REMARRYING IN LATER YEARS

If you are an older adult, divorced or widowed, would you consider remarriage? Not an easy question to answer for a number of reasons:

• As an older adult, you are already quite set in your ways. It would take a lot of effort to give and take to make the marriage work.
• At 60+, health can be a big issue. What if your new spouse is later diagnosed with a health problem that requires 24/7 care from you? Are you prepared to be his/her caregiver for the rest of your sunset years?
• If you are widowed, would your in-laws think less of you for remarrying?
• Your new partner's children may not accept you. They may resent the thought of having a stepmother or stepfather.
• There's also the issue of inheritance. Would a new spouse mean a new will? This might sour your relationship with your partner's adult children.

These are just a few of the issues and complications that might arise when older adults remarry. Perhaps one solution is to seek companionship or co-habitation rather than remarriage. Unfortunately, in Asian societies, co-habitation is frowned upon regardless of the age. Elderly couples living together outside the sanctity of marriage would be viewed as setting a bad example for young people. In Malaysia, if they are Muslim, they would be arrested under Syariah law!

No wonder remarriage among the elderly remains uncommon. However, the situation might change in the near future with more "matrimonial meetings" or marriage fairs like the one held recently in Ahmedabad, India. Over 300 single, divorced and widowed senior citizens in their 60s and 70s gathered to make friends and enjoy lunch together, and at the same time check out who's available as potential life-partners.

Surveys have shown that a happy marriage or relationship helps us live longer and healthier. That's good enough reason for the lonely ones among us to start dating again.

HAPPY LIKE-A-MOTHER'S DAY!

Today I would like to pay tribute to all the women who may not be mothers in the conventional sense of the word, but who nevertheless are like mothers to hundreds and thousands of children everywhere. 

These are the unsung heroines who have chosen not to marry or have no children of their own. They have dedicated their lives to teaching children, looking after them when they are sick, minding them when their parents are at work, or simply being there for children who have lost their own mothers.

Mother Teresa was a mother of the highest order. She never married, but devoted her life to caring for sick, homeless and orphaned children. She was a true mother to them all.  

I have met many of these wonderful, selfless women who work tirelessly with children in schools, kindergartens, hospitals, or volunteer their services at community centres, churches and temples, orphanages, and welfare homes. I salute all of you and say a big THANK YOU for helping to take care of the children and for loving them like a mother would.

And to mothers everywhere, a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Two generations of mothers. My daughter Belle at her jumble sale stall to raise money for the Kachin refugee children. The annual event held on Mother's Day was organized by ibu, a family resource group.

IS IT JUST MY AGE OR IS IT ALZHEIMER'S?

As my mom's sole caregiver, it worries me sometimes when I see signs of confusion and memory lapses in her. At aged 84, is she already displaying signs of Alzheimer's Disease? She can't remember dates, places and names of family members. She doesn't know one day from another, and forgets what she just had for dinner or where she has left her purse.

But I have the same forgetfulness too. And I am only 62! Am I also going through the early stages of AD?

Tucking into durian - my mom's favourite fruit after apples and bananas

According to Alzheimer's Association, these are the 10 signs of AD:

1. Memory loss that disrupts daily life.

2. Challenges in planning or solving problems.

3. Difficulty completing familiar tasks at home, at work or at leisure:

4. Confusion with time or place

5. Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships

6. New problems with words in speaking or writing

7. Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps

8. Decreased or poor judgment

9. Withdrawal from work or social activities

10. Changes in mood and personality

Based on the above, I am relieved to know that my mom shows only 2 (#4 and #7) out of the 10 signs. So are her memory lapses and confusion nothing more than typical age-related changes? Is she at risk of developing full-blown AD as she advances in age? Only a geriatrician can answer that. 
 
If you want to set your mind at ease, find out more about AD at Alzheimer's Association.

WHERE ARE THE OLDER GUYS?

Where are the men?

In case you are wondering - no, I am not lamenting the lack of eligible older guys but the question often crops up at events and activities organized for older Singaporeans. JUST WHERE ARE THE MEN?

The People's Association (PA), which runs many of these seniors activities including the National Wellness Programme launched last Sunday by former PM Goh Chok Tong, admits that it is difficult to attract 'elderly men' to turn up. Participants at most of their events for senior citizens are overwhelmingly women.

Why do retired men shy away from social activities? Is it because women are better at making friends, while men feel more comfortable in the company of other men? Retired women also tend to be more actively engaged in community projects and volunteerism than their husbands.

Which leads me to the question: Do women handle their retirement much better than men?

I did a simple survey among my retired lady friends. Their comments are revealing.

• "My husband stays at home most of the time. He has no interest in joining a senior citizens' club or attending the activities with me. I can't even get him to go for a medical check-up or do a blood test. He's so stubborn."
• "Jack (not his real name) hates dancing and karaoke. He says they are for old women. I think he just doesn't want to look silly or make a fool of himself in front of others."
• "Golf is my husband's only passion. I've tried to get him interested in doing some community work, but he says he has no time for that. I know that's just an excuse."
• "I try to encourage my husband to register for computer or language classes conducted at the community centres. His response is always the same: I'm too old to learn anything."

Do men feel a loss of self-worth when they retire? Is that why they have a problem adjusting to their retirement?

It would be interesting to hear from the men.

CHASING THE SILVER DOLLAR

The Straits Times 3 May

Good news for businesses chasing the silver dollar. According to a recent survey by Mastercard, by 2015 spending by consumers aged 65 and above is expected to hit US$1.5 trillion annually within the Asia-Pacific region. The figure for Singapore alone is projected to hit US$10.8b.

Statistics showing Asia has the fastest growing ageing population. Click on the image to enlarge.

Companies here are wasting no time in coming up with products and services targeted at this silver market, with banks and insurance companies leading the way. Restaurants are offering discounts for senior diners, and gyms are enticing seniors to join with a 50% off on membership. One enterprising hair salon has come up with S$10 hair-cuts for seniors as well as discounts on pedicures and manicures.

The health & wellness industry, and the travel industry are no longer the only ones wooing the silver-haired consumer. Companies dealing in anti-ageing products and equipment for home nursing care are now raking in huge profits. Housing developers know there is a growing demand for housing that incorporates features catering to the specific needs of older residents.

Indeed, almost any product and service today can be customized or re-packaged to target the silver consumer. So if you have money to invest, or are looking at starting your own business, you might want to give the silver industry some serious thought.

WHAT DO THE CHINESE WANT?

Last Friday (30 April) the Straits Times (ST) published an English translation of an article "Chinese Malaysians asking for too much" that had first appeared in the Utusan Melayu on April 28. In the article, a comparison was also made to the Chinese in Singapore.

As I was in Singapore at the time, I was expecting some ST readers to write in with their comments. After all, several assumptions were made that were bound to ruffle more than a few Chinese feathers on both sides of the causeway.

There's been no response till Kee Thuan Chye posted his article "What the Chinese Want" in FreeMalaysiaToday (2 May). Kee is a journalist and author of 'March 8: The Day Malaysia Woke Up'.

Read both articles and draw your own conclusions.