Reflections on Merdeka: Past and Present

The countdown to Merdeka Day has begun. Each year come August, patriotic Malaysians bring out the national flag from the cupboard and display it outside their homes. The whole country is decked out in the red, white and blue of the Jalur Gemilang.

The airwaves are filled with theme songs from past National Day celebrations. This year’s theme song, Malaysia Madani (Rakyat Disantuni), is fast gaining popularity. Of all the patriotic songs, Sejahtera Malaysia remains a firm favourite. We know the lyrics so well. We sing about the peace, harmony and prosperity of Malaysia, about facing challenges together as one people. The song evokes pride in being citizens of Malaysia.

But do we mouth the words without fully understanding the meaning? Or do we sing with feeling and pride, rejoicing and feeling blessed that we are citizens of this beautiful country called Malaysia?

Which begs the question – is this show of patriotism exhibited only once a year? What about the other eleven months? Do we genuinely love our country and its people as depicted in all the Hari Merdeka commercials and adverts? Smiling happy children representing each ethnic group dressed in their traditional attire, waving mini flags.

Do they truly represent the happy people of Malaysia? Or is all this a facade? It depends on who you ask.

If you ask the baby boomers born before 1957, the year when our country gained independence from colonial rule, they will tell you they miss those carefree days of the 1960s which they often describe as a time of togetherness, with less emphasis on difference.

Then, it was our common identity that united the different ethnic groups.

Things feel different today. What’s changed?

Truly Malaysian

Whenever I am asked about my nationality, I have always answered Malaysian. If pressed further, I will say I am Chinese Malaysian, rather than Malaysian Chinese. There is a subtle but important difference between the two.

It depends on what you prioritise. Your answer is a subconscious revelation of whether you regard nationality or ethnicity as more important.

Let us look for things that unite us, rather than those that divide us. Food is a wonderful example. We get to enjoy an almost limitless variety of food from all the different ethnic groups.

Visit a food court for a meal. You will be spoilt for choice. We also enjoy a rich diverse culture of music, dance and language.

Sports is another unifying force. We root for our national teams and players at international sports and games. In badminton, when Malaysia plays against China, who do Chinese Malaysians root for? Malaysia, without hesitation.

Malaysia is a country blessed with natural beauty. There are scenic places like our idyllic islands and hill resorts that we can escape to for a break from the stress of work, and the hustle and bustle of urban life.

The tropical climate suits us just fine. Aside from the occasional floods, there are no natural disasters such as volcanic eruptions, typhoons and the like.

As for the people, Malaysians are friendly and helpful once you get to know them on a personal level, especially those in the rural areas. They open their homes to you and welcome you to visit them.

Indeed, Malaysians are known for their hospitality and warm smiles. We can see why tourists love to visit our country, and why many have made it their second home in their retirement years.

We are blessed to call Malaysia our home. For me, personally speaking, Malaysia is the only homeland I know. I was born here, bred here and one day will die here. Why do some politicians label Malaysians like me “pendatang” and tell us to go back to China? I have given more than 30 of my best years in service to the nation, teaching and nurturing thousands of young minds.

Even in my retirement, I continue to contribute in community service for the elderly, regardless of their race.

Malaysia, can I call myself a daughter of this land?

Unity in diversity

Yes, there are 1,001 things to love about Malaysia. Unfortunately, that love is sometimes overshadowed by individuals who style themselves as heroes but end up stoking division.

These are the loose cannons ever ready to shoot incendiary rhetoric from their mouths without a thought about the damage they are inflicting on our society, our people.

Diversity is very important to me. I make it a point to seek it in my friends, in my group activities and also in my studies. Learning is much richer when we share views and opinions, and appreciate that we can learn from one another.

It increases our knowledge, and sharpens our minds. It encourages critical thinking and analysing.

Diversity enriches our experiences, and enhances creativity and innovation.

Failing to recognise and cherish our diversity could lead to a rise in exclusivity, elitism and segregation in our schools and universities, in our workplace and in our social circles.

We could learn from other countries that have done well in governance in this respect. A refusal to learn and improve, to admit mistakes and failure is hubris of the highest degree that borders on stupidity when it impedes progress.

We must realise that it is dangerous to blame isolated incidents on a whole race of people. When we taint everyone with the same brush, we are holding them guilty by virtue of a common denominator, which is often race or religion.

This is more harmful than casual stereotyping and can strain community relations. We have some examples of this in our history. But many have short-term memory, or choose to forget what doesn’t serve their purpose.

So far, we have been fortunate that the majority of Malaysians do not allow negative emotions to rule their heads.

Let’s pray that our good sense will continue even as there are some who stoke communal tension with their outrageous accusations.

I will fly the Malaysian flag from my balcony as I am the eternal optimist. We need to have hope, for without it, the future is bleak.

We hope for a cabinet that leads with competence and humility, engaging in constructive dialogue instead of unproductive debate. With such leadership, Malaysia can again flourish in peace and harmony.

Happy Merdeka!

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 27 August 2025. It can be accessed HERE).

Is it time for Malaysia to introduce a Maintenance of Parents Act?

 

My previous article on family feuds and the breakdown of family relationships drew strong reactions from people I know and those I don’t know, from across the generations. I had obviously touched on a sensitive nerve that few want to acknowledge or do something about: The parents-children relationship. The general response was along the lines of, “It’s not that easy to forgive”; “They have never treated me well”; “I am happy to disown him”.

Which leads me to asking, “Is filial piety dead?”, or has it evolved into what we see today – a different way of how adult children express care and concern for their ageing parents, not very different from how they shower their young children with gifts and trips? How do elderly parents want their children to love, honour and respect them?

In the traditional family unit where generations lived under one roof, there was always someone around to look after the little children, and care for the elderly members. But this structure is fast disappearing, resulting in a kind of family diaspora, with the adult children moving out to seek better career prospects in other places.

Elderly parents are left on their own in an empty nest. Eventually one spouse passes away, and that’s when the big question comes up. What to do with the surviving ageing parent?

The duty of adult children to care for their elderly parents is a core value in all religions. Filial piety extends beyond death with the practice of ancestral worship. Today both virtues are on the decline. The Chinese government had to step in with threats of public shame, fines and imprisonment for those found guilty of neglecting their elderly parents. Isn’t there a better way than threats of punishment?

It’s no different across Asia. In India, the government passed the Senior Citizen Act, 2007, as an answer to the insecurities faced by older persons in the country. This law accords prime responsibility for the maintenance of parents on their children, grandchildren and even relatives.

In Singapore, the Maintenance of Parents Act (MPA) was introduced in 1995, making it a legal obligation for children to support their parents. Initially the Tribunal for MPA received hundreds of cases each year. After several amendments were introduced, the average of 170 cases between 2008 and 2010 fell to an average of about 30 cases in recent years.

This is a good sign that the MPA is effective as a deterrent to abandoning one’s elderly parents. Which begs the question – why is our government so hesitant about introducing a similar MPA? We cannot ignore the rising number of elderly parents ending up in old folks’ homes and shelters funded the government or by the community. More than 2,000 senior citizens were abandoned at hospitals nationwide from 2018 to 2022.

In 2021 alone, 752 senior citizens were abandoned at hospitals by their family members. In Malaysia, adult children are not legally bound to provide care and maintenance for their elderly parents. There are a myriad of reasons why an increasing number of adult children don’t or won’t take care of their frail parents.

These include:

• No extra room at home for their parents;

• No one is free to care for them at home;

• Their children come first, not their parents;

• They can’t afford to support their parents;

• Their parents are not easy to live with;

• Their parents had abused them

Looking at the situation from the adult children’s standpoint, there are genuine cases where the adult children themselves are caught in a financial bind, having to support their own children and care for their parents at the same time. Their financial situation forces them to choose. Invariably most couples in such situations would choose the young over the old.

Makes sense. One has a whole life ahead; the other has a limited time left. So, the elderly parent finds himself packed off to a welfare home. Says an operator of a care home, “We understand and empathise with the situation. But do visit them regularly so they don’t feel abandoned.

“What is not forgivable are adult children who are doing well financially, yet refuse to support or visit their parents. Eventually, when contact with the adult children is lost, there is no hope of a reconciliation.”

These adult children obviously do not have a close relationship with their parents. Possible reasons could include cases of child abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual. We have read about such cases where parents abandon or abuse their young children. Years later, these children recall bitter memories of their abusive childhood. They now find it virtually impossible to forgive their parents and want to sever blood ties with them.

There are also cases where adult children refuse to continue supporting their parents who are addicted to drugs or to gambling and incur hefty debts for their children to take care of.

All these issues could potentially be resolved with the Maintenance of Parents Act, with a Tribunal to oversee the implementation and listen to every case brought to them.

The Tribunal would have legal powers to check the financial status of the adult son to see if he has the means to provide for his parent. If he has, the Tribunal can order him to pay for his parent’s monthly maintenance.

The Tribunal’s foremost role is to seek reconciliation for both parties, and to propose the best solution. The quantum of maintenance support will depend on what the adult children can afford taking into consideration their financial position and commitments. This is similar to the court granting alimony for child support in a divorce case.

So, why is there this hesitation in introducing the Maintenance of Parents Act? Not all cases brought before it guarantees a win for the parents.

In cases where the adult children can prove they were abused by their parent in their childhood, the Tribunal can dismiss the parent’s application for maintenance.

With an MPA, elderly parents who can no longer fend for themselves can have at least recourse to appeal to the Tribunal. Most parents would not want to be a burden to their children. They would rather eat less, make do with bare minimum than compel their children to care for them in their old age if the children are themselves struggling. Or if the financial support is grudgingly given.

It takes very little to make our parents feel loved and happy. A phone call to ask how they are doing, a small gift of their favourite snacks, spending quality time with them, a warm hug now and then – all these don’t cost much, but the joy they bring to our parents is priceless.

As parents ourselves, we need to ask ourselves whether we are good role models for our adult children. If our adult children and grandchildren seem lacking in respect for their elders, are we as much to blame? Have we pampered and mollycoddled them too much? Have we allowed them to get away with indiscipline and disrespect to their parents and grandparents? The home is the first place for learning, and parents are the children’s first teachers.

How we treat our elderly parents is how our children will treat us one day in our old age. They will learn from us.

What examples are we giving them? No matter how badly our parents may have treated us in the past, we can’t stand by and do nothing for them in their time of need. This is not a game of tit-for-tat or revenge. Their blood runs in our veins.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 30 July 2025. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/08/02/is-it-time-for-malaysia-to-introduce-a-maintenance-of-parents-act)

RESOLVING FAMILY FEUDS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE

Two months ago, I wrote about what constitutes a good death. It is knowing that everything has been taken care of, with friends and loved ones in the family gathered around the bedside for the final farewell.

But of late, I have attended funerals where the next-of-kin is not present. Reason? A long-standing family feud with both sides refusing to make amends.

When one side is willing to forgive and move on, but the other side remains adamant, the family conflict remains unresolved. It takes two to come together, to forgive and to move on.

While much has been said about the importance of good health and financial security in ageing, there is less mention about ensuring a harmonious family relationship to age well. But it is arguably the most important and the most challenging to attain.

What presents as a loving family at festivals and celebrations may actually mask internal strife and disharmony. Family portraits often hide the family conflicts behind the smiles that we see.

At one’s final hours, it doesn’t matter who is wrong, who is right. Usually, it is the children who refuse to forgive.

“He was not a good father,” one adult son tells me. This is not the time to carry grudges. And certainly, for the elderly, they want to make peace before they die. As long as one side refuses to forgive, the bitterness will continue, and later turn into regret when the children realise it is too late to make amends.

This is often the main explanation for the rise in the number of abandoned elderly in hospitals, nursing homes and aged care centers. Nationwide, 2,144 cases of abandonment in hospitals were reported between 2018 and 2022. Hospital KL reported a 50% rise in cases of abandonment of elderly patients, with 358 such cases in 2023. Adult children never returned for their parents when they were discharged. These parents, with nowhere to go, ended up in welfare homes, or worse, on the streets.

While much has been said about the importance of good health and financial security in ageing, there is less mention about ensuring a harmonious family relationship to age well. — Pexels

Safeguarding seniors

I spent three months interviewing and chatting with homeless elderly for a documentary. Their favourite gathering point in the city was at the square near Pasar Seni. There they would wait patiently for the distribution of free food packages by NGOs and civic society groups. The stories they shared were similar – they were abandoned by their children. They had lost contact with their family over the years.

Some said they were better off on the streets than with their children who had mistreated them.

Elder abuse is not only financial or physical. It also covers psychological abuse which is most hurtful and painful. Being belittled and scolded daily, and treated like a persona non grata at home is enough to drive an elderly parent to depression and suicidal tendencies, egged on by their children’s taunts of ‘better go and die quickly’.

This goes beyond lack of filial piety – it is cruel, and a violation of human rights. It’s hard to imagine elderly parents facing such inhumane treatment from their children. Family ties should never be broken. Physical distance should not be an excuse to stay away. With digital technology, families can continue to meet up via whatsapp, video calls or Zoom.

When contact is lost for whatever reason, an elderly parent living alone can pass away with no one knowing about it till days or weeks later. The Japanese call this Kodokushi or “lonely death”, with their bodies not discovered till long after. Such cases have been reported in the media.

Bitterness and revenge are like toxins. Harbouring such negative emotions for years will poison our body, our minds like a cancer. They deprive us of the joy of living and being part of a loving family.

We may not be able to forget what we see as an injustice done to us, but we can certainly learn to forgive. No action or incident is so unforgivable that would make a father disown his son, or vice versa. Here are some things elderly parents can do to reduce the risks of ending up abused or abandoned by their adult children:

• Continue to build your nest egg and make sure you are not financially dependent on your children when you reach old age

• Look after your health so that you remain physically active and independent as long as you can, right into your 70s, 80s and beyond.

• Protect your property. Do not hand over the deeds of your house prematurely. You need to ensure a roof over your head at all times.

• Have a network of friends you can count on to support you through the difficult times

• Seek professional help or counselling especially if you feel suicidal

• Know you are not alone in this. Join a support group.

• Be a responsible, caring parent so that your children have no reason to turn against you

Family relationships also include those between husband and wife, among siblings and with in-laws. A breakdown in spousal relationship can deteriorate to the point of a total loss of communication, with reconciliation almost impossible. When that happens, only two options remain – either a divorce or separation.

It can happen – two persons who had once loved each other and had children together now no longer share that bond. They now exhibit animosity towards each other. Yet they refuse to get a divorce to avoid legal hassles and scandal of a failed marriage or of a third party involved. They would rather spend years living under the same roof, keeping up false pretense with friends and relatives. They would rather suffer unhappiness at home than admit their marriage had failed. What a sheer waste of years spent living together in a loveless relationship.

Living in peace

Times have changed. Most women in an unhappy marriage have no qualms about seeking a divorce. The same for men too. Few among family and friends would raise an eyebrow to hear of a marriage gone bust, or of a family member getting married the second time around.

As for sibling disputes, these often arise out of rivalry, jealousy or issues over inheritance. When parents show clear favouritism for one child, it can cause resentment from the other children. This can widen into a gap that is hard to bridge in later years. Blood is not always thicker than water, and sibling rivalry can end in acrimonious law suits pitting sibling against sibling.

It’s the same with in-laws who cause friction between the two sides of the family. Marriages of couples from different ethnic, religious or social-economic background have a better chance of success if they have the blessings from both sides of the family. It is best for in-laws not to interfere or take sides when the couple has an argument, unless approached for advice or counsel.

No one can predict the future. Will we fall victim to elder abuse as we age? Not if we guard against this despicable social ill, not if we raise our children with love and inculcate in them respect for our elders. We can be good examples by showing our children how we care for our parents. They will learn from us.

We can learn to be slow to take offence, slow to judge others, slow to react without thinking. Words may hurt, actions may cause friction, but if we can adopt the Zen way of letting go anything that upsets us and learn to apologise if we are in the wrong, to forgive if we are wronged, we can live life at peace with ourselves and with everyone in the family. That certainly is worth aiming for, isn’t it?

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star in 'Grey Matters' column on Wed 2 July 2025. It can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/07/02/resolving-family-feuds-before-it039s-too-late?

IS THERE A RIGHT RETIREMENT AGE?

Here we go again. Yet another round of viewpoints regarding increasing the retirement age. This came after Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department (Law and Institutional Reform) Datuk Seri Azalina Othman Said suggested that the government consider raising the retirement age to 65.

It was her personal opinion but it opened the flood gates of debate from the public on whether this was a good or bad idea.

My view on this? Neither good nor bad, but unavoidable, inevitable.

The number of countries opting to raise their retirement age is growing. In the majority of countries in Europe, the retirement age is 65 and above, with Denmark and Norway leading at 67.

What about Asia? Singapore is following suit. It plans to raise the statutory retirement age from 63 to 65 and the re-employment age from 68 to 70 in 2026. For Japan, it’s 65. For Korea, India, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand, it’s 60 but it will likely be raised in the coming years. China is also joining the lineup.

For decades since 1950, the retirement age in China has remained at 50. It recently raised retirement age for the first time from 50 to 55 for women in blue-collar jobs, and from 55 to 58 for those in white-collar jobs. For men it will be increased from 60 to 63.

Two sides of the coin

The main argument against increasing the retirement age is that it deprives young job seekers of employment.

While this may be true to a certain extent, it’s primarily technology and mechanisation, not older workers, that is taking away jobs. Let’s not forget AI. It is already replacing workers in white-collar jobs. All this has nothing to do with the retirement age.

Based on DOSM figures, the unemployment rate stands at 3.1% for May 2025. The government is committed to ensuring unemployment is kept low. It does this by taking on the role as employer of last resort.

Malaysia has the largest civil service in the world in terms of ratio of civil service workforce to population: Over 1.6 million-strong to serve its 34.1 million population. The government will not be able to continue paying pension to an ever-growing number of pensioners. Currently there are an estimated 930,000 pensioners from the civil service, judges, former servicemen and senators.

The government is finding it a huge challenge to keep up with pension payments despite raising the retirement age from 55 to 60 in 2013. Hence the moveaway from pensions to EPF contributions.

The family structure has changed so drastically that parents can no longer expect their adult children to support them in their old age. Family size has shrunk, and with the grown children moving out to work or settle elsewhere, retired couples are often left to fend for themselves.

It’s a good idea to sit down at the family table and have a heart-to-heart discussion about the future scenario for the family 20 years down the road. What would it look like?

Here’s a very likely scenario: The adult children are now in their late 30s. Their parents are retirees in their early 60s, and their grandparents are in their early 80s. The adult children have to see their teenage children through further education, and still have to support their retired parents as well as their elderly grandparents.

Three-four generation families are becoming common. The longer life expectancy is both a boon and a bane. What this means is that the adult children have to support their parents as well as grandparents. Multiply that by two.

They mustn’t leave out parents-in-laws and grandparents-in-law. In total, the couple has to support eight older persons on top of supporting their own children! To top it, they have fewer siblings to share the cost of caring for the elderly family members.

This is already happening in many families now. It’s not a future reality. Our fertility rate is declining, as in most countries. Young people are delaying marriage.

When they do, they delay starting a family. When they are finally ready to have children, they want only one or two. The result – fewer siblings to share the heavy financial responsibility of supporting six to eight elderly family members.

Faced with such a reality, perhaps those in the 30s and 40s will not protest against increasing the retirement age.

Their parents will be able to work longer and be self-supporting. With their salary, they will be able to contribute financially towards supporting the family members, both young and old.

Thanks to better education and awareness of staying active and healthy, a growing number of those in their 60s, (and even 70s) are still hale and hearty. They are capable of working another five years or more. Give them the option to do so. Some may want to retire, let them. Some may need to continue working as their adult children are unable to support them, or they may need to help their adult children who are unable to find a job, or keep up with their financial commitments.

Stop gap solution

This is a temporary stop gap solution. No one wants to work indefinitely. Who doesn’t want to enjoy freedom from work, to have time to pursue their personal interests and not be at the beck and call of their boss.

What it comes down to is that family life and work life as we know it have changed drastically. This has impacted every aspect of our existence. We have to adjust, adapt and accept.

This is one way of looking at progress. Or survival. Quite similar to how we now look at the digital world. Adapt or be left behind while the rest of the world marches on.

This is the message to both young and old alike. And to countries too.

Governments simply can’t afford pension payouts when the older population keeps growing due to longer life expectancy and the younger population keeps shrinking due to lower fertility rate. Demographic changes have a huge impact on the economy, indeed on all aspects of life, and also on the family support system.

China abandoned their 1979 one-child policy in 2015 when they realised the adverse implications it had on support for the growing older population.

Whether we want to or not, whether we like it or not, the retirement age will continue to be raised. We don’t have to work till we drop dead, but at least allow older workers to continue working for as long as the retirement age allows them to. They will know best whether they are physically and mentally fit enough to continue working.

Employers also have the option to offer early retirement or not hire workers who do not satisfy the health requirements for the job.

Let’s not forget the social benefits of working longer. There are retirees who miss the social connections at work. When they stop working, life can become lonely. They miss their former colleagues. They miss the daily chat, the company outings and social functions. Isolation and loneliness can affect the mental health and wellbeing of older people.

If these retirees were your parents, wouldn’t you want them to continue working a few years longer and to remain independent longer? For young people who oppose raising the retirement age, be thankful that your working parents are self-supporting, and not a financial burden to you.

Regardless of whether the retirement age is 60, 65 or 70, everyone reaches that age one day. Everyone has parents and grandparents. Think of them when you think of whether to support the proposal to raise the retirement age. We need to look at the issue both objectively and subjectively, from the government’s point of view, from the employers’ stand and also from the perspective of both the young and the old. Perhaps then we can have a clearer picture of whether raising the retirement age is a “good or bad” idea.

We know what the answer is.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The original print version was published on Wed 4 June 2025 in the column 'Grey Matters'. The online versionn can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/06/06/is-there-a-039right039-retirement-age)

MALAYSIA NEEDS A MORE SENIOR-FRIENDLY PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM

 

Information about bus routes is not easily available at our bus stops. — LILY FU

My friends are amazed at how I have been able to move around the city and the suburbs without a car. I have been relying mostly on public transport and my two faithful legs since 1998. They say they wouldn’t have a clue how to take public transport to where they want to go. They intend to keep on driving for as long as possible.

There is currently no mandatory upper age limit on driving. But as age creeps up on them, the day will surely come when they have no choice but to hang up their car keys for good.

They will have to rely on friends to pick them up or opt for e-hailing rides. Or take public transport.

When that happens, they should be thankful our public transport has improved vastly. The horror days of the pink mini buses driven by wannabe Grand Prix drivers are long gone. So have the dirty stage buses that plied the streets polluting the environment with their exhaust fumes.

They have been replaced by buses and trains that are air-conditioned, comfortable and clean. There are free shuttle buses serving Kuala Lumpur city centre, Petaling Jaya and Penang.

Senior citizens aged 60 and above enjoy 50% off all RapidKL buses and LRT/MRT/Monorail trains. The trains run on time. Waiting time is generally short with an average of five minutes. Women’s coaches have been added for their safety and comfort. However, there is still room for improvement, especially for bus transport. It is the weak link in the overall public transport system.

Cater to our silvers too

According to the Department of Statistics Malaysia (DOSM) and research data, in 2023, there were 3.8 million citizens aged 60 and above. By 2030 this number is projected to reach 5.8 million (ageing nation status), and 6.4 million by 2040 (aged nation status).

This means a potential huge increase in elderly ridership. Has the government been busy making preparations to cope with this surge?

The World Health Organisation has a check-list of essential features of age-friendly cities. The section on public transportation covers various aspects such as availability, affordability, reliability and frequency, destinations, accessibility, and security. How does our public transport fare against this checklist?

Easy accessibility and convenience take top priority. Older people rely on public transport to get to community centres, health services and social functions. They walk to the nearest bus stop and take the bus to the nearest train station to get to their destination. Are the roads and walkways safe for them to do so? Overhead bridges are fine for the general public but a challenge for the elderly to climb up the steps.

Traffic lights at pedestrian crossings should be timed to allow older people ample time to cross busy roads. The traffic lights at the Kuala Lumpur City Centre (KLCC) pedestrian crossing stay green for only 30 seconds. It’s a mad dash across six lanes, even for young people, what more for senior citizens?

Information about bus routes is not easily available. Instead, there are all kinds of notices and advertisements plastered on the bus-shelter boards, for example, room to let, job vacancies and plenty of graffiti.

At some bus stops, route information is accessed through a laminated QR-code displayed on the board. Think about it, how many elderly have the QR-code scanner app installed on their mobile phones?

Those who do, how many actually know how to navigate the app and understand the instructions and directions?

The design of buses also leaves much to be desired for the elderly. The steps are too high for them to board easily. Bus drivers should get down and help those in wheelchairs to get on the bus. I have seen only one instance of a bus driver doing this. No wonder we hardly see anyone in wheelchair out on their own in the city.

Many drivers are impatient and start driving off without waiting for the elderly passengers to be safely seated.

It is imperative for bus drivers to show courtesy and follow procedures. They are supposed to stop the bus close to the kerb to pick up passengers.

This would make it easy for them to board the bus. They just step off the kerb onto the bus. In practice, the bus stops some distance away from the kerb. Passengers have to walk to the bus. During a downpour, this means walking through puddles of water to get on the bus.

Buses remain a vital link to the last mile destination. Yet they remain a poor cousin to the trains when it comes to overhauling or upgrading the public transport system.

Education is always key

Educating the public about respecting the elderly is also important. How many young people would give up their seats on the train for a senior citizen? They may do so for the disabled or a pregnant woman. But for an elderly? The priority seating sign is in every coach and announcements are made every few minutes, but few pay heed.

Younger commuters often remain seated, ignoring the elderly person standing in front of them. Sad to say, this happens all the time on trains and buses.

While the newer MRT lines and stations are a source of pride, the older LRT trains and stations need upgrading, especially the washrooms.

It is common to find at least two not in use due to water leakage or faulty flush. The taps at the wash basins are either loose or dry. And maintenance is sporadic.

It is the small inconveniences to the elderly that are often ignored or overlooked as being trivial or too inconsequential to pay attention to. But it is precisely the little things that matter.

It doesn’t take billions of dollars to make our public transport services and facilities age-friendly. Courteous and helpful drivers and station staff makes the travelling experience pleasant.

Sometimes one can’t help but wonder whether our city fathers and policy-makers are in touch with the realities on the ground. In focus groups, discussions, older persons who are regular commuters should be invited to give their views and suggestions. They know what is lacking and what needs improving.

Age-friendly facilities benefit everyone, not just the older population.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the print media on Wed 7 May, 2025. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/05/07/senior-friendly-public-transport-system-needed)

WHAT IS A GOOD DEATH?

Thoughts of death and dying have been on my mind of late. No, I am fine in case readers are concerned. It’s just that in the past two months I have been to five wakes and funeral services.

A record for me personally, but not unexpected, considering my age and the community I am actively involved in.

Most of us are in our 70s and 80s. While we aspire to enjoy many more active years ahead, not everyone will get to achieve this. Friends and family members will leave us one by one as time passes.

Death is also a part of life.

With Qing Ming just over, it is another reminder that life is transient. For those unfamiliar with this Chinese observance, Qing Ming is a time for Chinese families to make the annual visit to the burial grounds of their departed family members. It is a mark of filial piety for Chinese families to pay their respects to their ancestors, with prayers and offerings of food.

Family members also take the opportunity to spruce up the grave in the cemetery. With cremation becoming the preferred choice now, Qing Ming is also observed at the columbarium and temples.

The ultimate leveller

Death can knock on our door at anytime and anywhere. It can strike down the young and the old, the healthy and the infirmed, the rich and the poor. Death is the ultimate leveller.

It comes to the best among us, and to the worst among us. It happens in greater numbers among the elderly. Yet we know precious little about how best to prepare for death. Countless books have been written about how to live a happy life, but very few about how to have a happy death. Is there such a thing as the art of dying? Can it be taught or learned?

Has anyone been through the death experience and shared it with a loved one in a dream? How does one deal with one’s approaching death? Why is death nearly always associated with pain, fear, grief and loss? Isn’t it possible to depart with relief, joy and celebration? At last, for some. Too soon, for others.

So many questions but hardly any answers. For those already nearing the final chapter of their lives, it is good to reflect on this eventuality and be prepared for it. By this I mean, putting our affairs in order, like making sure we have made our will and arranged for the disposal of our earthly possessions.

We want to have a say in planning our wake and funeral service, like which of our photos to display at our wake, what music to play and where we want our final resting place to be. We should play a central role in this important decision making and not leave everything for our spouse or children to decide. And we should do this when we are still of sound mind.

Death is still considered a taboo subject, and few people feel comfortable discussing it. However, there is now a growing sense of acceptance. It makes sense to plan how we want to go while we are still around and still lucid enough to decide.

I have learnt more about death after taking up a course on “End of Life: Death and Dying” for my post-graduate studies in Applied Gerontology. In 2018, I attended a two-day “Death Festival” organised by a local funeral service provider. It opened my eyes to a more positive side of death. Understanding death takes away the fear and replaces it with quiet acceptance as something natural, and not to be feared. For some it may even be welcomed.

The ‘perfect’ goodbye

A dear friend’s mother had what I call “the perfect final goodbye”. Friends and family members from near and far had come together to celebrate the wedding of her grandson. At the wedding dinner she was a picture of joy, laughing and chatting with everyone, obviously delighted that all her loved ones were present and around her that night.

I remember saying good night to her as I passed her table on the way out, after the dinner. She was all smiles, and looking radiant. The next day she passed away peacefully in the afternoon while taking a rest. She was 87.

Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with a good death. I remember too seeing another auntie, one of my mother’s closest friends, groaning in pain as she struggled to breathe, her body ravaged by terminal cancer. It was a sight that remains etched in my mind.

At our age, many of us would probably have seen death up close in people we know and love. For those with terminal illness, death is a welcome release. We have seen the acute pain and intense discomfort they have to endure, hour after endless hour, week after torturous week.

They don’t have the strength to fight the illness, nor the will to live anymore. They just want to be left in peace to die. But not everyone in such a condition wants to let go. Nor does the family want to see their loved one go.

When there is no quality of life, who makes the final decision to pull the plug, that is, Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)? Such a decision should be made known to our family while we are still able to decide.

Life is precious. We want to hold on to life for as long as we can. But does being kept alive with machines and endless medication constitute life as we know it?

Here’s another decision some of us may want to consider. I recently attended a talk “Turn A Loss Into A Gift” by Prof Dr Saw Aik, Director of the “Silent Mentor” programme.

I had first heard about this programme in 2022, and had followed a live recording of the entire ceremony.

It affected me immensely on both the emotional and spiritual level, and brought tears to my eyes.

Briefly, Silent Mentor is a programme initiated by Universiti Malaya to promote body donation for medical education, research and training for medical students. The sending-off ceremony was very respectful and dignified, and heartwarming.

Our deceased body is the ultimate gift we can donate. It is not for everyone but for those willing and happy to contribute their body for teaching purposes. For the medical students it is an eye-opening and humbling experience to know that there are people capable of such a noble sacrifice.

God decides our final departure day, but it is within our hands to live well and leave well. Let us pray for a disease-free old age.

And when the time comes for us to go, to go quietly and peacefully, fading into the darkness of eternal sleep, with important decisions made, and everything taken care of.

That is a good death.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 9 April 2025. The online version can be accessed HERE.)