SEVEN LIFE LESSONS FROM STEPHEN HAWKING

There are several lessons we can take away from the movie "The Theory of Everything". I watched it two weeks ago and found it very inspiring on many levels. I know I will never pick up Stephen Hawking's international bestseller "A Brief History of Time". I am just not that cerebral, nor into science or maths. You won't catch me reading "A Briefer History of Time" either, or "The Universe in a Nutshell". I would probably find them too intellectually challenging to digest. Nope, for me, nothing like an Oscar-nominated movie to get me all fired up to learn more about Stephen Hawking, reputed to possess the greatest mind on earth.

Here's what I took away from the movie, and from my googling about Stephen Hawking, the man, the husband and the father, NOT so much about Stephen Hawking, the cosmotologist.

1. Never give up 

Hawking's doctors gave him two to three years to live after he was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), a motor neuron disease, at the age of 21. He was then studying at the University of Cambridge. Today, he is still around and just celebrated his 73rd birthday on 8 January, 2015.

How long we live is not solely the doctor's decision, but also up to us (our lifestyle which is within our control) and God.

2. Knowledge is limitless

There is no such thing as "Been there, done that" or "You can't teach Grandma to suck eggs". Many older folks don't take well to advice or suggestions to learn new skills. They consider themselves already experienced and knowledgeable.

Lifelong learning is a journey that ends only with our last breath.


3. Celebrate life. Be thankful that we can wake up every morning to greet another new day.

Despite Hawking's physical limitations which could have easily driven a lesser man to bitterness and despair, Hawking maintained his sense of humor and was able to see the lighter side of some of his predicaments as when he lost the ability to speak and had to use first the spelling cards and later the speech synthesizer to communicate. In all his interviews, his wit and sense of humour is evident in his responses to the questions asked.

The ability to laugh and to look on the bright side helps to ward off self-pity and bitterness.

With first wife Jane in 1960s, and second wife Elaine Jason at their wedding in Sept 1995. Source: Daily Mail

4. Stay young-at-heart

Hawking never allowed ALS to rob him of the joy of being a parent. He had three children with his first wife Jane. He was close to all of them, and would often join them in their games, chasing after them in his motorised wheelchair to the delight of the children.

Having fun and being playful helps us to remain young-at-heart.

Hawking with Jane and their children in 1983. Source: Mirror

5. Never be idle

There is always something we can do and succeed in. Find it, and make it our driving force, our passion. When we enjoy doing something, it is no longer work. Don't just keep the hands busy, keep the mind active too. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. An active mind also helps to reduce the risk of Alzheimer's.

6. Quit being grouchy and grumpy

We know what folks say about old people - we are always finding fault and complaining about this or that. Whether it's the weather, the government, the younger generation, the cost of living, the lack of respect for the elderly, blah, blah blah - we have an endless list of things and people to complain about. How did we turn into such horrible grouches? We have ourselves to blame if others don't enjoy our company.

Smile more, complain less, and see what a difference that makes in our relationship with others.

7. Look beyond our physical limitations

As we age, it is inevitable that we slow down physically. Some of us will face health problems that may lead to a reduced quality of life and increased dependence on others to do things for us. Hawking never let his disabilities hamper his work or his life. He lost the ability to use his limbs, and later the ability to speak. For a professor who was still teaching at Cambridge, it was a huge blow. But he found a way to get around his many setbacks, thanks in part to technology, and to a fierce determination to beat all odds. Believe it or not, Hawking has not retired, and continues to give talks and lectures.

Update: Hawking passed away on 14 March 2018 at age 76.

CHOOSING A NURSING HOME

There may come a time when caring for your AD or Dementia afflicted relative at home is no longer feasible. So with great reluctance, anxiety and apprehension you face the inevitable - the need to transfer your loved one to a Nursing Home. Today, an ever increasing number of us face this sad situation owing to the lack of available suitable helpers or family members to care for our aging relatives at home.

To meet this growing need Nursing Homes have become a thriving business and a common feature in most suburbs. Most are established in remodelled existing bungalows rather than in purpose-built facilities. Nearly all have attractive websites promising appealing surroundings and tender loving care.

How then do you choose a Home for your beloved relative? Simple answer – be informed. Disregard the website promises: visit the Homes, observe and investigate. Most importantly, ask the right questions.

Assuming that you are checking out a licensed Home that fits your budget and is easily accessible, the following is a brief list of what to look for, and questions you need to ask the Home Administrator and/or Nurse in Charge before you entrust your relative to any Home.

Staff should not only be qualified and experienced, but also be caring.

THE NURSING HOME STAFF

Investigate this aspect very carefully as you will be leaving your loved one in their care 24/7. Observe how they interact with residents, whether they address residents with respect and kindness, whether they seem more interested in their phones/iPads or TV rather than attending to residents.

Questions to ask: 
What is staff/resident ratio? How many nurses/carers/helpers? Are nurses and other staff trained for AD/Dementia care? How they are trained? Do they attend ADFM’s or other courses? Do they watch training videos? Are they given handouts/guidelines on how to handle problematic behaviour? Ask to see these guidelines. Ask how they would handle the specific problem behaviour that your relative may have, e.g. wandering, aggression etc. Ask about the Home’s policy regarding use of restraints.

A clean, spacious and airy dorm with enough sunlight coming in. Note the attached bathroom and toilet.

THE FACILITIES

(Indoors): Is it clean? Odour-free? Cheerful? Have a pleasing decor rather than an odd assortment of cheap, worn-out furniture? Are upholstered chairs stained by food, urine etc? Are rooms spacious enough for the number of beds in them? Do all rooms have windows? Are rooms air-conditioned and not gloomy, hot and stuffy? Are there handrails in the hallways and bathrooms? Are there emergency call bells in each bathroom and beside beds? Are residents’ rooms and public areas safe, e.g. no slippery rugs, nothing on top of cupboards? Are there private areas for residents to be in when family and friends visit? Is there a table for residents to work or play at, do art, craft or puzzles, use iPads, play cards, etc?
(Outdoors):  Is there a garden with seating areas and paths for walking or exercise? Is the outdoor area obstacle-free with no open drains, stones and other hazards nearby?

A good nursing home should have a daily programme of activities and a well-planned daily menu.

QUALITY OF LIFE

A necessary feature of any care facility is a range of activities to keep residents active and happy to counteract the inevitable sense of isolation and insecurity they would feel away from their families.

As you are touring the building, notice if the residents appear to be doing something other than sitting on front of a TV. Look for a weekly activity schedule, which should be posted. If it isn’t, ask for one. Is there a games room or even a table for games? A library or even a bookshelf?  Computer work stations? Internet access? Any musical instruments/CD player?

Questions to ask
Are special activities available for those confined to their rooms or wheelchairs? Are volunteers encouraged to visit and/or provide programs? Any excursions, weekend and evening activities? Does the activity calendar reflect the interests of the residents? Ask to see the weekly schedule of activities. Are brain-building or memory-testing games available?

Singing and Bingo are popular activities at dementia care facilities..

QUALITY OF CARE

One of the first things to note is the overall well-being of residents. Determine if they seem alert and happy, and see if they look clean, well taken care of and properly groomed.

Questions to ask
Does the Home have a doctor on call? Does the doctor make regular visits to check on general health of residents? Are in-house services provided for residents’ hair, beauty and podiatry needs? How are residents’ dental/vision/hearing needs attended to? Are rehabilitation services available, such as occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy or recreational therapy? Do residents get enough morning sun and daily exercise? Does the Home keep a record of the residents’ backgrounds, e.g. their past life; their relatives; their likes/dislikes; what upsets them; what causes/triggers problematic behaviour etc? Ask to see sample record if possible.

Meal time at a nursing home. Photo: Straits Times

NUTRITION

Nutrition is a vital part of your loved one’s good health. Nursing Homes are first and foremost a business, so make sure cost-cutting measures do not mean your relative gets sub-standard and poor nutrition. Plan unscheduled visits during mealtimes if possible.

Does the food that is being served look and smell attractive and appetizing? Does the food appear to be nutritionally balanced? Are tables attractively set with proper utensils, cutlery and napkins instead of pieces of a toilet roll? Are residents interacting socially during meals? Are residents who need help being fed with patience and care?

Questions to ask 
Are there options for residents to choose from at mealtime? Ask to see the weekly menu. Does a dietician plan the menus taking into account the special needs of residents? Can relatives eat with their loved one occasionally? Are nutritious snacks available during the day and evening?

Once you have made your decision, stay vigilant. Voice your reservations to the Home Administrator about any indifference, inattentiveness, and lack of proper care of your loved one that you notice. Make sure your concerns are attended to. Here’s what a former US Nursing Home administrator says,

“There are good and bad administrators. What do I mean by “bad”? They listen with a smile as residents and families complain — then do nothing because they don’t want to make waves with nursing staff and Management. Their job is to simply keep costs down... period.”

Do not leave your beloved relative in the hands of a bad administrator.

(The above article was submitted by guest contributor Renee Tallala. The images were added by the editor.)

IS CANCER DUE TO BAD LUCK TOO?

(Photo from the researchers: C.Tomasetti, B.Vogelstein; Illustrator: Elizabeth Cook. Source: Johns Hopkins)

At our age, that is, 60s and 70s, we probably know of at least two or more people who have lost their battle against cancer. Everyone fears the big "C". The good news is many types of cancer are no longer terminal if diagnosed and treated early. Still, no one wants to hear a cancer prognosis from their doctor. The mere mention of the word is enough to invoke strong emotions of disbelief and despair in the patient.

I lost one of my aunts to lung cancer a while back. She never smoked in her entire life, but years of living with a chain smoker and inhaling secondary smoke probably contributed to her cancer. Her husband my uncle lived a longer life than she did. The irony of it.

That's a whole lot of smoke being exhaled. Imagine the damage that can do to our lungs over the years. 

We all know people who practise healthy living, meditate daily and faithfully go for regular medical check-ups. Yet they end up with cancer. On the other hand, there are those who break all the rules of clean, healthy living, and still live to a ripe old age, virtually disease-free, and with no major health problems.

Doesn't make sense, does it? It begs the questions - who gets cancer, who doesn't, and who recovers and who doesn't? Does God have a say in this? Or is it karma at work?

Perhaps the answer lies in the latest findings of a research study carried out by Dr B.Vogelstein and C.Tomasetti and published in Science on 1 January 2015.

The researchers: (left) Dr. Bert Vogelstein is professor of oncology at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, co-director of the Ludwig Center at Johns Hopkins and an investigator at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute; (right) Cristian Tomasetti is a biomathematician and assistant professor of oncology at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and Bloomberg School of Public Health.

“All cancers are caused by a combination of bad luck, the environment and heredity, and we’ve created a model that may help quantify how much of these three factors contribute to cancer development,” says Dr Vogelstein. (Click HERE to read about the methodology used.)

Bad luck? Hardly a scientific explanation, is it? A convenient answer, but not good enough to satisfy those who ask "Why me?"

According to the researchers, it is possible to mathematically quantify one's cancer risk by plotting the number of times a stem cell divides. The higher the number of divisons, the more likely the cells will mutate into cancer cells. However, they weren't able to include some major forms of cancer, such as breast and prostate cancer, due to a lack of reliable research on the rate of stem cell division in those areas.

Pity, because I have lost more friends and relatives from these two cancers than from other types of cancer.

Sabah snake grass (clinacanthus nutans) - a cure
for cancer? Doctors have warned against taking it. 

While still on the subject of cancer, I owe an explanation to the many well-meaning people who forward to me articles and videos about the latest cures for cancer. They wonder why I do not post the information on SeniorsAloud blog or facebook page to share with others.

I sincerely thank them for their thoughtful gesture, but conventional wisdom tells me since I have no medical background, I am in no position to support any claims of a cancer cure.

What works for one person may not necessarily work for another. I certainly do not want to be guilty of causing anyone to suffer complications arising from my sharing of a particular so-called cancer cure. And they are many such dubious cures on the Internet.

One example is the above. Would I want to share information about this herb that carries a '98%' cure claim? How much do I personally know about the efficacy of this herb? What if someone took the herb and suffered adverse side effects? Would I be held responsible to some extent? Yet articles about miracle cancer cures are popping up everywhere on Facebook.

The point to make is this. Let's do the research before sharing or recommending anything that claims to be good for our health, especially health products and supplements that carry a hefty price tag.

MAY THE NEW YEAR BRING US JOY, PEACE AND FULFILMENT

Glad to see the end of 2014. It has been an "annus horribilis" for many families with all that has happened this year. Our heartfelt condolences and thoughts go out to those who have suffered loss and bereavement.

Despite everything, there's always hope that 2015 will be a much better and brighter year for all of us. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A SENIOR TRAVELLING ALONE

I have always enjoyed travelling. Who doesn't?However, not many seniors, especially the ladies, like to travel alone. My lady friends say they feel lonely, scared and lost without a travelling companion. For them, it's best to travel with friends or family, or go on a package tour.

The ideal travelling partner is someone who shares the same interests, is easy-going and adaptable. Otherwise, you are better off travelling alone.

My first ever trip abroad was to India and Nepal in 1975, and I went alone. I have made several trips since then on my own. As the years pass, it gets increasingly harder to find a travelling buddy who can rough it out with you if need to. As seniors, we have become very set in our ways, and used to being in our comfort zone.

Regardless of how many times we have visited a place over the years, there is always something new to learn from each visit. The same applies to my recent trip to Melbourne. Although it was my fourth visit to Australia, and my second to Melbourne, I gained fresh insights about the city and the people from my week-long stay there.

Here are some tips for seniors travelling on their own for the first time:

1. Accommodation 
Choose a hotel that is centrally located. It may be slightly more expensive, but you save on transport as everything you need or plan to do is within walking distance. My daughters did a great job arranging my accommodation and flight as their Christmas gift for me. I was fortunate to stay at the Sebel in Flinders Lane, right in the heart of the city's business district. The hotel was a mere five minutes walk round the corner from Flinders Street station. Each morning after breakfast, I would set off to explore the city on foot or by shuttle. After lunch I would double back to the hotel to freshen up, nip out again and only return to the hotel after dinner.

My work station with my laptop all set up to get connected online

2. Internet Connection
You want to be in touch with your family, so ask the hotel about internet availability and charges, if any. The Sebel, for example, provides guests with complimentary internet access for only 30 minutes each day, and only in the hotel lobby. Anything more you will be charged accordingly. If you are using a smart phone, it is advisable to get an international sim card easily available at the airport or at any convenience store. Remember to turn off data roaming when you are travelling. You don't want to be greeted with a hefty bill from your local telco when you get home from your trip. One more thing - don't forget to pack an adaptor for your electronic devices.

3. Travel light
Ladies, forget about packing your Sunday best. Leave your jewelry and perfume at home. Bring only essential make-up and toiletries. Forget about matching clothes, shoes or handbags with the right colours or occasion, unless you are prepared to pay extra baggage charges at the airport. I had only a small cabin-size trolley bag and my pc bag with me for the one-week trip. I wore Fitflops throughout the entire trip, and packed only 4-5 changes of clothes, all casual.

4. Maps and brochures
Get a good detailed map of the city and also brochures/pamphlets of the places you want to visit. You can pick these up for free at the city's Visitor Centre, or at your hotel front desk. Plan your itinerary the night before, and ask for more information and advice from the staff at the front desk. You will be wasting time, energy and money if you wander around clueless. Don't be shy to ask for directions. Australians are among the friendliest and most helpful people that I know.

5. Public Transport
Also get a copy of the city's public transport (PT) network and schedules. They are available at the stations. The best and cheapest way to see the city sights is by PT, so it makes sense to get a stored-value travel card for A$6, and top up whenever the need arises. Most cities have a free shuttle service that takes you on a tour of the main attractions. I found the 40-minute ride most helpful as it gave me a good idea of places that I would like to check out, and those that I could strike off from my To-Visit list. You can choose to get on or off at designated stops along the route.

6. Events and Attractions 
Scan the events page of the local papers and find out what's going on in the city that appeals to you, for example, what's playing at the theatres, cinemas, and Town Hall. Thanks to my cousin Henry, I had a ticket for a premium seat to watch the award-winning musical "Once" at the Princess Theatre. Other popular musicals that were playing during my stay in Melbourne were "Strictly Dancing", "Les Miserables" and "Grease". I also caught the movie "Exodus: Gods and Kings" at the Hoyts cinema at Melbourne Central. I wasn't going to wait till I was back home to find that the censorship board has banned the movie. One never knows.

Depending on your budget and what you are looking for, you can shop at the malls or at the markets. But know that you may be able to get the same items, especially souvenirs, for much less at the markets, e.g. Queen Victoria Market.

7. Shopping
If shopping is on your priority list, again check the local papers for sales. Find out where the popular department stores or malls are, and how to get there. If you are shopping for souvenirs or gifts to bring home, control the temptation to buy whatever grabs your fancy on Day 1 of your trip. Likewise, don't buy at the first shop you visit. Compare prices and goods. You don't want to kick yourself later for paying more for something that you could have gotten at a lower price at another shop. This also applies to last minute shopping at the airport before your flight home. Merchandise sold at the departure lounge can often be cheaper than that sold at the main airport hall.

8. Meals
Eating out is not cheap. More so when the currency exchange is not in your favour. In Melbourne, it makes sense to buy fresh fruits, nuts and cooked food at the markets. If you don't mind an occasional meal of fast food like pizza, burgers and sandwiches, there are plenty of such food joints in the city. Another option are the food courts where you can get variety. Just don't convert the price, if you want to enjoy your meal. I paid A$12.80 (RM37) for a plate of char kwey teow (fried noodles) and A$5.80 (RM16.70) for a bowl of soup with five pieces of wantan. It would have cost me only RM5 and RM4 respectively in Malaysia. By the way, bring a bottle of water with you wherever you go. Keep hydrated as you walk the streets of the city in the summer heat.

9. Tourist Attractions
To stretch your tourist dollar, visit places where admission is free. You will be surprised how many there are. For Melbourne, I highly recommend St Paul's Cathedral, Victoria State Library, Immigration Museum and the public parks. The hours pass by quickly when you are having a good time. I spent an entire morning at the Immigration Museum and an entire afternoon at the Victoria State Library. That's one whole day at just two places.

From city ambassadors and firemen to police officers and passers-by, Australians are happy to offer assistance to visitors.

10. Ask for assistance
What happens if you are lost or unable to locate a place you plan to visit? Just ask. Most people are friendly and helpful to visitors. They will give you directions, tell you which train to take or recommend the best places to get what you want. I have no qualms about approaching a stranger to ask where the toilets are! Australians have a wonderful quirky sense of humour which I love. Just look at these T-shirts at Robbie's stall in Queen Victoria Market.

One final word. The best way to explore a city is on foot. So make sure you pack a pair of comfortable walking shoes, and a shawl or sweater in case it's a bit chilly. Armed with a good map and a bottle of water, you should be ready to set off early each morning for a day of exploration and adventure.

Snapshots of Melbourne:

Travelling alone does not necessarily mean you have only yourself for company. If you take the initiative to say 'Hi', you will be surprised how quickly you can start a conversation with other hotel guests, fellow tourists, or the locals. You can also look up old friends and family members who have settled in that country. In that sense, you will not feel lonely, unless you really prefer to be left alone.

On Day 4, I took the train to Glen Waverley to visit my brother John and his wife Phyllis. It was a pleasant 40-minute ride. We had dinner at the Silky Apple Chinese restaurant with the rest of my relatives, including my niece and nephews. By coincidence, my sister Felicia and her husband Michael had flown in from Perth to attend their daughter's convocation that weekend. What a lovely family reunion it turned out to be, thanks to LeShan who hosted it.

As you can see, one is never really lonely, even when travelling alone.

A big THANK YOU to John, Phyllis, Henry, Belle, and Moon for making sure that I had a memorable holiday in Melbourne.

SEASON'S GREETINGS FROM SENIORSALOUD