enjoy or look forward to. On the contrary, the best time to learn new things, to pursue our dreams is in our retirement years. No more nine to five, no more parenting responsibilities. We now have time and savings to learn what we want, with no pressure to sit for exams. Welcome to learning for leisure.

Learning for Leisure

Want to pick up a new skill such as cooking, painting or home repairs D.I.Y? How about learning a new language, a musical instrument or a new dance? Looking for something related to wellness? There’s yoga, tai chi and qigong.

Technology is more your cup of tea? Well, there’s smartphone usage, cloud computing and drone basics, all taught under Digital Technologies. Thinking of setting up a home-based business or a start-up? Enroll for a course on entrepreneurship.

Seniors at a U3A Design Thinking class - designing the ideal wallet 

All the above, and more, are courses offered at University of the Third Age (U3A) at MyAgeing, Universiti Putra Malaysia. When I first read about their Open Day in The Star in 2011, I was so excited. Right away, I registered for several courses. Now 12 years later, I am still taking up courses at U3A. The only difference is most of the courses have gone online via Zoom due to the Covid pandemic. This enables more seniors from outside the Klang Valley to take up courses.

There are more than 40 courses to choose from ranging from art and music to languages and digital skills. Most of the courses run for six weeks with course fees at an affordable RM80 per course.

Aside from U3A, there are 132 Pusat Aktiviti Warga Emas (PAWE) activity centres throughout the country. There are plans to have at least one PAWE in every constituency to promote active learning among the older population. Courses are offered free to enable seniors especially from the B40 group to expand their knowledge and learn new skills that could help them generate some income.

Academic Courses

Seniors who did not have the opportunity to further their studies after high school can now fulfill their dream of obtaining university qualifications.

Doing my MSc in Applied Gerontology
in 2018 at age 70

Compared to the limited number of courses in the 1960s-80s, our universities now offer literally hundreds of degree courses. As Malaysia heads towards ageing nation status, we can expect a surge in university applications from older adults. Yet, our university brochures invariably feature young undergrads fresh out of high school or college. This smacks of ageism, doesn’t it?

Grants, scholarships and loans have an upper age ceiling that shutout applications from older adults. Education has always been seen as a way out of poverty. This applies to young people as well as to older people. But with ageism, opportunities to improve the socio-economic status of retirees and pensioners via higher education remain limited.

Online Resources for Learning

One alternative is to go online for learning resources. With thousands of courses available online, many for free, adult learners are spoilt for choice. All that is required is the determination to complete the courses. Mind you, these courses are offered by some of the world’s top universities like Yale University, University of California, Los Angeles, National University of Singapore and Peking University.

My first Coursera certificate
 from Johns Hopkins, 2013

For those who are interested in online academic courses, you might want to check out Coursera. I signed up for my first online course “Care of Elders with Alzheimer’s Disease” in 2013 through Coursera. My certificate was issued by Johns Hopkins Hospital.

I have done a dozen free online courses since then.

The internet opens up a world of e-learning. It is our go-to virtual library. Knowledge is practically at our fingertips, and just a click away. It’s that simple to enrich our mind.

Unfortunately, there are still many among the older generation who think they are beyond learning anything new.

We seniors have to make the effort to learn digital tools. It is not as daunting as we think. YouTube is an excellent source of learning skills for those whose learning preference is visual rather than textual. You can learn practically anything under the sun, all with just a laptop and a stable internet connection.

There is really no excuse at all for not making the effort to learn because of our age.

Benefits of Lifelong Learning

Use it, or lose it: That applies to our brains as well. If we continue to use our brain, we are exercising it, stimulating it to think, to analyse, to reason, to stay mentally sharp. Learning new things throughout our lifetime can help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. Our memory improves when we challenge it with learning new skills. Learning something new also boosts self-esteem. When we learn a new skill, we feel a sense of achievement and pride. When we add a new qualification to our name, we earn respect from others. More doors are open to us for employment.

Learning a new skill - at the 24-drums class with other seniors, enjoying the fun and camaraderie of group learning

For me personally, I enjoy the supportive social environment that comes with learning together with others. We form new friendships that are essential for our health and well-being. This is especially important for seniors who live alone or are dealing with stressful events. Going for hikes with friends can turn into a lesson on discovering wild flowers and rare mushrooms.

Visiting a museum or an exhibition can expand our knowledge. Attending a workshop on ChatGPT can help keep us abreast of the latest in digital tools. Everything and anything can be turned into a learning experience if we see it as such. There really is no excuse not to make use of the resources and opportunities available to us to remain mentally sharp as we age. Not doing so may earn us the label that is so often applied to older people – senile or nyanyok.

(This article was first published on 30 August 2023 in The Star under 'Grey Matters', a monthly column that focuses on issues and topics of interest and relevance to older persons. Some of my pictures have been added in this blog version to illustrate that age is no barrier to learning.)

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

GROWING OLD TOGETHER...OR NOT

But being together 24/7 could also result in daily acrimonious exchanges, with the couple getting on each other’s nerves. (Photo: Josh Felise/Unsplash)

‘To love and to hold, till death do us part’. 

Those were the days when marriage was a sacred institution. Marriages then were meant to last a lifetime.

Even when death took away one partner, the other would remain faithful till the end. Couples stayed together because they took their marriage vows seriously, especially if they married in a place of worship and exchanged vows before God. My mother remained a widow for 64 years after my father passed away at a very young age.

In this digital age, with freer social interaction between the sexes, and with online dating sites easily available, remaining faithful to one person for the rest of one’s life seems to be strictly for the firm believer in fairy tales of the genre ‘... and they lived happily ever after’.

Silver or grey divorces are on the rise. Asian societies have generally become more open to divorces.

Divorcees and single mothers are no longer stigmatised by family and friends. Children have become more accepting of their parents’ divorce.

The retirement years for empty nesters can make or break a marriage. When the children have flown the nest, one would think that is the best time for married couples to enjoy each other’s company. Having the whole house to themselves means having the peace and privacy to rekindle the romance that was relegated to the back-burner when the children were growing up.

But being together 24/7 could also result in daily acrimonious exchanges, with the couple getting on each other’s nerves. This was one of the possible explanations for the spike in non-Muslim divorce cases during the Covid pandemic when people were told to remain at home and not go out unless necessary.

According to National Statistics Department’s latest figures, non-Muslim divorces increased by 30.4% from 9,419 to 12,284 during Covid from 2020 to 2021.

Losing that loving feeling

For many senior couples, that old loving feeling is long gone, only to be replaced by a deep sense of loneliness, of unfulfilment and even regret at the realisation that perhaps their spouse is not that someone they want to spend the rest of their life with.

The situation is made worse when one partner has sexual needs that cannot or will not be met by the other partner.

Divorces are usually messy, ugly and expensive. The only winners are the lawyers. There is no point in saving a marriage that may have started off in heaven, but that has since quickly descended into marital hell.

Sure, there are couples who are blessed to have found their “soulmate” to share their lives with. But for many middle-aged couples, they are more likely to find themselves stuck in an unhappy marriage, wondering what happened to that sweetheart they loved and married so many years ago.

This is especially true for women in their 50s and 60s who feel trapped in their marriage. Emboldened by the rising number of silver-haired divorces they read about, they no longer think twice about initiating divorce proceedings. They no longer feel pressured to keep up a pretense of a happy marriage. They no longer fear facing the future alone.

Now better educated and able to support themselves financially, many divorcees are enjoying the single life again, or entering into new relationships. And with the children all grown and independent, there is even less reason for them to remain in the role of the long-suffering wife, especially if their husband has been unfaithful or abusive to them.

To be fair, there are husbands who want to leave their wives too. Some women are no angels, and do cheat on their husbands. Others are gold-diggers or title-seekers. Still others are so insecure, they become overly jealous and possessive of their husband, while many are born naggers, constantly harping on their husbands’ perceived faults. Such women can make marriage a living hell for their husband.

If it’s the man who initiates the divorce, it’s usually because of another woman who has re-kindled the spark of passion in him. Few men would want to divorce their wives who have brought up the children and provided them with all the comforts of home.

Even if these men have lost physical and emotional interest in their wives over the years, they would still want to remain married.

Couples who split amicably can choose to live separately without going through a divorce. They can still remain friends and enjoy family reunion dinners and outings. There should be no regret or bitterness on both sides. Forgive, forget and move on.

Women are no longer fixated on finding a husband before they get “too old”. Men are just as happy to remain eligible bachelors. We know friends who are happy to remain single if they have not found a kindred spirit to spend the rest of their lives with.

Datuk Dr Khairuddin Yusof and Datin Khairiah are an example of a happily married couple who've journeyed through live together. (Photo: DR KHAIRUDDIN YUSOF)

On the bright side, there are couples who have enjoyed marital bliss from their wedding day till the present day. These are truly marriages made in heaven, that no one and nothing can break asunder. These are rock-solid marriages, not marriages on the rocks. These happily married couples would be the first to tell you that it takes a lot of “give-and-take” and sacrifices to make a marriage work.

It is a milestone, an enviable achievement, when couples celebrate their golden wedding anniversary together. It’s a rarity too.

Given the changing times and the liberal social norms of today, the odds are heavily stacked against young couples to stay happily married for the rest of their lives.

When we look at young married couples, including our own adult children, we can only pray in our hearts that they will “love and honour each other for as long as they shall live”. Given the longer life span today, that could mean the next 40-50 years of their lives.

All newly-weds want their marriage to work. They want to grow old together.

Here are some tips for a long-lasting marriage. Remember it takes a lot of work for both parties.

1. Appreciate your spouse and show it with little acts of love.

2. Communicate. Share your feelings, your views, and your worries.

3. Continue to have sex and intimacy. Have weekly dates.

4. Never criticise or humiliate your spouse in front of others.

5. Have realistic expectations of each other.

6. Embrace your differences.

7. Have your own pursuits as well as shared ones.

8. Learn from each other, and respect each other.

9. Support each other in maintaining an active healthy lifestyle.

10. There will come a time when one spouse will pass on before the other. So cherish every moment spent together. 

The print copy was published on 2 Aug, and the online edition on 5 Aug. Some images have been added for this version. The Star article can be accessed at 

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2023/08/05/growing-old-together-or-not/

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.